Broken

chapter 4

Harry collapsed on his bed, four hours later. He was breathing hard and his heart was racing. After composing himself he looked around the room and realized, Louis was nowhere to be found. Glad that he was alone Harry grabbed a pair of clothes, and his blade, before proceeding into the bathroom to take his shower. He finished his shower and slipped his boxers and a shirt on. He sat on the edge of the tub and let his thoughts and his blade take over.

Worthless

He slashed his skin with the blade.

Ugly

Another cut.

Fat

A third cut.

This went on until he had seven new cuts, adding to his already cluttered skin. He sighed, contentedly, and stopped the blood. Harry could hear Louis entering the room and slipped into his pants quickly. He finished putting on his belt and slipped the blade into his pocket. Walking out of the room he saw Louis sitting on his bed, tears falling down his cheeks.

"You okay, Lou?" Harry asked, gently.

Louis must have been deep in thought because he jumped at the sudden words, " I'm just worried about you Haz."

"Oh," Harry muttered, his anger returning, "how about we change the subject."

Louis seemed to notice that it really wasn't a question. It was a command.

"We have to leave for the concert in a little less the a half an hour."

Harry nodded, happy that the subject was off of him.

"Haz?" Louis asked, hesitating slightly.

"Hmm?" Harry replied.

"You will tell us, right?" Louis continued, "If something is wrong, I mean."

Harry gritted his teeth and muttered a quick, "of course," before slipping his headphones out of his suitcase and putting them into his ears.

"Haz?"

No response.

"Haz!"

Still nothing.

"Haz if you don't get your fat arse up now I'm going to tell everyone that you're gay in the next interview!"

Harry stuck his tongue out at Louis, but slipped his headphones and phone into his pocket. He got up slowly, attempting to decrease the dizziness. It helped, some. He looked at Louis, who was now laughing hysterically, and raised an eyebrow.

"Care to let me in on the joke?" Harry asked.

"What are you pregnant or something?" Louis managed before laughing again.

"Why do you ask that?" Harry asked, amused.

"The way you got up from the bed. You got up so slowly and carefully it was hilarious."

"Well," Harry frowned, "excuse me from trying to decrease the dizziness when I stand up."

Louis stopped laughing, "dizziness? Harry, you never told me you've been getting dizzy. How long has this been going on?"

You idiot! Now he's going to find out and take me away from you. You're going to become even more of a fat cow and no one will ever love you. I'm sorry Ana, what do I do? Brush it off. Change the subject. Flat out lie. Do whatever you have to. Yes Ana.

"Harry?"

"Louis it's just a bit of dizziness it's no big deal."

"Harry it is a big de-"

Before Louis could finish the door burst open revealing Liam, Zayn, and Niall.

"Come on you too. Paul's getting frustrated, we need to leave for the concert," Liam said.

"Sorry Lou can we talk later? Great," Harry smiled, taking off after the other boys.

***At the concert***

The first thing Harry noticed when he walked in their dressing room was the scale shoved up against the wall. He looked around to see if the other boys were watching him. Liam and Niall were already changing, sneaking glances at one another here and there. Louis was whining to Zayn that he wanted to wear suspenders that night, but that wasn't part of his outfit. Zayn was shaking his head at Louis and was facing away from Harry. Do it now before they know what you are doing. Harry checked the room one more time before picking up the scale and walking into the bathroom. Stripping down to his boxers, so he could get a more realistic weight, Harry nervously stepped on the scale.

131.

Harry smiled. In the last week he'd lost 6 pounds. Feeling brave, he took a quick glance in the mirror. Looking over his features, he screwed up his face in disgust. The only positive thing about his image was that his collarbones were definitely becoming more prominent. Other than that, though, he looked horrible. No wonder I don't have a girlfriend. Who would love a fat lard like me? Sighing, with obvious frustration, he redressed and walked out of the bathroom. He dropped the scale back in its place and grabbed his stage clothes off the rack, noting they were now a smaller size. As he looked over at the other boys, laughing and singing goofily, he had only one thought; this is going to be a long night.

***After the concert***

"Wasn't that great!"

"I know we have the best fans ever!"

"That was awesome!"

All the boys were jumping around and goofing off, obviously happy with the way the concert turned out. Harry stayed back a little. He had been running and jumping the entire concert and he was tired. He felt shaky and light-headed. Basically, he felt like crap and the boys were not helping. After a few a while Louis seemed to notice Harry's distant behavior.

"You alright, Haz?"

"I'm fine, Lou," Harry said, "just tired."

"Are you sure Harry?" Louis asked, "You're awfully pale."

"I said I'm fine Louis," Harry groaned, "please just accept that."

Louis just nodded, unsure of what to say. Instead he decided to go back over to the clothes rack and change back into his comfier clothes. Harry grabbed his clothes from the couch and walked into the bathroom. He avoided the mirror and changed quickly. Once he was done he walked over to the clothes rack and hung his stage clothes on it.

"Harry?"

"Yes?" Harry asked, turning to face Liam.

"I was just wondering," Liam mumbled, "why you're always changing in the bathroom. You never used to do that before."

"I guess I'm losing my love of being undressed, especially around other people."

It wasn't a lie. The thought of being undressed in front of his toned band members made Harry want to puke. Even when he was alone he didn't like being naked. It just meant that he could see all of his disgusting fat. He tried to keep covered as much as possible. Suddenly, he was jerked out of his thoughts by someone tapping him on the shoulder. He looked over and saw Paul standing behing him.

"Alright Harry?" He asked.

"I'm fine," Harry sighed, "why does everyone keep asking me that?"

"You're just looking a little pale these days," Paul said, "you will tell us if something is wrong?"

"Of course," Harry lied, for what felt like the millionth time that day.

"Good," Paul smiled, "now it's time to go. We have to be on the bus for the next city tomorrow at 6 a.m."

Harry nodded and followed Paul out the door and into the van.