He calls me blue.

1. (TW)

When I was younger, I was unaware of a lot. I didn't know that there were bills and responsibilities. I didn't know that every day innocent people were being tortured and killed. I didn't know that people killed them self.

But here I am, standing on the edge of a cliff, looking over, rethinking what brought me here.

When I was a freshmen in high school, I got a good understanding of what depression was. I knew people who suffered from it, and I watched it slowly eat away at them. Of course, I didn't know how to help. So I let it happen.

My best friend Liz killed herself my sophomore year.

She wrote me a letter, and to this day, I still haven't opened it. It was all my fault, and I can stand the idea of remembering the way I felt when her mom called me at 3 in the morning screaming the same four words over and over. "My baby is gone. "

Weeks after the funeral, I was diagnosed with severe depression and was put on suicide watch. My family ended up giving up on the watch and on me. My mom stopped caring. My dad stopped picking up my anti depressants. And my brother, well, he stopped everything. Affection, sympathy, help. My whole family just left me to face this all by myself.

Senior year was when things got worse. So much worse. I was bullied at school. I was getting in to self harm. I even attempted suicide, but before I could die, my body threw up the pills.

Tonight is prom. Also, my last night alive.

You might be wondering why I chose to jump to my death. Well, it's quite simple. I can't go back. I cant flush the blades or throw up the pills. I can't untie the noose or let the bathtub water drain. I can't stop this. Once I do it, I can't stop it. And it's weird because when I was first attempting, I only wanted to swallow pills because it was painless, but Now seeing as the first attempt failed, I figured jumping is the next best.

I leaned over the edge, a little too far, so I backed up and took a deep breath, preparing myself for death.

"This is it. "I whispered to myself. "I'll see you soon, best friend. "

I walked back up the edge and stuck one foot off.

And I swear. I was going to do it.