Insecure & Ebony

Heartbeat

I swear, I swear, I swear I tried. You took the life right out of me. I'm so unlucky I can't breath.
***

A N G E L

I pulled up to my house seeing Chaniyah and Cynthia outside on their porch.

"Can you put my pills in my drawer please...under everything." I said to Lani as we got out the car and she nodded going into the house as I walked over to Cynthia.

"Hey boo why the long face?" She said moving her magazines out of the chair so I could sit.

"Angel!" Chaniyah yelled from her little Dora table set as she ate her lunch.

"Finish eating Chaniyah." Cynthia said sternly and she pouted before turning around to eat.

"So what's up?"

"I just don't know how to feel right now..." Cynthia looked confused.

"What do you mean."

"I'm pregnant." I whispered avoiding her look.

"My god." She said clutching her chest.

"Did you tell Khyran." I shook my head looking down.

"Tell him...the longer you hold it in-"

"It's not his Cynthia we've never had sex so it isn't his." I said looking at her and she scrunched up her face.

"Well who's is it?" I didn't say anything.

"Jordan?" She said looking at me with sympathy and I nodded wanting to cry all over again.

"The last time I had sex with him I didn't even want it and I didn't tell anyone but Lani so it wouldn't matter now. No one would believe me."

"I believe you sweetheart. But you need to tell somebody. That's too much weight for a young girl to hold...you gonna keep it?"

"I don't know." I said lowly and she sighed.

"I can't tell you what to do Angel but I do think that you have a lot going for yourself and a child puts a stop to things. They are blessings but it's a time for those blessings." She stood up.

"I love you Angel you're a smart girl. I know you'll figure it out." I nodded and she kissed my forehead turning towards Chaniyah.

"Come in the house Chaniyah."

"Wait mommy I want to play outside." She whined handing her mother her plate and standing up.

"If Angel wants to watch you then okay but it's getting hot out here." Chaniyah ran to me with a puppy dog face and I chuckled.

"Can you watch me Ang pleaseeee?" She begged and I nodded letting her have her way.

"Yay!" She cheered running down the steps and grabbing her bike.

"Ride it from my mailbox to yours and don't go into the street." She nodded and got onto the bike beginning to ride the short distance to my mailbox and then back to hers.

I began to think about what I was going to do with my baby. If I were to keep it then this would be me in a few years. But how could I keep it. I wouldn't be able to provide for him or her the way I wanted to and I couldn't let my child have a father like Jordan.

I was deep in my thoughts when a black jeep pulled up infront of my house. I sighed knowing it was Khyran and that he probably wanted to know why I had been avoiding his calls all day. I walked down the steps and up to his car as him and Anthony got out.

"Wassup?" Khyran said walking up to me with a blank expression. He kissed me cheek instead of my lips so I knew he was upset. I looked back at Chaniyah who was still riding her bike from one house to the next.