Take me back

8.

He blushes and hides his head in his hands.

"I know i'm not supposed to." he mumbles "But I can't just go back to being friends. You hurt me but i still love you. My heart still flutters everytime i see or speak to you."

I can't think of anything to say. I thought I had broken his heart, I thought he didn't want me back. It had even crossed my mind that he maybe hated me. But no.

"Phil, say something." He lifts his head up to look at me "Phil please, I can't bear this! What's your reaction? Are you happy or angry or-" he rambles on

I stop him mid way through his sentence "Look, I don't have the energy now. I don't want to argue or fight and I don't want to make rash decisions."

He looks at me, a sad desperate look in his eyes.
"Okay." he whispers "I don't want to hurt you, please know that, this isn't some sick game I'm playing."

I nod "Yeah. I know you wouldn't do that."

We both stand in silence, not meeting each other's gaze. (GAYze)

"I better go to bed. It's my turn to wake up with the kids tomorrow." Dan says suddenly "I'm sorry Phil, I really am."

I crack a smile even though that's the last thing I want to do "Don't apologise. You can't just push your feelings away. Goodnight Dan, I'll come to bed in a few minutes."

"Goodnight." He smiles weakly, his voice raspy and hoarse, like he might cry.

I hated to leave him but I was afraid that if I saw him cry, then I might too.

I run my hands through my hair and stare at the floor.

What could I do?

I wish I never left in the first place. I didn't realise my own feelings and now I've created a situation that I need to get myself out of.

***
I don't go to bed that night. Instead, I sit on the stairs, my head in my hands, too scared to think about anything else. What would this mean? How can I react?

Do I chase this man and ask him to take me back or am I forcing false feelings for my ex, just out of sympathy?

I was so confused. I don't know my own feelings. This was all so rash, so sudden and I needed a second opinion.

I pick up my phone and walk to the kitchen. I find the contact and press dial.

"Hey, it's Phil. I didn't know who to call. I'm really sorry."

A voice chuckles down the end of the line "Well if it isn't the famed Phil Lester. How ya doing?"

"Kiko? i'm sorry, this has to be quick, Dan and the kids are in bed and I don't want to wake them up but I needed an opinion."

I hadn't seen Kiko since Dan's recovery, but I had been in contact with her on Twitter and Facebook.

"Oh okay, fire away?" She tells me

"Well, Dan's admitted he still likes me and I don't know if I should get back with him or not I-"

She cuts me off "Phil. Get some rest. You're overthinking this. Don't ask me, decide yourself, only you can know how you feel. I'm sorry Phil, but I can't help you here."

I sigh. I know she's right but I want help and guidance.

"Yeah. Thank you Kiko, I'll get into contact soon. Miss you,"

"I'm sorry, miss you too Philly boy. Bye bye"

And I climb into bed next to Dan and lay there until the break of day.

A/N
I HAVE A NEW COVER! YEET! DONT FORGET TO VOTE AND COMMENT! ILY