wonderland // tyler joseph + twenty one pilots

the pantaloon

The end can't come soon enough. But is it too soon?

May 2nd, 2013

--Tyler's P.O.V--

I was glad that I had somebody in my life like Kiva. She was very interesting and kind, but that was a part of the reason why I was afraid to speak my mind around her. I was afraid that I was going to scare her off.

When she would come over to my house to tutor me, I could tell that she wanted to ask me questions about my life. I wasn't afraid to answer them if she asked, but she never did and I guess that was for the best. That way she would still think that I was normal.

However, I could tell that she as well was far from normal or at least her home life was. I honestly lost count on many times I asked if we could have my tutoring sessions at her house and she always avoided the question by changing the topic. Also, I noticed that her brother never went directly home from school either when Kiva hung out with me. He always went to his friend's house and Kiva picked him up whenever our session was done.

That seemed very strange to me, but I was afraid to ask. Some subjects were just to touchy for people to handle and I didn't want to risk her getting angry at me. I wouldn't be able to handle it.

"Hey, Tyler?" I was jolted out of my thoughts to see Josh studying my features as we sat down in my basement. "Come back to Earth. You zoned out for a little bit."

I shrugged. "Sorry, I was thinking about Kiva."

Ever since Kiva introduced me to Josh a month or so, we've became good friends; maybe even best friends. We were close enough that I was comfortable around him and I was willing to talk about anything, except my problems. We mostly talked about Kiva or music.

"Well, we are still trying to come up with a band name," Josh remarked. "Kiva's due to get here in about an hour."

A few weeks back Josh and I started thinking about creating a band together. He was an awesome drummer that needed a band and I was a songwriter that desperately needed someone to listen. We were perfect for one another.

Josh and I had already played a few songs that I wrote together and we sounded better than I expected. We just needed a band name and I looked down at the notebook in my lap, releasing a heavy sigh from my lungs. I had the perfect name written down, but I was afraid that Josh wasn't going to like it very much.

My head darted up as Josh sat his notebook off to the side before turning towards me again. "Are you worried about playing for Kiva? Is that what's wrong? If so, whether we do good or bad, Kiva will still love it anyway. That's how she is."

I shook my head. "I am worried about playing for her, but that's not the main reason why I'm distracted. I just can't help but think about her and about how little I really know about her. How can I have a crush on her when I technically barely know anything about her or her family life? For crying out loud, I haven't even officially met her brother!"

I started to become agitated and started messing with the sleeves of the plain white hoodie I was wearing. Since this was the first time Kiva was going to see this side of me, I wanted her to see a completely different side. She was so used to me wearing the skeleton hoodie, I had to find something else.

Josh sighed. "Tyler, do me a favor and quit worrying first of all. Second, if you are really that bothered by the fact that you don't know Kiva that well, start asking questions. Ask her what her favorite color is and stuff."

I ran my hands through my hair. "I'm not good with randomly just asking questions out of nowhere."

"Okay," Josh said, slowly. "I'll help you tonight. When she comes over, I'll just start asking harmless questions and we'll see how well she takes everything, alright?"