Just the little things

Caught in between my feeling

I didn't talk to him. I suggested him to smell this cup that smelt really disgusting. My hands were shaking while telling him to smell it. Here comes the stupid nerves again. He declined my offer which made me even happy cause he actually said something to me. It's been long since we've talked, well it felt long to me. Not talking to him kills me, I'm just so nervous to even say anything.

Lunch bell rings, that very irritating sound. I always see him walking alone to the table. I just wanna run to him and talk to him, or even tackle him with a hug, but that's impossible. I stare at the way he walks, his hand now and then raise up to his hair, and he combs it slightly with his fingers, probably aware that I'm behind him. He walks weird unlike every guy, like he has his own bounce when he stomps, it's kind of weird..but cute. I smile at that thought. See what he does to me? I'm such a stalker.

I sit at the usual table me and my friends are at. I find him, and we exchange a few glances, gosh he makes me giddy inside. I then go up to the nearest corner to talk to my friend. She tell me another girl likes him. Jealousy flows through my body, but she has no chance, because this girl is like a giant compared to 'him'. I laugh imagining him with that girl, that'd me quite a couple. At least I'm shorter than 'him'. Then two people walk by me, I look at their backs, it was 'him' and another girl. I frown. I shouldn't worry but I am, because him and this girl talk, their friends. What would you think. I hate this. God I just don't wanna be here anymore. Anger and jealousy is what I'm feeling.

Today was not going to be a day.

I soon just calm myself by eating something small, I usually never eat lunch, I hate school food, but right now I wanna punch something.

They come back, how many minutes later. He was with his friends, I was with mine, I was sitting he was standing. I saw him look over at me, fuck you. I looked away, trying not too look mad, but I was, for no reason. I saw him glancing over here, even though it made me somewhat happy, I didn't care, so I turned around. Facing my back towards him. Anger and hurt was filling my veins. I can't right now. Ugh I hate feelings.

My friend calls me over, and tells me about what her ex boyfriend said about her. This makes me start to slightly scream. I shouldn't be this mad, but even though I was already angry, and I hear this which is false information makes me angrier. I start clapping and ranting about how her ex is being a little wimp and trying to make him look cool, I started shouting. I glanced over to where he was standing and he was just looking at me, staring maybe, very emotionless. Which makes me even more mad, because he has no right to be looking at me if he was just with a girl. Realizing what I was thinking and saying I then calm myself down, and me and friends just took selfies. He was still looking over in my direction.

I'm not going to be that kind of girl. I'm not the type to be clingy and jealous over little things, and I'm not going to start now. So I rant on here. I rant my feelings. I rant how I hate how this guy is affecting me. What the in world is this guy doing to me. I really don't approve of this. I hate it. I hate that I like him this much, and I just let myself like him.