✓ | TOUGH AS THE IRONWOOD (A.FORRESTER 2)

Never Forget. Chapter Five.

Cynthia sat quietly, alone in the dark room that once brought so much joy into her life. She had come to this room when in need of comfort, or protection. When seeking fun and trouble. When desperate for a reminder of all the times once spent in it. Even sometimes when just wishing to be alone, and away from the others; she always felt closest to him here, even when he'd gone, she still felt a strong connection to him. Maybe that was the real reason she came to that room; because it was the one place where she could always be with him, even when he wasn't really there. Yet sat here now felt like she stood in a burning building, with no means to escape or cease the continuous pain. She just burnt as part of the structure, failing to a pile of ash. Or maybe that was just how she was truly feeling, despite how hard she tried to block it out.

"Cyn," The small voice echoed from the distant doorway, a familiar figure hovering outside the room as if afraid to enter. Cynthia could understand why, so many memories and so much pain all protected in a vacant bedroom. Cynthia didn't need to voice what needed to be said, she merely opened her arms, and watched as the young girl bolted into her embrace. "I never said goodbye," Talia whimpered, gripping tightly onto the only thing keeping her held together in that moment. "None of us did," Cynthia replied, the tears already cascading down her cheeks. She hadn't truly stopped crying since the moment she left him behind. Everything had cracked and shattered inside of her upon hearing those words in that moment, a sentence she would never forget. Nothing had been alright since then, she'd spent the last two days, mind recovering every last memory she'd ever had of him, in fear of losing what little of him she still had left. But recalling such things as times once spent with him brought unbelievable pain, that could only be expressed through silent tears and muffled screams that obliterated whatever chance of sleep she'd ever had. "It's been so long, I hardly remember him anymore," Talia sobbed, hiding her face in Cynthia's chest, allowing her own emotions to finally be let out, after so long of keeping them hidden for the sake of her family. "I do...I remember everything." Cynthia sighed, embracing the sudden burst of pain that fell on her chest and gave the same familiar restriction of her breath, as she'd faced in the passing days.

"I remember every inch of his face. I remember his dazzling eyes, that reflected the light so well, and his impeccable physique, that faced no competition. I remember his foul mouth that your mother never liked, and his bad temper that caused so many pointless fights. I remember his courage and dedication to his family, even if he never showed it, his passion in everything he did, and rudeness, that I may have picked up along the way. And his sense of humour. I remember that some of the things he would say made even Ser Royland blush, and that whenever he was in a bad mood, which as you know came often, not one of the small folk would dare go near him. I remember that he used to get away with anything, and only ever got caught if Rodrik had played some part in whatever antics the boys got up to. He would steal pies from the kitchen when the cooks were not paying attention, and when he grew older he began to take whine, so that me and your older siblings could enjoy the etiquette of adults when they were not around. I remember the first time he beat your father in a fight, how proud Lord Gregor was with his second born, there was a whole evening to celebrate his son finally becoming a man at last, how wrong your father had been. I remember all the nights he and I danced, even if it was with the help of some alcohol, Asher was a brilliant dancer; lacking any poise or grace, but he knew how to keep his time, and how we would dance whenever the occasion arose, he'd be the first to insist I join him. I remember how protective he would get if I dare dance with any other man, even Arthur, with no real explanation beyond I was his partner, not theirs. He would keep me by his side all night. I remember all the times I got tired, and he would carry me back to my room, and keep me company until I fell asleep, and he'd be there in the mornings when I awoke again.

I remember all the nights I would come in here, when I couldn't sleep or was afraid, and he'd hold me until the sun came up, talking with me all through the night and distracting me from whatever had kept me awake. I remember all of the times he interrupted my reading so that we could do something more fun, as a family, and I remember all of the times he and I got in trouble for gods' knows what, but there was always something we managed to get caught doing. I remember all of the times he protected me from bullies and other children, and how he would fight them with his bare hands until they understood I was off limits. I remember him when he'd had too much to drink, and was a bit out of sorts for the evening. He was always a happy drunk...or at least he was for a while. And I can remember what he was like when he didn't get his way, or thought that I was mad with him; he would pout and cross his arms like a child, or hug me and hold me until I gave in. I remember when he would make fun of your singing and Ethan's lute, and he would mimic you, even though he could not sing in the slightest. Or how he and Mira would dance with Ethan and me, as you sang your little heart out. I remember him looking after me when I was small,and him doing the same to you and Ethan, and Ryon when he came. I remember how much he loved you, he cared so much for you and your siblings, it was hard to believe it was the same man causing fights and arguing with every other person he passed. But I can remember how much he loved you, and how much he adored Mira, and how much he envied Rodrik.

I remember his cheeky, classic grin that I never saw the end of, and that stupid beard he was always so proud of. I remember everything about him because I love him, and I fear if I forget even the slightest thing, I'll forget him entirely, and I don't know that I could survive without some small amount of him in my life. And you'll do the same, with him and Ethan, because they are your brothers and you do not forget your family, or the ones you love." Cynthia's face was stained from the tears that had fallen like waterfalls whilst she spoke, all the memories of Asher plaguing her mind; even the things she hadn't recalled aloud had managed to haunt her. The shape his muscles formed on his chiseled body, the tan skin he possessed that was only vaguely marked with scars, or the way water slid so perfectly down his toned stomach that it had Cynthia's stomach in knots. The taste of his lips against hers or the way his beard tickled her fair skin. The way his body fit so perfectly against hers as they cuddled into one another at night, or the way his arm tightened protectively around her body every time she moved in the slightest. All these things had her desperate to scream, because it was just a reminder to her that he was no longer there, and all she had left was a long list of memories that meant nothing without him there to make new ones.

Earlier that day her and Rodrik had ended the lives of the tyrants that took Asher from them too many times, but that didn't close the endless abyss that filled her insides with the loss of his presence. It didn't mend the damage they'd already inflicted on such a broken family. Tonight was the first night she'd spend without him, back home, when she'd so passionately believed he would be back in his own room, in Ironrath, by now. Yet, here she still sat, alone, now without even the slightest light of hope that she'd ever see the love of her life again. 

Looking down at the fragile body in her arms, Cynthia found herself smiling at the quiet figure. Talia had safely cried herself to sleep in Cynthia's embrace, curled into a small ball within Cynthia's grasp in order to stay comforted by the company. Even if it had not been heard, Cynthia meant every word she had said. She would never forget Asher, ever. She loved him too much to let his memory slip through her fingers anytime soon. And now, with him gone for good, his memory was the only thing Cynthia had to comfort her at night, or to keep her safe and reminded of the better times she'd seen with her love. They were all that remained. That, and his abandoned bedroom.