Therapy Session Poetry Series

Therapy Session 2

"How are you feeling today?"

I'm okay....I'm slightly depressed today....

I'm always slightly depressed lately

"Why?"

I put a lot of hope into other people

So much that if plans get cancelled

Or if something happens between us

I get really messed up and feel hurt

"Why has this been lately and not always?"

I use to be happy when I was in high school

I loved my teachers and friends

I loved getting recongnized for trying

I loved that I was most of my teachers favorite

I really loved my friends

"What happened to your friends?"

After school they all moved away

or had families or both

But I had my small group of best friends

And slowly one by one....I lost all of them

"Why?"

They all used me and hurt me or both

One moved away and totally changed

She turned into someone I couldn't be friends with

She did some really rude things the last time she visited

Everyone got mad and even though it was hard I did too

I got mad because I was mad not because they were

I just got overly upset because my other friends amped me up

"Why did you let them?"

I was worried if I didn't get as mad as them

That they would get mad at me too

I just wanted to be mad at her

I didn't want to be mean like they were to her

Like she was to me

"What about your other friends? What happened with them?"

One of them was my best friend

The best friend I've ever had in my entire life

I never had to share her either...I was her best friend too

She used my family and stole from me and them

She got in my head and used me when I was vulnerable

She ruined my life and it's going to take a long time to fix it

I still think about her sometimes and....and...

"And?"

And I sometimes wish I could go back to her

Even though I know she'd hurt me all over again

She chose a guy that told her he didn't love her

A guy that hurt her all the time

She chose him over me

She was my twin and I loved her so much

But when I started dating my fiance she couldn't handle it

She got jealous and lonely and I got absorbed in love

I had just got out of an abusive long term relationship

I had just got dumped by my first love

She was the only one there and I clung to her

She kept me together but the whole time

She was slithering into the cracks of my heart

She made a home in my heart and made sure I needed her

To survive, to not hurt, to be happy

Then she realized she was losing control when I met him

"Tell me about him..."

He's perfect....in the most imperfect way

He has such a way with words...

It's like he absorbed every poet's soul inside him

And uses them to help him write beautiful things

He had the same values as me

He wanted to create and love and be loved

He wanted honesty and loyalty and happiness

He's so smart too...he knows all these things that are useless

Until you really need to know something random

When we met neither of us thought it would last at first

But on our first date I fell asleep in his arms

I was so comfortable and fragile and he stayed

He knows what it's like to hurt and need someone

He knows how it feels to miss someone

He's one of the strongest people I know and....

I love him more than anything in the world

And the best part?

"Yes?"

He's never used me

He ALWAYS appreciates me

He always gives back as much as he can

He's not afraid to show me his real self

He's not scared to cry and hurt

That's something I can't do

He thinks I'm this wonderful perfect person

I'll never be as good as he thinks I am

But he makes me want to be that person

He's the reason I changed and stopped being the bad person I was

When I was still best friends with her

"What about the others?"

There's only one more...

I don't even know if she's my friend or not

She's so focused on her life

The last time I thought she was mad at me

I went into a really bad depression and I needed her

She knew I needed her and she read every message

Every panicked paragraph and scared sentence

Every worried word and lonely letter

She didn't reply for almost two months

She could have said three words and it would have changed everything

Just a quick "I'm not mad" to avoid the torture

Now we're in the exact same situation

But this time I think she's truly mad at me

She didn't care about me but for almost two months

Every single day I would wake up lonely and sad

I cared so much and she cared so little....

"What if she's not mad? What will you do?"

I can't keep going through that....

I will talk to her but I won't ever depend on her again

I won't let her ignore me and hurt me

If I have to be alone to keep me from hurting myself

Then that's what I have to do...

"It seems our time is up. I will see you next week."