Tied (BS#3)

W.F.

NAGISING si West mula sa maikling pagkakaidlip. He's been like this for the past few years. Nahihirapan siyang makatulog sa gabi. Kung makatulog naman siya'y, halos ayaw na niyang gumising kinaumagahan. His body felt like missing something so bad. His own body was rejecting sleep and when it has finally decided to accept, it won't as if let it go.

Ipinatong niya ang kanyang braso sa kanyang noo at pinilit uling makatulog. Ilang minuto na ang lumipas ay gising pa rin ang diwa niya. He felt cold. Extremely cold. A different kind of cold. Iyong tipong nanunuot sa bawat hibla ng katawan niya. Even the bedsheets or a warm shower couldn't bring the same warmth that can make him feel alive, again.

He felt tired. Too tired to even breathe. To even wake up. To even live without her. Kung anong takot niyang mawala ito sa kanya, domuble pa ngayon. Only this time, it was final. He lost her again. He lost her again like he always does. She always seems to slip away everytime he tries to tie her down.

And finally today, she made it all clear. There was nothing left to fight. No one to wait. No words to listen. Today, she finally made it clear where he should stand in her world. It's heartbreaking to know that he has to take an ocean away from her when letting her hand go was even harder than clinging to life. 

An ocean away. That is where he should stand. That's where he should belong. Out of her life. Out of her sight. Out of her touch. Today, he finally lost the love of his life, for good.

Sa lahat ng gawin niya, palagi siyang nanalo, pero pagdating kay Dianne, even the least thing he would do, fails disturbingly. He failed to kept his heart intact. He failed not to fall for her. He failed not to make her cry. He failed to keep her by his side. Sa dami ng failures niya, ninety percent non ay may kinalaman kay Dianne. He always seem to lost himself, whenever she's around.

Iminulat niya ang mga mata upang tingnan kung anong oras na. It was already two in the morning. Hindi na naman siya makakatulog nito. Tutunga na naman siya doon hanggang sumikat ang araw habang paulit-ulit na inaalala ang mukha ni Dianne.

Her gleaming eyes that always make him feel adored. Her playful smiles that never missed to make him hitched his breathing. Her sweet kisses that can always make him plead for more. Her warm small hands, he wouldn't mind holding for an eternity. Her hearty laugh, her teasing voice, her ridiculous plans, her deep ideas, her name... everything about her that he can't afford to miss.

He breathed out. "Damn, I still miss you so bad." He hissed. Kahit siguro ipagsigawan niya iyon, wala na rin itong pakialam. She would just look at him and raised a brow before she'll walk out of his sight. 

He broke her heart. It's only fair that she crushed his too. Wala na rin naman siyang magagawa. She's been tearing it piece by piece until to the last drop of his blood, the moment she turned her back on him.

At hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin siya makapaniwalang gigising na naman siya nang wala ito sa buhay niya. Gigising na naman siya nang malayo ito sa kanya. Gigising na naman siya nang walang pag-asa. Higit sa lahat, dadaan ang araw at matutulog na naman siya ulit nang hindi man lang nasisilayan ang dalaga.

Sinulyapan niya ang maleta sa gilid. Nakaayos na ang kanyang mga damit. Handa na ang lahat para sa kanyang pag-alis. Tuluyan na siyang bumangon. Dumiretso siya sa kusina upang kumuha ng maiinom. Imbes na tubig ang kunin niya, beer ang inabot niya sa refrigerator.