Just Let Me Go [A Nosh Fanfiction]

***Prologue***

I watch as he struts away, going to get his hair done for the show. My eyes gradually scan his shoulders and back, exposed due to the tank top he has on, muscles contracting as he walks. Slowly my stare reaches his bum. I come to realisation and redirect my eyes elsewhere. What's going on with me? Lately, I can't think of anything or anyone, but him. I constantly picture his blond locks with dark-brown roots, making him look irresistible, those penetrating blue eyes that seem like fireflies in a jar; never focusing on one thing, always looking around to see what's going on and how could I forget about that smile. That ever changing smile that lights up a room, his contagious laughter is just a wonderful addition. As much as I try to rid him of my mind, I can't. I dream of this magnificent boy, this angel. I dream of running my hands through his thick locks, as we watch a film, cuddled on the couch. I wake up with a smile on my face, but soon become frustrated with the meaning of these enigmatic dreams. Of course, I have one thought in mind, but it can't be, I can't feel that way. It can't be that way, I can't have feelings for my best mate, besides I have a girlfriend. So in a sense, I can't be... If I have a girlfriend, I'm obviously not interested in him. I run my hands through my hair, exasperated, ruining it in the process.

How is it that I've just begun to feel this way? We've been the best of mates for three years, this one being our fourth. This band is the best thing that has happened to me. I can't fathom the thought of being away from these lads. They've become my family. However, my fair-haired boy is one who I don't dare be apart from for too long. Every time I see him, I feel my heart skip a beat. And as cheesy as it sounds, as cliché as it is, that is what I feel when he appears before me. Any unintentional touch sends my mind soaring, when our eyes meet I can't help but feel the urge to hold him. His voice is what paralyses me, every note he hits is pure serenity; leaving me in a trance. Its a priviledge to accompany him and the others on stage. I get to see him up close, watch him sing and dally around. It astounds me when he goes to pick up his guitar and jam along with us, the musicians. The concentration he has on his face as he strums the strings, is just so damn cute. The smiles he sends me as I play the drums, give me that lasting euphoria.

This is all I've been feeling lately and I'm sorry to say that I can't come to terms with it. For heavensake I'm twenty-one, if I was gay, I'm sure I would've realised long ago! Its just that he brings this out in me. His sole presence causes a rush of  want and need; a desire. I'm not sure if this desire is brought by love or lust, but I do know that I want him. My mind says that I'm going mental, however my heart says that only he can quench this need. Fuck, I really must not be in my right mind. Desire? Need? What am I thinking?

"Josh, are you alright?" I look up to find Paul, with a worried expression. I groom my hair up again, keeping in mind to ask Lou if she can fix it. I then realise that Paul is still awaiting my answer.

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine Paul." He eyes me quizzically, then nods. He's not really one to press on. I take a long breath, letting it out in hopes that I'll relax.

"Just let me know if you're not feelin' well." I look up again, nodding, with a small smile. With that he leaves, leaving me to wallow in denial and confusion. I get up from the stairs I'd been sitting on and head to my drum set. I sat there for a good five minutes, just messing with the base and snares. I then hear laughter, but to my dismay, not from the mouth I was hoping for. I turned to find Dan, Jon and Sandy, heading towards their instruments for soundcheck. After soundcheck I stayed at the drum set, while the rest went to do who knows what. Soon enough I felt an arm around my shoulder.

"Hey mate, everything alright? Paul told me you didn't seem well." I felt my cheeks flush,at the sudden contact, a smile creeping onto my face. I turn to be met with  two concerned eyes.

"Yeah, I'm alright!" I exclaim, happy that he's here with me.

"Ready for the show?!!"

"Yeah... I'm ready." And I'm scared.

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A/N: Okay here's the prologue to my FIRST boyxboy story. I hope you lovelies like it!! There will be fluff... but there will me smut, so be ready!! So if you would all be so kind as to comment and vote?? - Jen