"Tell me about high school. Was it good for you? Bad?"
I loved high school...I miss it so much sometimes
I never wanted to graduate...I could have stayed forever
"Why didn't you want to leave?"
I felt wanted, happy, safe, appreciate, noticed, and useful....
Now I'm a loser going nowhere with a dead end life
Living off others and not even being able to repay them....
I knew I would be like this....I knew I needed more time
I had a lot happen after high school that messed my future up
I can't keep blaming myself for it all...
"What happened?"
I was dating a guy I'd like for a long time named Allen
For two years, four months, and five days
He was my first love, my everything
He turned into a bad guy toward the end though
I knew it was going bad but I stayed....I'm loyal to a fault
He hurt me a lot and I let him....he left me
I found out he was gay and I was the last to know
We talked that night and I had to sit there
Convincing him into leaving me
Like I was some kind of messed up sales person....
Selling him on the idea of being with someone else
It literally broke me in pieces and I had to pretend I was fine
"Why is that?"
I had to break up with my first love and best friend
Just because I knew it was coming didn't make it hurt less
I wanted to be in his life and support him still
So I had to pretend it didn't hurt to breathe
Or live....
I let him treat me horribly and date my gay friends in front of me
My other friends got mad and made a big deal out of it
They didn't understand that he had treated me that way
That I had been abused by him for a long time before that
Mostly emotionally and mentally
"Why did you let him abuse you?"
I was so use to it because of my mom
She abused me horribly as a kid
I didn't know how to be treated right
That's why I liked reading and escaping
I wanted him to be my prince charming
He ended up being just as bad as my mom....
We broke up a month before college started
No one cared enough to realize I was broken
I fell in love with a guy named Luke that I met online
At first he was perfect
But....he became the worst monster I ever knew....
"How?"
YOU ARE READING
Therapy Session Poetry Series
PoesíaI decided that since I can't see a therapist right now that maybe this will help. It's a series of me basically writing back and forth to myself while I figure out my problems and expose myself by sharing them with readers. It may get really intense...
