This chapter is very depressing, but there's a reason behind it. This chapter is dedicated to one of my friends and one of my family members (No names, sorry) I love you.
-One day later-
"What the fuck happened?" My eyes were burning from tears. I didn't know what happened last night. My first reaction was to fight back. I wanted to stand up for myself. I guess I didn't do it the right way though.
"That was my friend." Luke looks at me in disappointment.
"I wasn't like them Luke. They hated me."
"But to fight? Why did you do that?" I looked down at my wrists.
"Are you cutting again?" Luke's voice cracked. He kneeled down and looked me in the eyes.
"Aria, answer me." His eyes were all watery. He was hurt. Because of me. I looked at Luke and just broke down.
"I need to go." I left the room and went back to my house. I never felt this humiliated. People knew I was Luke's girlfriend, now they think I'm a psycho. I feel like whenever I'm trying to do things right or what I think is right, I just ruin everything.
I walked into my room and sat on my bed, blanket over me. I heard my door creak.
"Honey, what's wrong?" I heard my mom's voice. She sat down next to me and put her hand on my shoulder.
"I don't know. I don't know mom. If I'm not hurting myself, I'm hurting everyone around me."
"Is this about Luke?"
"Sort of, yeah."
"Look, you're not hurting anyone, you're fine. You don't even need to be upset about anything, or at least most things. You have to try and stay positive because if you don't you're just dragging yourself down for no reason."
*knock* *knock*
Someone was at the door.
"Here I'll answer that. You stay here."
I heard voices from the distance. I heard some words like "she's not in the position to talk right now." I couldn't tell who she was talking to though. I heard my bedroom door close.
"What happened." It was Luke.
"Please go away."
"I'm trying to help you Aria. Why won't you let me help you?"
"Because it's humiliating. How I choose to just makes things worse and harm myself instead of asking for help."
"That's what you should do though. You should really ask for help."
"But what help does that do. They don't know exactly how I feel. They are not me. They can't see what I see. They can't feel what I feel because I experienced it and what I experienced can't be undone. What anyone experienced can't be undone."
"But why cut when you have people around you that love you?"
"Because I don't know how to escape my feelings. They all build up no matter how many times I tell a person about my problems. I don't mean to hurt people by cutting, I don't mean to hurt anybody in anyway." I started to cry even more.
"I haven't told anyone my problems. Not even you. So what I'm about to tell you, is something that you're not familiar with." I rubbed my eyes and took a breath, but I couldn't manage to stop crying.
"I've been surrounded by people that used to say that I meant nothing, that I couldn't do anything. As if people thought that broken bones hurt more than the names that I've been called and I got called all of them. I wasn't the prettiest girl in middle school, or the brightest, or the most popular." I looked out my window, taking a deep breath. I tried to speak but nothing came out. I sat there for a second.
"I grew up believing that no one would fall in love with me, that I would never meet someone capable to understand my feelings. I grew up with a broken heart, and it didn't help when my dad left me, even though it wasn't his fault. All these names haunt me to this day, and I hope and pray that I won't have to be in that position again." My voice cracked and I could hardly speak. My throat hurt from trying to hold back my tears.
"I used to have depression, I used to have to put a fake smile on my face everyday and I regret it. I regret it because I realized that our time is short, but it just wasn't easy. All the obstacle courses in the way saying 'no you can't pass through' made me stop and think what I was really supposed to do. People called it a 'phase' or called it 'stupid' but when they were sad and had problems themselves it wasn't stupid or a phase. That girl that fought me? Bailey? I knew her. She bullied me in middle school. When I was in 6th grade she was in 8th. I remembered her face because she hurt me so much." I wiped my tears and looked Luke in the eyes.
"But now that I'm in love with someone, and care for someone, all that I'm afraid of is losing them."
"Aria, I'm so sorry. I never knew. Why would someone do that to you?" Luke started to tear up himself.
"You are the most beautiful person I know. You're sweet, talented, smart, everything that a guy would want. I see guys eyeball you at school all the time and honestly it makes me really jealous. There will always be people who love you for who you are. You are perfect and you are wonderful and people love you so much. People will always hold things against you, but that's because they don't have anything else better to do. They feel like being mean gives them a life and makes them look cool, but in reality they deserve to be punished." Luke pouted.
"Those people are wrong, and do things wrong. They see things in a different way that isn't good because they messed with the wrong people. They messed with you, and that makes me furious. You don't deserve that. You don't EVER deserve that." I gave Luke a hug and dug my face into his shoulder. I've never met anyone so sweet and caring.
"Thank you. Thank you for never giving up on me."
"I love you." I whispered.
"I love you more." Luke kissed me on the lips.
"I won't ever leave you." Luke smiled, a smile that I would never forget.
