Phobia

Make Sure You Put Me Where You Could Hear Me

Today was honestly hell. I wasn't allowed to leave the house and I was under constant watch. My dad had allowed me to keep my phone, but that's after a long conversation of me trying to convince him. I wasn't allowed to close my bedroom door and every so often someone would come and check in on me. I was sitting on the floor, my back to the chest at the foot of my bed. I wasn't sure who to message, since I didn't want to bring this onto Tiarna and I didn't want to bother Dakota. That's when I remembered I still had Vivian's number still stuck to my bulliten board. I sighed in defeat, knowing it may be the only person I might be able to go to. Though as I continued to think about it, I didn't want to bother her either. She hasn't been the same since Zama, and I understood why. Afterall, her best friend died. I wasn't sure what I would do if Tiarna died, and I really hoped I wouldn't ever find out. So I reached towards one of the only coats I kept in my room and dug through the pocket for a crumpled piece of paper. Mathia had given me his number at some point, but I never thought I'd ever actually need it. He freaked me out and I didn't really want to socialize with him, or well, up until last night. Putting his number in, I called him, listening to the rings.

"Hello, Mathia here," He began saying.

"Hey, it's Renee," I began, suddenly caught off.

"Sorry I couldn't get to the phone right now, but leave a message after the beep." And just before the beep, I hung up, curling into a ball. I wasn't sure what to do, everything was going wrong.

My mother had died, because of me. I watched her get dragged under the water, saw her struggle as blood began to rise up. She hadn't noticed at first that she was bleeding, though. Before she got dragged under the water, I had called out for her to watch out. She shushed me and tried to get my unconcious brother into the boat. I had driven away not long after that, as she was floating lifeless. I had whispered that I loved her, and her last words to me were, "I love you too, Renee. Stay strong." After that, I hadn't been the same. I tried not to cry, I tried to be tough and get through everything life threw at me. But I don't think she anticipated a murderer murdering everybody I was close to. I then remembered Zama, and how bubbly she was. She'd talk hours on end about pranks she wanted to try, and the pranksters she looked up to. She would tell me the pros and cons about each prank she's done and wants to do. She wanted to grow up to be a magician, to change the world for the better with laughter. She would always tell me, "it's all right to be down, it's all right to be negative, but you've got to make sure you're not bottling up to yourself." She would make me feel comfortable, and I adored it. Her last words to me were, "Bye, Renee, catch you in the next prank." Hinting her next prank was directed to me. I was even looking forward to it, but it never happened, and she died. Then there was Julian, my childhood friend, the guy that I loved to death. He was so sweet and handsome and we were beyond best friends. I loved the guy, and we had so many jokes and laughs. He was often really awkward, but not in the awkward kind of way, if that makes any sense. It was almost bitter sweet, and nice. He was so calming and very supportive. I wish he hadn't gone to the farm, if he hadn't, he might not have been swarmed by bees. Maybe, just maybe, had I tried harder, I could have stopped it all. But I just wish I could have known, though I'm not some detective that can put pieces together and find the pattern. Oh god did I wish I was, though.

I felt a tear trickle down my face, and I couldn't help but laugh. Laugh because every time I'd cry, one of the three would pull me close and hold me and crack a joke. But the room stayed silent, and nobody was going to come and hug me. I knew it all too well. My phone rang, and I nearly ignored it, but I decided against myself. Taking my phone off the ground, I looked at the caller ID, but all that showed up was a number that I swore was Mathia's. So, I answered it, and soft music played through the speaker, soft, and not English.

"Hello?" The voice asked from the other end, it was muffled, and it sounded like he was rustling through something. I must have been on speaker.

"Mathia, right?" I asked trying to steady my voice and failing. I heard the rustling stop and a more clear voice that I was sure was Mathia.