This Wasn't Supposed To Be Mutual (Brendon Urie fanfic)

Chapter 21

My father's dinner was alright. He seemed like an alright guy, but I was skeptical of him. I don't think I would ever trust him. I still felt like he wasn't going to tell me the whole truth of what happened between him and my mother.

Brendon didn't know how to cope with me. I was emotional and he tried to calm me down, but I don't think anything would help me.

I sat in the shower in Brendon's bathroom and let the water hit me. I wasn't doing anything other than sitting there and thinking. It was hard for me to process everything that had happened. I heard the door open and close, and Brendon was there with a towel. He shut the shower off and wrapped me in a towel.

"Why do you sit here?" He asked me. He had pity in his eyes and I hated the pitiful look.

I felt embarrassed about how emotional I was being, "It's the only place I can think."

I felt his warm embrace and he carried me to our room. He laid me on the bed and ran his fingers through my wet hair. "You can talk to me."

I avoided his piercing gaze and just stared at the bed. "I don't think I will ever be ready to talk to you about my mother's death." I didn't tell him what her last word to me were, I didn't want anyone to know. My own mother hated me, I hated myself.

"C'mon Alana, I love you. Talk to me," He was pressuring me. I was tired of him asking about the whole ordeal and I blurted it.

"Her last words to me were 'I hate you'," I murmured. Instantly I regretted it.

He stared at me with shock and retreated his arm from me, "What? I'm sure she didn't hate you, Baby."

I shook my head and I could feel tears running out of the corners of my eyes.

"Baby," an unsure Brendon replied quickly. He didn't know what to do.

"I need to think, can I borrow the car?" I quickly asked him. He nodded.

I got out of his bed and got myself dressed. I didn't really care about being naked in front of Brendon, he had seen me before. I just put on some leggings and a tee-shirt and my signature black converse. I looked at myself in a mirror while I was walking down the hall. Damn, I'm a mess. I put my hair into a bun and went into the bathroom to do some makeup. I picked up a eyeliner pencil and mascara. My skin was not breaking out, for once, so I skipped the foundation and concealer.

I got into Brendon's car and drove it. I didn't drive it to anywhere particular, I just needed to be alone. I realized where I was once I parked the car. The cemetery.

I hadn't seen my mother's tombstone, I was scared to look at it. I was scared to see her, I knew I wouldn't actually see her. The tombstone represented her. I got out of the car and my feet somehow knew where to go, I was in auto-pilot mode. Within minutes I was at her tombstone. It was large, it had an engraving on it.

Loving daughter and mother

Rachel Elizabeth Voyles

1978-2016

I could feel the tears pouring down my cheeks and I collapsed on her grave. I cried so hard I cried myself to sleep.

I know it's clique, but I swear I had a dream about her. She and I were sitting on the couch, eating cold pepperoni pizza. The television was on Jeopardy.

She looked at me and paused the show. Then she put her pizza slice down, "Alana, I love you. Never forget that." She picked up her slice and pressed play on the television. I felt like that was her message, telling me that everything was okay. That she didn't hate me.

~~~~~

I woke up and everything was dark. My eyes were swollen from crying. I reached for my phone and the clock said 11:57 P.M. There was hundreds of texts and missed calls from Brendon. I sighed and laid on the ground and stared up at the stars. The darkness made the stars shine bright and the sky was enchanting.

"This is beautiful," I said to no one. I kept looking at the sky and then a few minutes I called Bren.

Within two rings he answered the phone and his panicked voice started to question me, "Are you okay?"

"I am now."

"Where are you?"

"With my mother," I said dreamily.

"What?" He sounded confused.

I took in a deep sigh, "I'm at her gravestone, everything is okay."

"Did seeing her help you?" He asked.

I bit my lip. "Yeah, I think so. I know she doesn't hate me anymore."

"You're biting your lip," He chuckled softly and I could hear the relief in his voice.

How did he know that? "How do you know I am?"

I could hear the smile on his mouth, "I just know." I wanted suddenly to be in his arms. His warm embrace and his warm kisses on top of my head. I wanted my love.

"I'll see you when I get home. I'm driving home now, Babe," I waited for his response and hung up.

I ran through the grave yard to get back to the car. I wanted to be in Brendon's arms as soon as possible. I nearly leaped into the car and started it quickly. Nearly no one was on the road on the way back to our house.

I unlocked the door and I immediately felt Brendon's arms around me. I smelt the fresh smell of a shower on his skin and feel the wet drops of water from his hair.

"My Babygirl," He whispered into my hair. I kissed him on the lips and he carried me to our bedroom. He laid me in bed for the second time that day and ran his fingers through my hair again. He smiled at me and I smiled back at him. For the first time in a week, I felt okay.

A/N:
Hey guys, how are you liking the book? Extra long chapter for you guys today! Have a nice day!