My Grievous Fault (Destiel)

Ch 17: A Palette of Lies

Castiel slid down the door, groaning in pain and sadness. He couldn't stop what he had done and there was no way he could change things. Billie had said that if Sam or Dean died that they would go to the void and never be able to be brought back.

Well he had gone and killed Deanne and Deanne wouldn't come back.  He had felt her hot blood running down the steel blade onto his fingers and dripping slowly, dripping slowly like bloody dewdrops onto the cold and unforgiving concrete floor below. He saw the look of anguish and pain on her face and the horror in her sparkling eyes. He watched as her eyes dulled and as her life slipped away like a sailor in a storm. He had seen her body go limp in his hands and he had taken out the knife, wondering how something so pathetic as a mass produced steel knife could be so devastatingly utilized to commit a most heinous murder.

He put his head in his hands and he just sat there, torturing himself over something he couldn't have stopped even if he wanted to. Sam knocked on the door, the harsh rapping sound grating on Castiel's frayed nerves.

"Cas, it's me. Can I come in?"

"No Sam. Please just leave me alone. You must be furious with me and I understand. So please leave me be."

"Cas it wasn't your fault. Lucifer possessed you and you couldn't control your actions. If you came out I could help you. We could find a way to bring him back."

"Sam, you can't do anything for me or for him. It was my fault that he died and now we can never get him back. I'm so sorry Sam." Called Castiel as he fell into a chair.

He began to close his eyes, his breathing becoming laboured and harsh. The poison was getting to him. He was dying faster and now that Dean was gone, now that Dean was dead, he had almost no time at all.

His skin was feverish and clammy, warm to the touch but he chattered as if he was going to freeze to death.

Play the song don't read until words start.

The piano played softly, Castiel's fingers smoothly tapping the keys, each bittersweet note filled with remorse and guilt. He struggled to forget the sinful memories but underneath the unforgiving moonlight, they spread forth, a crimson tide of horror and pain that he couldn't bear to see. He prayed to God, to his father and his prayers bore like scars on him but his wish was lost to the night, God forsaking even his son's most forlorn wishes. He continued to play, breathing deeply as the haunting melody, every one of his crystal tears, every breath that he took, weaving another lie and a curse that he was to bear but one that he struggled to break free from.

Killing Dean had been all of his fault and he couldn't forgive himself for it.

He played in the dark, his heart wishing for tomorrow, for the day where Dean would come back and where everything would be okay. His heart, like a million shards of broken glass had fate in the form of sorrow bleeding through to his soul and dyeing it a pale, fragile blue like ink that was left in the sun.

There was beauty in Dean's death however. the poor man wouldn't have to suffer although it was a bittersweet goodbye, Castiel saw a brilliant light but it too, like Dean, was beyond his reach, taunting him with every painful passing minute. Castiel thought to himself.

Maybe this is where I belong, buried under the moonlight, forced to live this miserable existence, alone and without any hope, without my hope, without Dean.

he stared up to the sky and cried in a loud voice,

"I praise your wonderful palette of lies Lord, for you created a masterpiece that bleeds together in a flawless harmony. So sing another spell and paint another dream so that you can bring a new and horrid life to reality."

He fell to his knees and began to weep bitterly, the last notes of the haunting melody echoing in his ears that forgot what happiness sounded like. His mistakes gathered like storm clouds and soon their heavy fruits would rain down on him. He danced in the chains of sorrow, his blinding pride reduced to nothing but ash and rubble.

"I once feared the end of my days Lord, praying for life so that I could share it with Dean but now I greet the darkness and the despair as old friends that have come back home after a long time away."

His heart ached with agony. He swore to protect Dean, to protect his innocence of the world, to protect him from neglect. Dean's voice, like a melody that rivalled the evil in the world was silent and now, Dean finally felt free but Castiel was stuck on earth longing for his smile again.

"You know God, maybe there's a chance, a way out of this cruel and deadly dance but at what cost? what must I give up so that you will give me Dean back? Again the full moon is lost to the night. again Dean is lost to me."

Would tomorrow come at last, safe and secure or would it arrive in a million shards of broken glass? Fate once again bled through Castiel, dyeing his soul a pale and fragile blue.

"There is beauty in the lie and spoken like a bittersweet goodbye but still Dean, your brilliant light is out of my reach, So maybe I belong underneath the cold hearted moonlight. Goodbye Dean"

Broken strains of piano floated down the bunker hallway and in between those haunting notes, a man's quiet sobs could be heard.

The piano stopped abruptly when Sam walked into the room.

"Cas, I need to know something. Did you see the dead body and yourself stab her or was that not you?"

"I saw the de dead body Sam but I don't remember stabbing her."

Sam stopped for a minute and when he looked back up, tears welled in the corners of his eyes.

"Cas, you said that you would die if Dean died because of your profound bond right?"

"Yes Sam. Why are you clarifying that?"

"Cas, you're not dead."

"I know Sam."

They stared at each other for a minute before they spoke in unison.

"That means that Deanne is alive."