The Life of Esther Jameson

Chapter Five

April 6, 2015

Things have been busier than usual. Joseph has not at all been himself, and I think there's something wrong at the station, but he doesn't mention it at all.

To make matters worse, I think the kids are facing some difficulty right now, too. They're finally realizing that Dad will never be their dad again, that they'd never see him without a barrier of glass separating them from him. He's been arrested for about a month now and it is finally settling in with them. I'm more than happy leaving him to rot in the jail cell, but the joyful memories when Mom was alive keep coming back. He used to be so caring and fun to be with, it pains me to actually write about this as well.

There is something seriously wrong with me.

Earlier than I would have liked, someone rapped on the wood door to the room that Jenny and I shared together. Fortunately, Jenny had gone down to play with Luke when the sun came up.

A muffled voice said something, but my head was buried in the flannel and pillows. I didn't want to get up, but the imposter came in anyways. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I didn't process what was happening before it did. The person flung off the warm blankets and rolled me over so I laid on my back.

"Hey!" I flung my hands up to hit my opponent.

"Gads, you have an arm," came the familiar voice I knew to be Jackson's.

"Jackson, you little - "

"I came to give you a wake up call, not the whole lecture that I'll hear at school," his face brimmed in a smile. "Give it a rest."

"I was resting," I sat up and swatted his arm.

Jackson laughed and helped me stand up. "My dad wanted you to start waking up at an earlier hour now that you're fully healed."

I was now aware of my hair that was currently in a rat's nest. "Whatever, don't you have something called school to get to?"

"Yeah, you're right," he flicked a strand of my hair. "See you on the other side."

The wake up call was the least of my worries. Turns out that Luke and Jenny got into a fight that I had to break up. There were tears and fits of rage, but in the end, I came up with two small children happily playing with one another. I, however, had to deal with the energy drain and the thoughts of how summer school was coming up fast. Spring break had just finished and I was getting a little nervous about going back to school.

"Are you going to eat?" Miriam asked me at lunch. So far, I hadn't touched any of the food except to dish out helpings for my siblings.

"I'm really not that hungry," I admitted. I couldn't stand the picture of putting food into my churning stomach with the result of me spilling my guts out onto the clean tile.

"The doctor said you should be eating fine by now," she looked at me. "If you'd like, I can make something else."

"No, no, it's fine," I said. "I - I think I'm just tired. I'm going to get some rest."

Miriam looked like she wanted to say something, but I was already halfway down the hall heading towards the guest bedroom that my siblings and I shared. Jenny and I slept in the same bed even though she shared a bunk bed with Luke and it didn't bother either of us, but the clothing situation was a bit tense. She would borrow a lot of what Miriam had bought especially for me, and I didn't mind, but Miriam would give a look every time Jenny wore something of mine.

I melted into the sheets and my brain refused to shut off. No matter what I tried, all of the worry and anxiety of going back to school was crushing down on my mind.