Courage to Let Love in

Chapter2: Green year

Queen Natasha perspective:

I was anxious to see him again. It’s been two months and seventeen days since he left. My days were dull and uneventful. I have seen worst but this misery appeared to be endless. Oh! What shall I do about it?

The sound of hooves and rustling of the leaves woke me up with a start. I must have been asleep after long hours of waiting. It was almost midnight. My mother-in-law retired to bed long before I dismissed my ladies-in-waiting. Servants and other staff members also left and I found myself alone in my chambers.

I chanced myself to look outside the window in hope that he would be there. Alas! The hardest of times are perhaps the slowest of times too! Why it is that 'waiting' and 'wishing' are so hard to bear?

I sighed loudly. There was still no hope for his arrival. Only a small party of men with light armour and horses had come. He always travelled with much more grandeur than this. It can't be him. Disappointment cross my mind.

I should focus hard, I told myself. This is a hopeless cause. One man should not dominate my thoughts. I am a queen and a Warrior-lady. I have seen battlements, torture, blood and vengeance. Why then such a simple thing could trouble me so?

I quickly walked across the room to flinch some water from the pitcher when I heard footsteps climbing the staircase. Suspicion grew. I slowly followed the footsteps.

The intruder must have been a fool to think that he could find the King in his bed chamber and hurt him, I smiled to myself.

I was holding fast the candle stand as I approached the landing. The door was slightly ajar. The intruder must have taken lamp or light source with him because a faint light filled the chambers.

I could not hear any sound from the outside. Perhaps he was not here to hurt the King. Perhaps he was a thief. For several minutes, many thoughts came into my mind.

Human mind is a wonderful thing. The most interesting ideas comes to us in the most strangest of times.

"Who are you?!!” I shouted as I slammed the door open.

"It's me!” he replied.

I froze and abruptly asked him, “What are you doing here?"

That was a moment I wish I had kept my mouth shut. I closed my eyes in embarrassment. He sighed and replied," This is my room."

I nodded and turned to leave when he called me and said, "What's the matter?"

"Nothing... Its late I must take my leave", I replied. I remained there unmoved, unable to meet his gaze. Why can't I let my feet out of this room?! My mind told me to leave him at that very instant but my heart was telling me otherwise.

He took a step forward and said in a calm voice, “Turn around." and I did. Still unable make an eye contact with him. Suddenly I felt guilty to intrude his privacy.

"I should have informed the guards to let you know about my late return. You did what you ought to do. It pleases me to know that you were so attentive while others are so careless and unaware regarding the security." he continued.

Why is he complimenting me? How can he act so naturally in an awkward moment such this one?

He then motioned me to take a seat. Since the chairs and sofas were far behind me I only felt comfortable in taking closest possible seating, which in this case was the edge of his bed.

I sat facing him. He was standing there removing his travelling coat. He looks so tired.

Silence filled the room once again and I sat there staring at the floor pattern avoiding making any eye contact with him.

He noticed my hesitation. And lifted a chair and placed right before me. He then casually took his boots off and picked them up and put them in the closet. I watched him in amazement.

Not only was his well-discipline but all quite well-organized. I noticed his clean room.

I must have smiled at this thought because moments later he was sitting right across me and watched me curiously as I found myself lost in my own thoughts.

He laughed. And I became aware of my surroundings. I lifted my eyes up and met his.

He was smiling casually at me. He looked relaxed. He had rotated the chair the other way around so that his leg hung sideways and the chin rested on the back of the chair.

At that moment he looked years younger. He looked so relaxed. Almost cheerful at something I did not know about.

I furrowed. And acquired, "What is it?"

He gave the most genuine smile and said," You tell me."

"Why did you come here with such small party? Where are the others? What happened?" I asked in a single breath. Hours of anxiety and longing were all dissolved in this moment.

"Whoa! You have so many questions!" he said amusingly.

It was not how I wished this to proceed. I wanted to know everything about him. I wanted reassurance that he was safe and that he was alright.

There was a pause. While my mind busied itself in such thoughts he stayed there looking at me closely.

"Are you okay?" I asked desperately and also quite suddenly.

He looked at me in terrible confusion and shocked. I must confess I was just as surprised at my behaviour.What shall I call it? I thought silently. Shall I call it concern? I never expressed this to him. Ever.

He was transfixed. Unmoved. Frozen. It appeared that he stayed like that for hours or perhaps more. Nothing could wake me up either. The alarming heartbeats must have take hold of my pre-occupied mind. I was panicking for exposing my feelings like that. His thoughts remained mystery to me.

We remained silent. He recovered faster and tried to utter the words," I am alright. Fine..."

Guilt flooded inside me. This could not be it. I cannot let this ruin the sentiments I worked so hard to build. I hated him!!! This must stop!

I rose up to leave. And he held my hand and stops me.

"Let me go." I said firmly.

I sighed when he remained indifferent. He stood up and kept his hand firmly on mine. He then jerked me until I found myself facing him. I struggled to loosen his grip but he held his ground. I could have fought him better if I wasn't so tired and weary of all stress I had endured due to his absence. I continued twisting my hand to free myself but his hold grew stronger. So I gave in and sighed.

He took a step closer until we were so close that I could smell him. He smelled musk.

"I want to speak to you." he said in a controlled tone.

The firmness in his manner of speaking send shivers down my spine.

It will be a long long night; I told myself and nodded to him.