Broken

Epilogue

6 Months Later




Harry's POV




"Harry dinners ready," Louis called from the kitchen, why I let him cook I don't know.




"I'll be there in a few minutes Lou," I called back, still checking my reflection in the mirror.




I was 20 pounds from my goal weight and it just kept getting harder. I could see pockets of fat collecting on my stomach and my arms were no better, but I had to push those thoughts back because I know that I don't see what everyone else sees. I see fat when everyone else sees someone who is still on the thin side, but looks healthier everyday.




"Harry if you don't come here right now you won't get any dessert and I don't mean chocolate if you get where I'm going."




That of course caught my attention. I slipped my shirt over my head and headed into the kitchen to eat . Over the last months a lot has changed. I've only cut once and I know that the anti depressant as well as the counseling has a lot to do with that and, of course, so does having Louis. Also I've only skipped a couple meals here and there. I think that when you have a heart attack you realize that there are more important things than what you want. Sometimes you have to do what is best for you and in this case that meant eating, not cutting, and being careful how much I exercise.




"What are we having?" I asked, slightly apprehensive about the fact that Louis made the meal.




"Macaroni and cheese and some salad," Louis smiled.




I relaxed visibly and Louis stuck his tongue out at me in fake offence at my nervousness about his cooking. We sat down at the table and I put some salad on me plate. I poured some dressing on it and then grabbed some macaroni and cheese. A couple weeks ago the doctor had finally decided that I was well enough that I could choose my portion sizes without eating too little. It's been wonderful to have that freedom. Louis smiled and nodded in approval at my plate. It still made me slightly nervous that I was eating so much, but I just have to remember I'm not getting fat even if that's what I see. I'm getting healthy.




"What were you doing in the bathroom?" Louis asked, looking nervous, "you were in there for awhile."




I suppose Louis had a good reason to be nervous. I had been given my razor back last week as a test run to see if I could go without cutting. I was supposed to give it back to Louis whenever I felt the urge to cut. I could see why Louis would assume I was in the bathroom cutting since the last time I was given my razor back, two months ago, I ended up cutting that same night.




"Just checking my reflection," I mumbled.




Louis' eyes softened, "oh Haz. You know it's okay to do that for a minute or two, but you shouldn't torture yourself."




"I know," I sighed, "it's just hard. Do you promise I'm not fat?"




"Harry I can assure you, you are not fat," Louis said, "you are just beginning to look healthy again."




"Thanks Louis," I smiled slightly.




Louis and I finished our dinner and then did the dishes together. Afterwards we put in The Titanic and cuddled together under a blanket. I still had to be watched an hour after meals, since I was still struggling with wanting to purge but I didn't mind. An hour with Louis goes by so fast. Before I knew it Louis was asleep. I smiled and snuggled closer to him. I may not be completely recovered yet, but I was doing so much better than I was six months ago and right now...that's enough.