The Moment I Knew (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 28

A/N
Well.
It hasn't been three weeks or anything.
I'm soooooo sorry, seriously.
I always told myself that I wouldn't be that author that took forever to update and now I kind of am.
It's just that school started and now I'm sleeping instead of writing and I just haven't been inspired at all to write, which is my biggest problem.
Hopefully once I start Untouchable, that won't be a problem.
Love you!!

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Louis's POV

I was shipped back to London for the TV interview.
I stayed with Liam again, much to my displeasure.
Despite the fact that I was exhausted in every sense of the word, I didn't sleep for even a minute.
"Louis? Time to get up," Liam said gently, shaking my shoulder.
"Fuck off," I snarled, batting his hand away roughly.
It was unreasonable and mean, but I was in a horrendous mood.
He recoiled immediatly.
"We've got to leave in an hour, so if you want to shower, you probably should soon," he said.
"Fuck off," I repeated, pulling the sheet over my head.
"Whatever, Louis," he sighed, "Just be ready to go, okay?"
I decided against taking a shower. I knew that my hair probably looked greasy, but I was in the mood to spite people and I knew that lately Lou had a hard job when it came to making me look good.
I smirked at myself in the mirror when I finally got up.
She would have to put on makeup by the pound to make me look like anything but week-old road kill.
As usual, I grabbed the first clothes I saw and oh-
I bit my lip. I had thrown a bunch of clothes in a bag when I had left my mums and I had somehow taken Harry's "Harry <3 Louis" shirt along with me.
I didn't even remember how I had come to be in possession of it, but it smelled faintly like Harry and I had an inexplicable urge to roll in it like a dog.
I didn't do anything like that.
I threw it across the room like it had burned me and I picked up a plain black shirt.
I made sure to take my time getting dressed and brushing my teeth.
"Lou?" Liam called, "We really need to go!"
I rolled my eyes to myself, but I headed down to him.
He studied me as I put my shoes on.
"No offense, Lou, but you look like shit," he said.
I blinked, my eyes stinging with exhaustion.
"I'll work on it," I quipped, "Sometimes I like to go for a more natural look, but apparently it's not a crowd favorite."
Liam snorted, but it was laced with sadness.
"Louis, I've said it before and I'll probably say it again, but you're going to ruin yourself if you don't sleep more," he sighed.
"I'm already ruined," I said evenly, "Don't we need to leave?"
It was in a tone of voice that I knew Liam recognized enough to know that it meant to leave me alone.
We hit traffic on the way.
Liam cursed as we came to a complete standstill.
"Think I have time to take a wee before we move?" I drawled, kicking my feet up to place them on the dashboard.
"Shut up, Louis. We're going to be really late," he grunted, tapping the wheel anxiously.
"Maybe we'll miss it," I said, tipping my head back and shutting my eyes, "S'not a bad idea."
"Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning or something? You're being even more snippier than usual," he grumbled.
"Babe, I never fell asleep on the right side," I said.
Liam made a frustrated noise. I didn't know if it was because I hadn't slept at all or because we had yet to move.
A painfully slow hour later, Liam was grabbing my wrist and dragging me into the building.
Zayn and Niall sighed with relief when they saw us.
It wasn't a live interview, but we still had a schedule to follow. Liam and I were nearly a half hour late.
"Shitty traffic," Liam explained, pushing me towards Lou's chair.
She took one look at me and groaned.
"Literally, no matter what I do, you're still going to look exhausted and in need of a shower," she complained.
"Because I am," I agreed, "So how about we save everybody's eyes and I just go home?"
"You're being annoying, Louis," she said.
She halfhazardly styled my hair into a messy quiff that made it look slightly less greasy. Then she put as much makeup under my eyes as she could without it looking like I had a shit ton of makeup under my eyes.
It really only did a little to mask the fact that I looked like shit.
Microphones were frantically clipped onto our shirts and before I knew it, we were being shoved out onstage.
The interviewer reached out to shake my hand, but I walked past her.
Zayn pinched my hip when we sat down in warning.
I realized that I had no idea what the interviewer was going to ask us. We hadn't had time for me to look at the questions.
