Joma: Learning to live.

Part 2 The Truth and the Pain Chapter 14

I'm looking out the french doors into the garden. The rainy garden. When Joe comes up to me and pulls me over to the sofa. "What's up?" He asks with his head in his hand, staring at me.

"I think- I think I'm just depressed again."

"What's to be depressed about? God Emma, I'm actually really fed up with you acting like this all the time. You're not depressed; you haven't got depression so stop it. Just stop." Joe says with a tone of voice that sounds like he's giving up.

"I'm not depressed? To hell with that Joe! I'm the one with no mum, the one with no siblings, the one that's just defeated cancer, the one with a boyfriend that's never home, the one with a boyfriend that doesn't act like they should; supporting their partner!" I shout starting a full on argument.

"Oh well sorry  for going to work!" he shouts with a sarcastic tone.

"It's not just going abroad for work, it's when I was almost dying in hospital and you stayed at home rather than being by my side or when I was in remission and you went out to the club with your mates.." I said this now with tears running down my face.

"The hell Emma! I did tha-..."

But before Joe said the rest of his sentence I was out of the door running down the road in the dark, in the rain, by myself. I ran. As best I could. Somewhere far. Somewhere hidden. It was raining heavier now with puddles getting deeper and the streets getting emptier. My beanie was drenched, cold water running down my neck, my grey jumper now black. 'Why did I do this?' I was crying but I didn't care because you wouldn't be able to tell anyway. 'Was this the right decision?' 'What would have happened if I didn't tell the truth to Joe?' 'Is this the pathetic end to whatever we had?'

JOE

Emma ran before I could finish what I was trying to say. She ran out into the rain. 'Why would she do that? The freaking rain!'

I'm guessing I need to go get her. I put my shoes and coat on and left the house.

As I was walking down the street everything hit me. Maybe I took what she had for granted. Maybe I was away a lot. Maybe I did leave her to die. With all these thoughts swimming around my mind I really did notice that I left her because I couldn't face the fact that she could die.

Emma

The stupidest idea I have ever come up with. My chest drew tight as if I had asthma, my legs were struggling to support me, my blood felt it was getting thicker and thicker as it passed through my veins. I love Joe. The most worthless argument I have ever had. I think about turning back 'but doesn't that just show I'm weaker than I am?'

I've stopped running now I feel like I could collapse any minute. My head's pounding and bruises are forming all over my skin. Just as I feel I'm about to fall someone has folded me into their embrace, their arms tight around me. I go weak barely able to stand. I'm leaning into them slightly.

"Deep breaths." The husky voice tells me.

I breathe in deep, so deep I feel like a balloon being filled with air as oxygen reaches my lungs. It's Joe. I can't tell because of his voice or the smell of him as my face is buried into him but from where his hands are placed on my back. Low down. Right hand higher than the other.

I'm still not really taking anything in as my heart kicks against my chest but he's picked me up and walking. I expected myself to have got further than round the corner. I felt like I had run back to Manchester but when realistically I ran about 400m.

My heart's struggling and so are my lungs basically all my organs have just finished three marathons and they are slowly going to sleep.