Courage to Let Love in

Chapter 20: Awkward moment

King Fredrick's P.O.V.

Someone once said to me, "Follow your instincts, they will lead you where you ought to be."

I was tired and every inch of my body ached. I quickly lied down in bed and fell asleep. Moments later I woke up awkwardly. It was one of the moments when you feel that you have some unfinished business or that you have missed out something and you need to get back to it as soon as possible.

Unable to comprehend the true reasons of my restlessness I quickly got out of my bed and had a glass of water. I picked scrap parchments and paper from the table when a strange form of fear inflamed my peace. I rushed out of my chambers and managed to reach the threshold of her chambers. 

I stopped there for some moments till I gathered my courage to opened the door. I was in state of trans at this point, the fact that there was a small battle taking place at that moment, the realization that such a battle made it presence, was in itself a very unusual discovery. Those few breathes that I had drawn while standing at the very entrance of those chambers were countable. 

How shall I describe that moment? It was like I had woke up from a dream and entered another. It was like the pilgrimage. A sacred journey that one takes in search of the divine. To me, that threshold was like a gateway to that divine temple where resides an unimaginable, untouched and pure deity.

The anticipation of what would happen once I pass that threshold made my heart beat so fast that every ounce of breathe I took made every nerve of my body tremble. The uncertainly of that moment was the only thing that felt real to me. It was the first time I had wished not to know all the answers of the questions that my clueless mind was pouring onto me. It was a relief to know that I felt that this was the right moment and which ever way it would turn out to be, it will be how it ought to be.

I concluded that anticipation is much stronger than fear and took my first steps towards  my sacred deity, those steps were take with careful overtones of vassalage and loyalty.

In my sub-consciousness I saw her, resting her head uncomfortably on one side of the back-rest while her feet lightly touched the ground. Her twisted body and half-closed eyes exhibited an altogether different picture. It was of misery, dishearten and broken state of being. That sight was so in high contrast with the frame of mind I was in that it's mere existence could me cry. 

This high contrast was brutally true. It was undoubtedly beautiful and also horrifying. How can two half of the "same' be so different? How could one suffer while the other experiences trans and un-parallel delight? I was in my safe heaven while she was lost in place far away.

I stayed there for as long as I could remember. It was like absorbing all the essence of the flower before it withers. I gradually made my way towards her and approached her with an extra precaution. I sat next to my sleeping wife, wife, Ah! how strange to know that we bond by this sacred union. Since she was at the very edge of the bed, I had enough room to sit comfortably besides her. I leaned and gently put the strands of her long dark hair away from her face.

At dawn I woken up by soft murmurs that appeared to be calling my name, I lazily opened my eyes and quickly shut them again as the brightness reached my eyes. I groaned softly and lifted my head to placed it again onto a comfortable surface and dozed off again.

I woke up again when the mild fragnance reached my nostrils and I en-haled it deeply. It was a very familiar smell and it was refreshing as well. I slowly turned myself and extended my hand to reach on to something while still keeping my eyes closed.

I heard someone call my name again. This time the call was more urgent. Reluctantly, I opened my eyes. The moment our eyes met she was blushing furiously. I moved a little away to get a view of the situation and found myself thoroughly embarrassed on it's discovery.

I got up and turned and bend into sitting position. My back was on her and I was facing the wall. I pulled the blanket away but it was tangled with my leg. It took me a few awkward moments to free myself from the covers and I hastily reached towards the exit. But before I pulled the door I stopped there for a split second and then quickly rushed out, never turning back to catch a glimpse.