I shifted uncomfortably and ran my hand through my hair, undoubtably messing up the already disastrous quiff.
She ran through standard interview questions. We'd gotten a lot of questions about whether or not we were working on a new album, which we weren't.
"Do you have the dates planned out for your pushed-back tour?" she asked.
Christ, where had this woman been for the past five months?
"They're all the same dates, nearly, just a year late. We figured it would be easiest to do it like that, plus it'll give us time to rehearse again," Liam said.
"We also haven't been singing as much as we usually do; at least I haven't. We need to get back into that as well," Zayn added.
"Speaking of getting back into things, what will happen once Harry comes back? There's, what, a month left?" she asked.
"Probably a bit less, yeah," Niall agreed, "He said something about getting out like a week or two early."
"That's great!" the interviewer said, grinning.
Her lipstick was bright pink. It was annoying me.
"As far as what'll happen, we're not very sure yet. He'll probably live with one of us, for safety reasons, obviously," Liam said.
Me, I thought, he's living with me, no matter what anybody says.
"I suppose we'll all need to ease back into things, not just Harry. We've had nearly six months of doing next to nothing and we know that it'll be tough to get back into, especially for him. He won't have seen any paparazzi or any fans or had an interview for six months. Obviously he remembers it, but he's not used to it anymore," Liam continued.
She nodded, looking so interested in every word that he said that I had to wonder if she was completely faking it.
"So what about that roommate of his, Felix?" she asked.
Both Zayn and Niall on either side of me simultaneously put an arm around my shoulders.
They looked at each other and laughed, passing it off as a coincidence. But the way they were gripping me was not a joke.
I struggled to beat down my irritation.
The only thing I ever heard about was Felix. Felix this, Felix that. It was so beyond annoying that I wanted to hit him.
And also the interviewer for asking about him. The subject of Felix was not okay.
"Everyone on Twitter was begging me to ask about him. He and Harry are like the next Larry Stylinson," she continued.
It was really not okay.
Two forbidden subjects in one sentence.
I couldn't even mask the dark glare that I sent her way. Zayn and Niall were gripping my shoulders so hard that it hurt, but I was thankful that they were.
"He's a great lad, really. Half the time I wonder if he hasn't done more for Harry than Harry's actual therapist," Niall said lightly.
"Oh, yes, he's really lovely," I said, not nothing to disguise the sarcasm dripping from my voice.
She didn't seem to notice.
"I talked to him for the first time a few days ago, actually," I added.
I froze when I realized my mistake.
"For the first time? Wouldn't you have seen him when you visited Harry?" she asked, looking confused.
My heart raced as I fought to come up for a lie.
"I guess that came out a bit wrong, didn't it?" I said quickly, my voice squeaking slightly, "I mean like, I've seen him and spoken to him before, but I've never like really talked to him, you know? Like, we say hello and goodbye and other things when we're with Harry, but I've never gotten the chance to have an actual, in-depth conversation. So a few days ago, he was in Doncaster and he stopped by and I got the chance to have a nice conversation with him for the first time."
It made sense in theory, but I knew that a lot of our fans would see right through the lie. Even the interviewer was staring at me skeptically.
"You do visit Harry, correct?" she asked.
I swallowed hard and fought to compose myself.
"Why wouldn't I?" I replied.
It wasn't a lie, which I was proud of. I hated lying to people. But I wasn't exactly saying that I had.
She left it alone though, and continued on with the interview.
I was still shaking when we stood up and walked off the stage. Liam put his arm around me carefully and I let it stay there.
"I just fucked everything up," I whispered.
"Lou, it's okay. Some people'll believe what you said and the ones who figure out the truth probably already had anyways," Zayn said gently.
"Maybe you should sit down, mate. You're white as a ghost," Niall suggested.
They herded me into the dressing room and sat me down in a chair.
"But I don't want people to know!" I wailed, "They'll figure out everything else!"
"Louis, it's okay. Just settle down," Liam said, "If they do, we'll ignore it, alright? Or if it becomes way to much, we can address it and if need be, we can lie."
I shook my head.
"This is all my fault. All of it," I said, covering my face with my hands.
They knew that I wasn't just talking about what had happened during the interview.
