The next morning we sit in the cafeteria, my first day since her death that
I’ve eaten openly with everyone. Ben sits on one side of me, and matt on the
other. He pokes vigorously at my arm trying to make up for all the annoying little
brother antics I’d missed out on while I was in my state of distain. Ben
occasionally gives me this look that greatly asks “Okay?” from his eyes, and I’ll
nod, and the corners of his mouth will turn slightly up as he counties to eat
breakfast slop.
Seeing him is like a slap in the face, like a double slap in the face. One
slap for him, and one slap for me. We should’ve grieved together, but we both
chose to grieve alone, which only made it worse. Derek walks into the hall, a
shotgun on one shoulder, pain etched into his face, probably to remain there
forever, he sees me. His whole stature softens. “Elizabeth,” he whispers. I try to
give him a small look of hope, a small smile, but it probably comes out as a
grimace. “Hey.” I whisper back. We stare at one another only momentarily,
before I jump to my feet, and run to him. He scoops me up, and holds me close,
only as a ‘brother’ could. ‘I’m sorry.” he sobs into my sweater. “I’m sorry I couldn’t
save her. I’m so sorry Elizabeth. It’s all my fault.” his sobs shake through us both,
and then I’m sobbing against him too. Everyone else is silent. Letting us have a
moment, that is long over do. “It’s okay Derek. It’s not your fault. It never was.”
After breakfast, Ben leads me down to the hospital tent where Anne, and
Lourdes sit discussing doctoral things. Ben smiles widely at Anne, and she
opens her arms for him to hug her. Then she hugs me with a open smile, and I
smile back. “So Elizabeth are you here to get your stitches cleaned?” Lourdes
asks, and I nod at her. She grins at me, and it’s nice to see all these smiles
directed at me. “Also, Anne we want to ask you some questions.” Ben mumbles,
and she turns to him openly accepting whatever may come her way. “Well, me
and Skitter Bait have been talking, and we’ve been talking kids.” Ben leaves it at
that, and Anne immediately purses her lips, as Lourdes begins to dump peroxide
on my wounds, it hurts, so I grip Ben’s hand waiting for Anne’s reply. “Ben, your
stem cells, can heal broken bones. Do you really want to put something inside of
Elizabeth, with stem cells like that?” Anne’s voice is quiet but stern.
“I don’t want to hurt her. Of coarse not, but I want kids. I want little baby
feet running around, and I want someone to call me daddy. I want a son named
Jimmy, and a daughter named Lisa. I want to have a normal life.” be grips my
hand tightly, and I can feel his sincerity. “I understand Ben, but until we knew
more about your condition, we shouldn’t do anything that could put your wife I
danger.” Anne is head of reason, and Ben nods vigorously tying to shake the
brokenhearted expression that his feature hold. “Okay then, lets start learning
more. Lets start running tests, on me. Like, now.” Ben’s voice is quiet, but stern. I
grit my teeth. “Ben, what is your hurry!? We have so much time! You are my
husband its not like that’s going to change!” I half yell/mumble at him. “Elizabeth,
I saw what your sister’s death did to you. If I- if I- die. I want you to have
something to make you keep going.”
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