The Life of Esther Jameson

Chapter Twenty Four

Tuesday, July 18, 2018

Today is going to be an interesting day. I've always been a lazy person, but out of all the ways to spend my day, I had to spend it driving to the airport. To pick up Kade. Now I don't even trust that he's going to actually be there when I arrive, knowing how he's been acting lately.

After yesterday, I guess I feel better. Kind of. At least I know the truth and all the secrets have stopped. I hope they have. The whole truth is out now and I can't find any way where this will end without me crying. Maybe I should have listened to Joseph and I should have taken that self-defense class.

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Traffic. Of all the things to hold me back, it had to be commuters. Thanks, universe.

"If you keep bouncing your knee, it's going to fall off." Jackson's voice snapped me out of my misery. He meant it to be in a joking way, but neither of us were laughing.

"Sorry. It's just..." I mumbled and ran my hands over my face. I took in a deep breath and let out a frustrated yell. "How could I be so dumb? If only I knew three years ahead of time."

"It's not your fault." Jackson kept his eyes on the road. "There is nothing that you do that makes you unlovable."

"What makes you say that?" I peeked at him through my fingers. He only smiled and cast me a ghost of a sideways glance. His pupils are dilated.

Is that what he's saying?

Does he really?

I sat back up and found myself staring at his face...his million dollar face. The smile that could kill thousands. The blue eyes that pierced my soul to the point where I couldn't stop looking at them. "Do you love me?"

Nothing.

Silence.

My heartbeat was irregular.

So was his. It had to be if what he was implying was really true.

"Jackson?"

"Yes."

Then we stared at each other. We just sat there, in my car, on the bridge. If it wasn't for the traffic, we would have been responsible for a serious jam. My brain couldn't find words to speak, but my heart was speaking many things. It said that I needed to trust him, that I needed to stop running away from what was actually good for me. 

My heart told me that I needed to stop running away from him, that I needed to love him back. Because I did. I really, truly did. He deserved it, after all this time. After I pushed him away, after I called him a liar and told him to stay out of my life.

But Jackson is a stubborn man. He always has been, and he always will be. Luckily for him, he was stubborn enough not to let me slip away. The one thing that he wasn't willing to let go of, was me.

He loved me. He still does. He loves me now. And I love him too. So much. And it took a beaten heart to make me realize the truth.

"I love you too." I said in reply, and it felt like a weight had been lifted on my chest, but there was one that had yet to been removed. But right now, it felt right to have him next to me, it felt right to know that we're finally on the same page. About everything, about life, about Logan. About us.

"Can I hold your hand?" If I didn't know any better, he sounded like an embarrassed school boy in middle school talking to his crush for the first time in his life. But I loved it. Him. He's perfect.

Before, I thought that mine and Logan's hands were fashioned for each other, like a set of puzzle pieces. It definitely seemed that way, and it surely felt like it was meant to be. But now, I realized that this is what it felt like to have that puzzle to be finally completed. Kade's hands were like an envelope for my own; warm, protecting, inviting, and dare I say, enveloping.