"Lou, you gotta quit blaming yourself. None of this is your fault," Niall insisted, "Remember that discussion we had on Liam's balcony?"
I shot him a look. I remembered it quite well, he had bloody kissed me!
"Unfortunately," I growled.
Slowly, the fear and panic was draining away into the chamber where I locked up my emotions inside of a steel safe.
"Take me home, Liam," I ordered, "I don't want to be here anymore."
They exchanged glances and sighed. I knew what they had been hoping for.
"I don't know why you lads are always so convinced that we'll have some impromptu therapy session and everything will magically become okay. I'm fine, I don't need any fucking therapy from a professional and I don't need any from you," I snapped.
"There comes a time, Louis, where sometimes other people know what's better for you more than you do," Zayn said quietly, "I'm tired of seeing you go down the same route of self-destruction that Harry did."
"I'm nothing like Harry!" I snarled, jumping up.
"You're exactly like him," Zayn countered, "Exactly."
"I'll be in the car," I barked to Liam before turning and attempting at a dramatic exit.
Zayn grabbed my wrist and yanked me back.
"No, you're going to talk to us now," he growled, "Or I swear to fucking God, Louis..."
"You'll what? You can't take anything away from me; you can't possibly do anything to punish me. I've lost everything already, Zayn," I said, ripping my wrist out of his grip.
He studied me carefully.
"You know that Harry'll have to live with one of us, Lou; we can't trust him to be by himself anymore. In all honesty, I think it should be you. I think it'll help you both. But Louis, you have to fix yourself first before that can happen. Harry needs somebody who, for lack of better words, is completely sane. And honestly Louis, I don't think that you are. So yeah, we can still take something away from you, and that's it," he said.
I recoiled slightly, but then I quickly recomposed myself.
"If you think I'm so fucking insane, why don't you just lock me in a bloody padded room?" I spat.
"Sometimes I wonder if we shouldn't," Zayn sighed, "But you don't need to be alone anymore than you already are. That's the last thing you need."
The other two silently watched our exchange. I had a feeling that Zayn was saying everything that they were thinking anyways.
"How would you know what I need? Unless you're suddenly psychic, you've got no idea what's in my head," I argued.
"That's exactly the problem. You've never been the most open person but this...this is the longest conversation I've had with you in months. And all it is is us going around in circles. I'm sick of it, Louis. I don't know if your therapist is helping at all but if he isn't, you need something more," Zayn said.
"I need Harry," I said quietly, my voice low and cautious.
"When he gets back, it's going to get a whole lot worse before it gets better, Louis. You need to be strong enough for both of you and you aren't even strong enough for yourself right now," he replied, his voice a fraction more gentle.
I gave him a look.
"I'm getting better," I said firmly.
"I don't know if I should believe you," he challenged.
"I haven't had anything to drink in weeks," I said, "And it sucks absolute arse but I haven't."
"Felix said that he had to drag you out of a freezing shower with your clothes on after he mentioned what happened before you and Eleanor broke up," he said.
I froze, immediatly feeling my skin crawl.
"That's different," I said faintly.
"It's something that you're not letting yourself heal from," Zayn pointed out.
"Because everything I think about it...oh god, I feel like I'm going to throw up," I said, rubbing clammy hands over my face.
"Louis, you were raped. You have to acknowledge it," he insisted.
All at once, the discussion became too much.
"Stop it, Zayn, seriously, please just stop! I've had enough, okay? I'm done, please just stop," I begged, backing away and looking around frantically for an exit.
"If it's not me that you talk about this with, talk to somebody, please, Louis," he urged.
"Okay; okay, I will, just stop now, please," I said, wrapping my arms tightly around me in a vain attempt to keep my emotions locked in.
"I should take him home," Liam said, finally speaking up.
Zayn grunted, his eyes still locked on me.
Niall was nervously gnawing on the skin of his pointer finger, a habit that I had to assume that he had picked up from Harry.
"C'mon Lou," Liam said tentatively.
I followed him out to his car wordlessly.
"Zayn was right, you know. About everything," he said, starting the car.
"I know," I said quietly.
He looked up at me.
