heartache hospital | kellic | ✓

three

Kellin's pov

"Doctor Barham said I'm getting better." I said shakily. His eyes glimmered with hope.

But it's all lies, Doctor Barham said I'm getting worse.

"Really!? That's great! Kellin this is great! I can't wait for everything to go back to normal. We can go home and we can get married in the future and have kids and grow old together!" Vic nearly screamed as he ran to me and tackled m in a hug. The hug hurt so much, but if I said that, he'd know what I was doing.

"I can go home sometime this week." I'm dying sometime this week.

"We can look at the stars all night once you leave!" Vic started crying, and I did too. Only stars I'll see are the ones you put in the room.

I cried because I told him such horrible lies, but I played it off as joyful tears. I don't mean to drag him down, I can't tell what's really happening, if I do, he'll wanna join me in death. We rely too much on each other, he needs to get better because "I'm getting better".

I don't want my death to affect him more than necessary. He needs to feel some sort of happiness before I die, he can't be sad forever.

As much as I'd give anything to surround his dreams, I can't take up all his thoughts. I want Vic to carry on without me, I just don't want him to forget me.

I used to be ashamed to say this, but since I'm nearing my end, I say it more often, I'm scared. I'm afraid, I'm worried, I'm terrified.

Making Vic believe a lie is one of the worst things i could ever do, but I can't leave him forever miserable.

"I'm glad you're getting better. I think about my life without you and I start to cry." He smiled as he wiped a tear away. Okay, ouch that hurt my heart because I actually will not be a part of his life in almost a week.

"Hey, it's alright, I love you and I'll never leave your side." More lies.

I'll be nothing but a memory. He can remember what I sound like, but he'll forget what we talked about.

I'm leaving him just when he thought I was his, he thinks I'm his forever, that impossible now. 

I was given a lot of medication, so much to point where I can't even remember the names. I was given surgery and blood donations, but my body won't accept the help. My body knows it's time to leave. At first it took the medication, but now I puke it out.

There's no way I can stay, I've accepted that. I worried about Vic's future, will he move on quicker than I anticipated? Will he get married or forget the color of my eyes? Will he have kids?

My thoughts became messy, my heart rate and breathing was erratic too. Vic noticed and quickly laid beside me.

He hummed to me, I couldn't recognize the song, but it was calming. He held me close to him, and he wrapped his legs around my small body.

I worked on relaxing, I couldn't risk Doctor Barham running in and telling Vic the truth. Vic can't know the truth till it happens.

After a while, I was relaxed, and Vic fell asleep beside me. I cried some more and I worried some more. I could smell his beautiful scent, but it made me cry more because so could never be held like this again after I die.

"Please don't hate me." I cried so hard that my voice wouldn't carry out more than a whisper. He could hate me because I lied and told him the complete opposite of me living and getting better.

My thoughts were clouded with my death and Vic, but the two opposites, happiness and sorrow, didn't mix well. It left me with increasing anxiety and guilt.

There's no motivation to hold me up. I can't believe I'm getting better because it's impossible. I may seem like a pessimist, but the reality is I'll die soon.

After a while, I fell asleep in beside next to the person I love, something we'll both never be able to do in a few days.

Unless Vic can move on quickly and fall asleep next to someone he loves in the future, he'll be alone at night. It hurt to admit he'd move on and love someone else, but I want the best for him. I won't be alive, I won't be the best, I am temporary.

a.n. three updates in one day. this is an accomplishment. only about two chapters left. enjoy ;)