Octavia (Completed - 2018 Watty's Longlist)

Chapter Seventeen - Octavia

I have lived for two-hundred years. And in those two-hundred years I have never come across such a scent like Edmund's. It entirely kills me every moment I am with him and yet I cannot bare to be without him. In those two-hundred years I have never felt such intense feelings and attraction towards someone. I am not scared because I know what it means. I am scared because I know I won't fight it nor stay away from Edmund. Every moment I am with him, he lights my throat on fire. Every moment I am so close to wanting him, I have to turn away. Just the wrong direction of the wind or the way he is even talking to me. The urge to do so is crushing me into a million pieces every second I spend with him.
I was caught off guard when Edmund asked me to go to the beach with him and his friends. I wasn't quite sure if he was joking or not. Now I know that he wouldn't do that to me, especially when he knows that they hate me and I am fully aware of that. It's just, I never thought that he would ever ask me to go anywhere with him. I was also caught off guard because I have never been asked to go anywhere with someone, especially a boy since the early eighteen-hundreds when Rose was alive and I was still a human. So, you can only imagine the memories that flooded through my mind in that moment before I answered him.

I felt very uneasy when Edmund picked me up at my house due to the fact that I live in a four-hundred year old house which used to belong to Maxwell's family back in the sixteen- hundreds. I knew he would be asking a few questions about it for sure. I mean, who wouldn't? It is a massive, four-century old mansion that a seventeen-year old lives in with her family. If only he knew what kind of family we were. Well, that's just the thing, isn't it? He already knows. Correction, he knows what I am. But he doesn't know that my family are also vampires - though I'm sure he's already finished that puzzle. Just knowing that he knows makes me incredibly anxious. And yet, I still can't get angry at him. I mean, why would I anyway? It's my fault that he found out - which I still can't figure out how he found out. I know that I may have let some things slip here and there, but it's really hard to not be myself when Edmund makes me want to be myself.
I sighed.

The sky is waking up in beautiful rose and amber colours. Another start to another day. A day that I am to admit my vampirism to Edmund. To say that I was a bit nervous about it all would be an understatement. I've never told a soul about my vampirism and I'm worried that I may scare him. Though if I do scare him, then maybe he will run away and never come back and he'll be safe from any danger. But that other, selfish part of me doesn't want him to get scared, nor run away screaming like a lunatic. I want him to stay. I want to keep him safe from any danger that is out there myself. My heart aches when I am not with him, and thrives when I am. My mind is always thinking of him and all I want to do is be with him. At night, when it's quiet and the world is sleeping, I am wide awake. And no matter how many times I tell myself to not visit him, my body moves without thinking.

"Octavia." Maxwell calls from his study. I stop immediately in my tracks, not realising that I had been pacing up and down my bedroom all this time. I quickly make my way over to Maxwell's study. His dark wooden double door stands tall before me as I knock twice, creating two dull thuds.
"Come in." Maxwell calls from behind the door. I gently push the heavy door open, it creaks due to it being four centuries old. Maxwell's floor to ceiling bookcases cover all three walls apart from the North wall which is entirely made of glass, showing off one of the best views of the forest in the house. The light coming from the early rising sun gives off the smallest amount of light, creating a shadow to form over the dark room.
"You wanted to see me, Maxwell?" I ask, walking closer to him.
"Yes." He smiles, placing down one of the books he was reading intently. "You see, ever since you came home last night you've been pacing up and down that room of yours. May I ask why? It's making it incredibly hard for me to concentrate on my work."
"Oh." I bite my lip in embarrassment. Crap, he noticed." I've been pacing this whole time?" I ask, faking innocent surprise. Although, I was curious about how long I had been pacing my room. I was doing it unconsciously. Maxwell nods his head.
"You seemed very anxious about something. Would you like to talk about it?"
I take a seat beside him and scrounge my mind for something to say that wouldn't sound mental, something that could explain everything that is happening with Edmund and I without making me seem crazy.
"Do you remember me mentioning a certain boy in my class?" I ask, anxiously observing his expressions. I try to sense any emotions, but over time Maxwell has perfected hiding his emotions from me. It's irritating.
Maxwell smiles, delighted. "Of course."
"Right." I pause. "Well, we have become quite good friends." My face contorts in dislike at the sound of the small word that describes our relationship. It doesn't sound right when I actually speak it out loud. It's too small. "Lately, he's been getting himself into many dangerous situations. It's beginning to be impossible for me to protect him. And now I fear that my protection will no longer endorse him."
"He knows, doesn't he?" Maxwell says quietly.
I sigh, defeated that he caught on so quickly but also relieved that it's off my chest. "Yes, he does." Maxwell sits in silence, his long, pale fingers tapping against the black leather chair.
"What if he runs away? What if he becomes scared of me?" I ask, suddenly worried.
Maxwell sighs and wraps his large hands around mine, squeezing them once in comfort. "Humans are very hard to predict. Even being one ourselves, humans have evolved over the years. They hide their emotions by a well sculptured mask." He says. "But Octavia, if he were scared, if he wanted to run away, I'm sure he would have already. My guess is that he just wants an explanation."
"And after that? After I explain myself, then what happens? What if he realises that I'm a total freak and leaves me? What if he freaks out and tells everyone what I am? What we are? What -" Maxwell cuts me off.
"Octavia. What you need to understand is that this boy is human. He chooses how he wants this to turn out. Whatever his reaction is will determine the future you have with him. Even if he does leave you, you have to accept his choice." Maxwell calmly advises. "But. . . He is your true love. Fate will determine your future." I care about Edmund more than I thought I could ever care for a human. I love Edmund more than I thought I could love anyone. I know that whatever decision he chooses to make I have to accept. So, because I love him, if he chooses to leave me than I will accept his decision. Though that selfish part of me is praying, wishing that he won't leave, for I don't think I would be able to bare the pain. I've already felt glimpses of it - the aching pain in the hollow part of my chest. I don't want to know what it will feel like if I lost him.