"You don't have to say anything more than 'yes' or 'no', but have you ever thought about killing yourself?" Liam asked.
"You've asked me this before, I think," I replied, nimbly sidestepping the question.
Unfortunately, he picked up on it.
"Louis," he sighed.
"Fine, Liam," I snapped, "Other than the fleeting thought that everybody has sometimes, no, I haven't. I don't know why the hell you would think I would do that, especially after Harry."
"I never thought that he'd actually try to kill himself, Lou. I'm just worried, okay?" Liam said.
"If I would have, I would have done it a while ago. I'm not going without seeing Harry again," I said.
There was something darker, a menacing underlying tone that I knew that Liam heard. He frowned at me, but he didn't say anything else.


Harry's POV

"How the fuck do you work this?" Felix grunted, trying to find the video setting on my camera.
I laughed and took it from him, squinting to find the right button.
We were outside, walking around the grounds, and the sun made the screen hard to see.
"You're so stupid," I muttered, ducking when he swatted at me, "But seriously, where the fuck is the button?"
"See?" Felix howled, "Fucking hypocrite!"
I made as if to throw the camera at him and he flinched, raising his arms instinctively.
We went under a tree so that the sun didn't block the screen. I grunted in triumph when I found the correct button.
I hit it to record and turned the camera to face us.
"Hi!" Felix said before I could.
"H-"
"Harry says hi too," he interrupted.
I frowned at him and opened my mouth to speak.
"He's got a sore throat today," he continued.
"No I d-"
"It's very bad. He's not allowed to speak," Felix said, grinning at me.
"You're being-"
"Sh, Harry. Don't want your throat getting worse," he laughed.
"B-"
"Sh," he cooed, petting my hair.
"I-"
"Harry. No talking," he said sternly.
I forced my hand over his mouth, undoubtably shaking the camera as he struggled to get away.
"He's lying!" I cried, "He's being a prick."
Felix managed to stumble away, cackling wildly.
"You looked so pissed at me, mate," he snickered.
"You're a prick," I repeated, trying to be serious, but a smile found its way to my lips anyways.
"You wouldn't have me any other way," he insisted.
"No, I wouldn't," I sighed.
"Anyways. Now that we've got that cleared up, let's tell them what we'll be doing today," Felix said.
"So, I guess Felix managed to get into my Twitter, I'm not sure how, but he did. Anyways, he asked you guys to ask us questions, and I guess he brought a few of them for us to answer?" I prompted.
He tried to dramatically pull the paper out of his pocket, but he failed miserably, dropping it when he got it out.
"Smooth," I commented.
Felix rolled his eyes at me.
"You know that if you did it, you'd probably manage to light the paper on fire instead of just dropping it," he grunted as he bent down to pick it up.
"That is true. So. What do our lovely fans want to know?" I asked.
"Your lovely fans," he corrected.
"Felix, knowing them, you've probably got more than a few by now," I said.
"I've been meaning to tell you, I'm the next big thing," Felix said, "All the gossip magazines say so."
"Yeah? What's your talent?" I snorted.
"I'm like the Kardashians. I don't need a talent," he said.
"Unfortunately, you don't have a good enough bum," I replied, ducking when he swiped at me.
"We've gotten really off topic," he laughed.
"I'm saying that it was your fault," I said.
"As always. Is it ever your fault?" he groaned.
"Sometimes. Not with you, though," I said, grinning cheekily, "Actually, in all honesty, most things are usually my fault with us."
Felix patted my cheek.
"You've finally admitted it," he said, "Now that we've cleared that up, we really should answer these questions."
I nodded and leaned over to him to try and read what he had written down.
"Anyways, to start off, @xcheesyx wants to know how we're doing," he said, "Well, I'm good. A little bit stung that Harry said that I didn't have a good enough bum to make it as a Kardashian."
I rolled my eyes.
"It's true, though. I'm quite dandy today, as a matter of fact," I replied.
"Next question, from @SalLovesNiallForever, they want to know when you're getting out," Felix said.
"I'm fairly sure like three weeks maybe? It was originally supposed to be a bit longer, but I've been a good boy, so there's really no point in staying for very much longer," I said.
"Are you excited to join the real world again?" Felix asked.
