Frank never thought he would ever know what it felt like to walk through the halls of school after a friend's death- like in the movies. But now that he did, he wished he hadn't come at all- which was his original plan. Those cliche movies when something horrible(or something really awesome that everyone just stares at the main character) happens and the halls quickly silence as you walk down them; everyone stops and stare, whispers, points, gives you those sympathy looks...
They're real.
Frank wanted to run into the restroom and hide the rest of the day. Everyone was looking at him. He felt so vulnerable. So helpless. His stomach churned and he immediately felt sick and nauseous as he trudged down the hall to his locker.
Mikey and Ray were already there, and Frank realized with a sudden jolt of shock that he hasn't spoken to them about...what happened over the weekend. He wondered how horrible they felt. There was no need to be optimistic. Right now, they were grieving, and Frank finds it hard to try and look for a silver lining in suicide.
"Hey." His voice was a whisper and it cracked, so it went up an octave. He didn't raise his head up to meet their eyes. Frank looked a mess as well and didn't want them to comment. His shaggy hair had been combed by his fingers. His eyes held faint purple circles underneath them and were bloodshot. His breathing was slow like he was asleep, almost as if he didn't care if he stopped breathing altogether. He'd brushed his teeth- but only for about 30 seconds before he gave up and dropped his toothbrush on the floor.
"Hey, Frank."
For the first time, Frank couldn't distinguish which one had spoken. The voice was low and showed no emotion-almost as monotone as Mikey's- so he was confused. But, he didn't say anything. He just really regretted coming to school today. He could have stayed home. His mom would have allowed it. Maybe this was still him in denial. A part of him wanted to come to school and head to the cafeteria to the front table where no one sat to find Risina laughing, Mikey smiling and Ray telling some odd story. He'd wanted to to show up and be relieved that this was all a dream-that he hadn't come home Friday just to hear his Mother tell him his bestfriend killed herself.
No, Frank thought, not bestfriend- Friend. A bestfriend wouldn't have allowed this to happen. A best friend would have been there for her.
During lunch, the three friends left the loud and rowdy cafeteria to the confined silence of the gym. They all sat on the bleachers, ignoring each others growls from their stomachs. They didn't say anything to each other all day, and although it was weird, they felt it was appropriate.
Frank decide to break the silence with a question on a matter he still hadn't resolved.
"Nicole gave me Risina's diary."
The two other boys looked at him with a soft and gentle gaze, intently listening to his every word.
"I haven't even opened it yet. She said that Risina only wanted me to read it but...I'm scared." He confessed, staring at his dirty black and white chucks.
"Then...don't read it until you aren't." Mikey quietly suggested, shrugging.
"I think that if Risina only wanted you to read it, you should read it. But like Mikey also said, don't do it until you're ready. It's only been a few days..."
That was the following Monday after that tragic Friday. That was over two weeks ago, the Monday coming up marking three. It was Friday, and Frank couldn't help but compare every Friday to that Friday. It was just there. It'd just pop up even when it was nowhere close to what he had been thinking.
His Mom was working overtime today and still wasn't home. Frank had the house all to himself. He'd like to think that he was strong enough now to read at least Risina's first entry. He still couldn't make himself believe she was dead, so he chose not too. She was just on an extended vacation somewhere nice- Paris. She'd always wanted to go to Paris.
Frank reached underneath his pillow, the softness of the sheets fluttering against his fingertips before they came in contact with the book. He pulled it out and set it in his lap, sitting crossed legged. He hadn't sat crossed legged on his bed in months, and it always made him feel like a 7 year old. His blood pumped through his veins ice cold and he could hear his heart thump in his ears. It was so loud to Frank squeezed his eyes shut and held his breath until he could feel and hear his heartbeat decline slowly and steadily. He let out his breath and felt himself loosen up.
He could do this. He could read it.
Cautiously, as if the diary would burst into flames, Frank pulled aside the cover.
This belongs to:
Risina Krane <3 Paid for with my own money on December 25, 2012 (Yeah that's right. My OWN money)
A semi grin found its way to Frank's lips as he turned the page.
December 25, 2012
Dear diary,
Hello!!!!!!! My name is Risina Krane and I'm 15 years old (duh I'm basically talking to myself). Oh wow. I remember when I was 13, I tried doing one of these...didn't work out so well. I first wrote like every day and then that one day I didn't write turned into like...3 months lol. But I PROMISE I'm going to try and write in this very often :)
Anyways, do I introduce myself to my future self or...idk forget it. I think that's what my problem was (it still is honestly) - I hate to write. Ugh. It's so fucking time consuming like seriously (woah if my mom read that I'd get into loads of trouble hehehe >:)
Today was CHRISTMAS WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
I got so many awesome things I wanted to die.
I got a FREAKING GUITAR YEAH YES YES and mesh gloves! They're neon pink and yellow and go all the way up to my elbow HAHAHA. And the guitar came with an amp OH MY GOSH IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!! *cries*
I also got a tablet (fuck yes) and a scrapbook maker (*cries some more*) and bath and body stuff (I smell like apples right now). Also, a few music posters to hang up and a Treble Clef shaped Clock IT'S SO PRETTY AND IT'S TICKING AWAY TICK TICK TICK
I'm so happy!
Ryan got what boys always get for Christmas (seriously when you go Christmas shopping for boys there's no freaking variety like come on). He now has over 20 wrestling men, 2 cages, men bathing stuff, an iPod and his fifth bike.
I would write what Mom and dad got each other but that's too much writing and my hand already hurts. Ughhhhhhhh freak why did I start a diary? Idk idk idk...
Anyways, I shall be back soon.
BYE DIARY
-Sin
Frank decided that was enough for that evening. He would leave off on a happy note with Risina. He didn't want to read ahead and destroy his feeling of gratefulness towards this little book. He was grateful that he had Risina back- a part of her- but he was still grateful nonetheless. This sounds like the Risina he always knew, and now he knows that that was just a façade. The real Risina was broken. Little did December 2012 Risina know, 4 months later she wouldn't be here anymore.
Frank slid the journal back under his pillow and decided to get ready for bed. He could eat and take a shower in the morning. Besides, nothing was awaiting him anymore. Life had nothing that held value or interest to him. When Risina left, so did his spirit. But he was still living for her, because he knew that Risina would never forgive him for leaving Earth- she always told him that. And he can't leave without knowing why she left herself.
Frank Iero needs to figure out the reason behind his friend's suicide.
YOU ARE READING
She Left Because... (Frank Iero)
Fanfiction*+*+Warning: Contains triggering, abuse, strong language*+*+ Risina Krane has had enough of everything. Enough of school, her unattentive parents and her abusive boyfriend. One morning, she takes her life and her bestfriend- Frank Ie...
