wonderland // tyler joseph + twenty one pilots

isle of flightless birds

We can take apart our very heart and the light will set us free.

August 29th, 2015

--Kiva's P.O.V--

You never know what you have until it's gone.

That's a saying that I heard practically all my life. Almost everybody in this world took everything they had for granted. Somebody who had both parents in their life hated them because they wouldn't say yes to everything. While I, on the other hand, would have done anything to have strict parents as long as they loved me.

That saying was something that I never really thought about frequently, but in the last four days, that was all I could possibly think about.

Tyler and I fought with each other constantly; to the point where I was kind of glad when he went on tour. However, I still loved him and I still needed him by my side every day. Without him, I felt lost. I didn't even have the energy to feed Adam.

"You have to eat something, sweetheart," Kelly insisted, pushing a yogurt cup in front of me as we sat in the hospital cafeteria. "You are not helping anybody by starving yourself."

I shook my head, not even turning to look at her. "I'm not hungry."

"Bullcrap, Kiva," was Josh's response. "You haven't eaten anything since you found out about the bus crash. You can't just starve yourself as you wait for him to wake up. When he wakes up, he's going to need you more than anything and you won't have the energy to help him."

I knew Josh was right, but I couldn't get myself to touch the yogurt in front of me. I just couldn't.

Kelly cleared her throat. "I'm going to go check on Zack and see if he is keeping Adam under control." She pushed her chair back and quickly exited the cafeteria.

Josh ambushed me the moment she was out of earshot. "I know Kelly doesn't want to add any more stress on top of what you are already experiencing, but you need to have more sense knocked into you, Kiva. I know you are worried about Tyler, trust me, I am too, but I don't have a baby that I need to take care of. Besides, I know that starving myself won't help anything either."

I clenched my fists together on top of the table, trying to keep my composure. Crying wasn't going to help my situation. "Josh, what if he dies? What am I going to do then? I can't live without him. He's the love of my life."

Josh sighed. "You have to quit thinking about him not waking up! He's going to wake up and everything's going to be fine. Believe me, I was in that bus crash too, but somehow, I managed to only get a few bumps and bruises. But you know without a fact that I would switch places with him."

Before Josh could say anything else, I pushed my chair back, standing up. "I'm going to back to his room. I want to be by his side the moment he wakes up."

I spun on my heels and started towards the exit, leaving my untouched yogurt behind.

•••

The moment I entered his hospital room, I broke down sobbing. He looked so helpless and I hated not being able to do anything about it. Tyler was my husband and he may very well never wake up.

I slowly lowered myself down into the chair next to his bed, grabbing a hold of his hand. I took a deep breath, trying to stop the flow of tears cascading down my face.

"A part of me keeps blaming myself, Tyler, but why? It wasn't like I caused the bus crash. I didn't put you in a coma, yet I still feel guilty beyond belief and I don't know what to do to help you." I sniffled, wiping my face with the back of my free hand.

"I can't even find the energy to feed our son. I don't know what's going to happen to me if you don't wake up, TJ. I don't want our last words to each other to be words of hate. I love you more than you ever could imagine and I know I've been very hard to deal with lately, but I am so so sorry."

"And if you do wake up, I promise that I'll be better. I'll be more understanding. I'll make sure that everything will go back to normal between us. We can raise our son in a peaceful home and everything will be okay. All you have to do is wake up for me. Please just wake up. You can't leave this world just yet."

•••

The next day Tyler Robert Joseph woke up after five days of being unconscious. At first, I wasn't allowed to see him because the doctors had to run some tests to make sure that he didn't have any extensive brain damage. Luckily, he was perfectly fine aside from a huge knot on his head and a few bruises.

About an hour after he woke up, he was insisting that he was perfectly fine and that he wanted to go home. The doctor granted his wish but made me promise to bring him in for regular checkups for the next few weeks even if he protested.

I was extremely happy that Tyler was deemed okay, but I could feel the tension between us as we said goodbye to Tyler's family and Josh and headed towards our own car. We had barely spoken a word to one another once he woke up.

Tyler climbed in the passenger seat while I opened the backseat door, carefully positioning a sleepy Adam into his car seat. I clicked his buckle shut before pulling my body out of the car and softly shutting the door.

Tyler didn't even turn his head as I opened the driver's door.

That's when I knew I had to get over my pride and be the first one to speak.

"I love you so much," I whispered as I sat down. "And I am so sorry that I almost drove you away."

Tyler quickly shook his head, reaching over the console to grab my hand. "No, no, don't ever think you drove me away. Kiva, you are the tear in my heart and I love you so much. I wasn't thinking when I brought the topic of separation up to Josh and I am so sorry for not talking to you about my feelings. Maybe if I did so, we wouldn't be in this situation."

His grip tightened on my hand as Adam stirred in the backseat. "I am not ever leaving your side no matter how much we fight. We've been through too much together for us to just call it quits. It's just hard for me, you know? I'm just not used to being a father and a feel a lot of stress to be a fantastic father and still be in the music business."

He sighed, heavily, running a hand through his hair. "What I'm trying to say is that I know that the stress I'm feeling is being taken out on you and I want you to understand that it is not on purpose, okay? And to prove that, I'm canceling the remainder of the tour."

My eyes widened. "Tyler, this a huge tour, you can't just cancel it."

"The tour can wait. Adam and you are the two most important things in my life right now. I need to focus on you guys. I love you and our son more than anything on this planet and I am going to take care of both of you for the rest of my life."

I smiled up at him, tears clouding my vision. "You promise?"

"When have I ever broken a promise to you?"

A/N: And this is the end of wonderland! Sadly, there will be no sequel, but feel free to check out my Twenty One Pilots story I'm currently working on called Apple Shampoo.

Also, I am in the process of writing the first chapter of my new Josh Dun story and I would love it for you guys would check it out once it's published.

Thank you all so much for the support and I hope you all continue to enjoy my writing!

-L.A