heartache hospital | kellic | ✓

five

Kellin's death is the worst thing to ever happen to me.

Kellin woke up screaming. I was already awake, but it still woke up because it scared me senseless. I panicked and yelled for help. Doctor Barham and a few other doctors ran in.

"V-Vic! Don't hate me please, I-I love you. I'm so sorry for lying to you. This is the end." Kellin gasped for air.

My heart hurt too much. Everything was going so well, I should've known it was only going to result in a horrible situation. I was naive and chose to believe there would only be a high.

"Kellin please don't le-leave me! Please! I need you! Kellin breathe please." I screamed. I I led away the tears and they fell rapidly from my face.

Kellin was in pain, he was gasping for air. I saw him choke and it took my breath away. I couldn't help him, I couldn't save him, all I could do is shout for someone to save him. I was useless, and Kellin was dying.

The doctors called out phrases I didn't understand, but I was too focused on Kellin screaming, "I love you, Vic! I'm sorry!"

Every second passes in slow motion, yet his death was so quick. I watched, I sobbed, I yelled, but it didn't save him. I relied on the doctors, but they couldn't save him.

I ran to Kellin as held him. He cried so much, he's never cried so much, neither have I.

"Kellin, please stay alive! Please. You can't go, we're supposed to spend forever with each other! Kellin!" I held him close and I kissed him. This was the last moment of emotion and intimacy for us. 

"Promise me you'll move on, but please don't forget me. Promise me you'll carry on. Promise me you'll do great things for the both of us."

"I promise, I promise. Don't leave me, Kellin."

"I won't, I know you'll have me in your heart. I won't leave you emotionally and mentally."

The doctors didn't push me away, even they knew there was no saving Kellin, so they couldn't tell at me to leave.

It was quick but painful. I didn't realize he was officially dead until his I love you's stopped and the heart monitor went flat.

The beeping rang in my ears, but it didn't phase me. In my arms, I held a dead Kellin, but my eyes were so blurred that it was hard to tell.

I leaned to peck his lips one last time. It may have seemed wrong, to kiss him even if he was dead, but it was just a kiss, it meant nothing to him now.

The reality crashed upon me, and if it was possible, I cried even harder.

I'd give anything to carry on and on the same way. It didn't matter how many times I wished for Kellin to return, he wouldn't. I wanted to carry on with Kellin by my side. I wanted him to be happy and healthy and alive. It's impossible.

I'm an anarchist in love. I can't stop loving him, death will never stop me from loving him.

Before the doctors carried his body away on a gurney, I walked around the room, crying, as I took all the stars and planets off the walls. I placed them on Kellin's bed. He died surrounded by all of the things he loved and cared about; me and space.

I placed Pluto and Mars on his chest, near his heart. Just the action made me cry more. At least I apologized before he...before he left this world without me.

His funeral left me in constant pain, but I couldn't let Kellin be buried with very little sentimental things. I made sure he the glow in the dark stars and Pluto and Mars from his hospital room placed in his coffin. I would've loved to send his ashes to space, but it was rejected because he's "irrelevant" that made me cry more.

I wore his sweater later on once I got home. Mike came over to the heartache hospital and drove me home. He didn't mind me crying, he let me cry. He cried a little too, but not as much. Kellin just meant way more to me than he did to Mike.

I can't find my way without him, but I promised Kellin I'd do great things.

And I did. It took a while, I cried everyday, almost all the time. Everything reminded me of him, and it tore my world further apart.

I wrote a song for him just like I said would. I got Jaime, Mike, and Mike's boyfriend, Tony, to help me. I called it "Song for Kellin" because I couldn't just change it. I broke down several times while recording it.

I never fully recovered from his death, I just became numb to the constant ache in my body.

The night he died, I got a call saying that Pluto was being accepted as a planet again, and I knew it was Kellin working his ways that I fell in love with.

I was left with a constant heartache.

a.n. okay this is the first time i've finished a book wow okay. thank you guys for the support, this is the most I've been noticed. i hope i accomplished my goal of breaking hearts tbh. thanks for joining me on this emotional ride. sorry for any mistakes.