This Is A Fever You Can't Sweat Out//Panic! At The Disco FanFic//RyanRoss FanFic

Build God, Then We'll Talk

We both got out and walked towards the bar. We didn't walk close like we used to. We walked with a good few feet in between us. And we were both silent all the way into the bar. Then when we actually got inside, we both side into a booth and waited for a waitress to come over to us.

"Did Brendon invite you to that party?" I asked, looking right at him.

"Yeah. You?"

"HmmHmm." I hummed and nodded. "I kept asking him if you were going to be there and he kept saying no. I wasn't expecting to see you." I added. "That's why I was a bitch. I'm sorry I was such bitch."

"I wasn't expecting to see you there either." Ryan replied truthfully. "I had just broken up with my girlfriend. I wasn't even going to come. But, Jon got me to come." He quickly added.

"Are you going to write a song about this girlfriend?" I asked, looking at his eyes.

"No. I wasn't planning on it." He looked at me.

"Why'd you do it for me then?"

"You were the only girl I ever loved. Have you ever tried filling a void with something that doesn't fill it?"

Yeah. My marriage. My failing marriage.

"No." I lied.

"Well, I have. The shit I did doesn't even cover it." He looked away. "The drugs. The alcohol. Even the sex. Didn't fill it." He added, looking at me again. "But the song writing. The song writing about you. That filled it. That helped me. That did the job. That's what I did. There's a million notebooks in my studio with songs about you. Songs about us." He took a shaky breath in. "I don't think you understand, Agnes. I thought about you every day after the fight. Doesn't matter what I thought about. Your smile made my day better." He chuckled.

"I write about you." I quietly stated.

"What was that?" Ryan asked, folding his hands onto the table.

"I, uh. I wrote, err. I write about you too." I said, a little louder this time. "Mostly just you. It didn't matter what it was. It was solely about you." I looked down at the table and sighed. "The one that Brendon thinks I should get recorded that was a song about you. He didn't even know."

It was awkward for a moment. I stood up.

"I need a drink. You want anything?" I asked, placing my purse on the table and pulling out my wallet.

"You don't have to get me anything. It's all good. I'll get something." Ryan waved me off.

"I'm getting you a beer. I know you like that." I said, before going up to the bar. The bar tender walked up. A stein with a towel in his hands.

"Martini and Beer." I said, handing him a $10 bill. He nodded and went to make my drink. Moments later, he placed a stein filled with beer and a glass filled with my drink. I nodded as I brought them over to the table Ryan and I had claimed.

"It's fine. Don't pay me back." I placed the stein on the table and slid it over to him. He pulled it closer to him and then chuckled.

"What?" I asked, looking at him.

"I just remember the first summer you worked for us." He smiled before sipping his drink.

"Oh yeah? What is it?" I asked, moving my straw around in my drink.

"It doesn't matter."

"No. Tell me."

"It was the night you got hired, without permission. We at McDonalds. You and Brendon had gone in and gotten our food and had come back out. You told me I owed you money for fries and-"

"You still remember that?" I asked, finally taking a sip of my drink. "That was forever ago." He chuckled and nodded.

"Yeah, well, you were a real bitch towards me 11 years ago." He winked. I rolled my eyes.

"Hey now. You fell in love with that bitch. So don't be a dick about it now. You were just as bad as I was." I pointed my finger at him. He smiled.

"Yeah. I miss that." Ryan looked up at me. "I missed you." He added. I looked sown and smiled.

"I bet you did." I laughed. "Tell me about this girl that you recently broke up with." I took a sip of my drink.

"Aw man. She was awesome." He smiled and went on to tell me about her. I smiled and nodded. By the time he had finished, I had finished my drink.

"What about you? Have you had any relationships?" He asked, taking the last sip from his drink.

"Let's get more to drink before I share." I stood up again, taking the empty glasses and going back up to the bartender. This time I ordered a really boozy drink and Ryan a beer, again. I walked back to the table and placed the drinks down.

"Sorry." I smiled, sipping my drink. "I just really need a drink." I honestly say, taking a long sip from my drink, again.

"It's all good." He nodded.

"Now, about me." I chuckled, slouching back into my seat. "Well, what is there to tell, Ryan?"

"Just tell me." He smiled, leaning over on the table. "What have you been up to?"

"I'm in a failing marriage. That's what's to tell. We got married in 2013 shortly after Brendon and Sarah. We met in 2011. Dated for a year. Got engaged. Got married. Going to get a divorce. There's a reason why I said let's get a drink instead of you dropping me off at home. It's cause... Because she was there. Jamie and I fight every day. About the car, the house, the dishes, me, him, and having a baby. It's all bullshit. I honestly went to that party hoping to go home with them. Maybe get trash wasted. Have sex. Then leave before they wake up. It's just bullshit. He freaks out every time I leave the damned house. He's worried I'll get home when she's there. Oh god." I paused and shook my head. "She was there. Walking around my house naked. She's younger than I am, for fucks sake. She looks younger than me. And God, Ryan, I don't doubt he loves her like he loves- Loved. The way he loved me." I looked at him. "He wants to have a baby with me but he's sleeping with another woman. I don't know if he thinks that will change his mind. But, it won't help. A baby won't save our marriage. And, we don't even have sex anymore. I couldn't even tell you the last time we did." I paused and took a long sip from my drink. "Jamie was supposed to fill the void that you had caused... I married him loving him. But, that love went away last year when he came home late and when he started yelling at me."

Ryan didn't say anything for a while. He just looked at me. Great. I just murdered him. If he wasn't murdered beforehand.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have gone into that. You're not my diary. Not that I keep one." I quickly let out as Ryan shifted in his seat.

"When did you... You got married?" He asked, scratching the back of his head. "You're married?!"

"Yeah. I'm getting the feeling that that's going to change this year." I sighed. It's only January. They year's barely started. "That's why I don't want to have a baby with him. The fuck wants to have a baby then run off with her. Leave me with the kid." I rolled my eyes. "Oh. My drink is gone and I'm finally feeling a little drunk. I'm gonna get another one." I stood up with my glass and stumbled to the bar.