Octavia (Completed - 2018 Watty's Longlist)

Chapter Twenty Five - Edmund

The moment we turned down that street everything happened so fast, so fast that it took my brain a while to realise what had happened. I remember asking myself as I sat there in the darkness waiting for my heavy eyes to open: 'how did everything go so wrong?'. And I remained like that for a while until the pain of all the shattered glass fragments that scattered all across my body finally kicked in. I could hear the soul crushing sound of broken glass crumbling underneath people's feet who rushed towards me and the sound of people dialling 911.

My eyes flew open in that moment. In shock and anxiousness I looked to my Mom and my heart dropped straight down to my core. Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face and I was screaming for my Mom to wake up. But she didn't. And she never did. She sat there, covered in blood and shattered glass, completely crumpled by the impact of the other car that had hit her, and no matter how much my brain was telling me to stop and to let her go - I couldn't do it. I didn't want to leave her. I didn't want to leave her because if I leave her then she's gone, and I wasn't ready to say goodbye to my Mom.

A loud, obnoxious sound wakes me up and I jump, hitting my head against my bed head. I wince out in pain and that's when two strong icy cold hands wrap around mine. I knew immediately who it was. Even in the darkness of the early morning - I knew. I could tell just by how her hands alone fit perfectly in mine. How the scent of her skin, sweet and familiar, surrounded me. How even in the darkness of my closed curtains I could feel her anxious eyes boring into mine.

"Edmund, are you okay?" Her perfect voice anxiously asks me. And just like all the other nightmares I've had, I give her my best well rehearsed innocent smile and tell her that I am even though I'm not. And just like every other nightmare since Octavia told me we were true loves she looks at me with her worried hazel eyes, gives me a small smile and lies back down beside me, ignoring the fact that we have school today.
I don't know if she sees past my pretence or not. A part of me wished that she didn't therefore she wouldn't look at me with that same sympathetic look in her eyes anymore. Or act like she was walking on egg shells around me. Though, a part of me wished that she did so I wouldn't have to tell her how broken I really am. I want to tell her how I feel, but I fear that if I did she would blame and tear herself up about it and I don't want her to do that to herself. I would rather be in pain myself than let her to that to herself.
It took me a few days to be able pull myself together and to somehow show Octavia that I was "okay". Even though I felt incredibly guilty for forgetting my mother, I had to push it all aside and to act like my normal self if I wanted to get through a school day without anyone asking me if I was okay. And I especially needed to do so if I wanted Octavia to be free of a guilty conscience.

Of course I never really forgot my Mom, I mean how could I? She's my Mom. But I definitely know that she has never crossed my mind not even once these last couple of months. How could she have? Octavia has been the only thing on my mind. What, with the knowledge about my undying love for her and my anxiousness about our unknown future with each other? Yeah, you could say my mind has been a little busy lately. I also guess a part of me didn't want to be reminded of the pain that had nearly broken me last Summer. Then again, that might just be my excuse to make myself feel better. But I can't keep on making excuses anymore. There isn't an excuse for forgetting your Mom.

It didn't take me long to get ready for school this morning. I just threw on the first thing I saw and chugged down a glass of milk. The entire fifteen minutes it took me to get ready I was well aware of the anxious eyes that followed my every move. I tried my best to ignore Octavia, and I was successful until we eventually pulled into the school parking lot. The moment I was out of the car Octavia was already around my side. I was just about to question her when she reached her hand up and traced the deep circles under my eyes.
I silently cursed myself that I had let myself get like this. That Octavia was seeing me like this. As sleep deprived as I've been, I've been looking pretty good considering I probably get a few hours a sleep a night. I usually just lie there and try to make out Octavia's silhouette in the darkness until my alarm goes off. Actually, this morning is the first morning I've slept till my alarm in a long time. But I would never tell Octavia that.