"Yeah, of course. I can't wait, really. Obviously it's been really nice being here, though. I mean, I really wasn't in the best of ways when I came here, and I'm a bit frightened of leaving, but yeah, I think I'm ready," I said, "Like, it'll be great to see all of you guys again and go back to performing. Plus, I don't get to see a lot of people that I'm friends with because there's pretty strict regulations here. Like the other lads, the three of them can only visit like twice a week, when I'm used to being with them every day. I miss that."
Felix shot me a look, quick enough that most people wouldn't catch it.
"Um. Also from @SalLovesNiallForever, Harry?" Felix prompted.
He pointed at a question. At first, I figured that he wanted me to read it, but when I did, I realized that he had just wanted to make sure that I was okay with him asking it.
I gave him a tiny nod.
"'Does Felix ship Helix or Larry?'" I read, the question gritting out of my mouth like sand.
He threw his arm around my shoulders, squeezing lightly.
"Is that even a question?" he snorted, grinning at me.
Felix's eyes were gentle though, and calming.
"Of course I ship Helix! Why would I ship another ship more than I ship a ship with me in it?" he scoffed, "Plus, I'm madly in love with dear Harry, I've got to ship Helix all the way."
I laughed, but I knew that he was only telling the truth.
"On a similar note, @haroldsbuttons9 wants to know if we're in love," he continued, "I'm assuming that she's asking if we're in love with each other. The answer would be a bit different if it was just 'are we in love', wouldn't it?"
I hummed in response.
"You're quite lovely, Felix, but I don't think I'm in love with you. I love you mate, but not that way," I said, squinting up at him against the sun.
"I'm wounded, dear Harry! All those lies you've told me in the night after rounds of delicious love-making!" he squawked.
That set me off and before I knew it, I had dropped the camera because I had been laughing so hard.
When we recovered, I turned to him, amused.
"You do know that younger people watch these, right?" I asked.
"Put a parental guidance warning on it or something, then!" Felix said.
"I don't think you can do that with You Tube," I said.
"Whatever. Final question. @BekahHoran wants to know how you're coping without me by your side constantly," he said.
"I have a feeling that you were in a self-glorifying mood when you picked out these questions," I dead-panned.
He shrugged.
"Can't say that I wasn't," he said.
"Whatever. Um, well, I guess that it's just been really weird? I've sort of gotten used to it by now, but sometimes it gets depressing when I can't sneak into your bed so we can cuddle," I said.
"You know it's been absolutely terrible. You can say so," he said.
"You're terrible!" I shot back.
"Again, I can't argue with that," he said.
"I guess it's just been a lot lonelier. Like, I've got other friends, and you visit twice a week, but it's just not the same," I sighed theatrically, batting my eyelashes at him.
"But it's okay because we're moving in together into a cave in Germany when you're out," he said.
"Of course, darling. Well, we should go, I think. I've got to eat soon," I said.
"Delicious," Felix said.
"Bye!" I said, drawing it out until Felix chimed in.
"Beautiful harmony," he commented just before I stopped recording.
We started to walk back inside.
"You know, you slipped up a little," he said.
"What?" I asked, confused, "When?"
"When you were talking about the lads visiting you. You said the three of them," he said.
I looked at him, even more confused.
"Yeah?" I prompted.
"You forgot that you've got four bandmates, not three. Your fans'll catch that, you know. Especially since Louis messed up in an interview yesturday," he said.
"Shit, I didn't even notice," I cursed, "What'd he do?"
"He mentioned something about talking to me for the first time the other day, which is strange, because if he had been visiting you, he'd have talked to me before. He made up some excuse that was actually pretty impressive, but your fans definitely caught it."
"So they basically know," I muttered, "Have they figured the rest out?"
"Obviously some people have had the correct theory of what happened since the beginning and now a few more people are wondering. It's really not that big of a deal. Most of them are either confused about why you two wouldn't see each other or they actually believed Louis's bullshit," Felix answered.
I nodded.
"That's usually the way it is," I mused.
"You've just got to be careful," he warned, "Especially now that you've both slipped up."
"Yeah," I agreed.
The world really did not need to know the reason behind my scars.