Journeys of the Heart

#7 Lies

"Hey, I'll be going to the room to check up on her if she's okay. I heard that she's been sick for a while now, even before she came on this trip. Will you be fine waiting here for a while?"

Even if I said I wasn't going to be fine, you'd still go anyway.  

I nod my head slightly, turning back to my hot plate of food.

5 minutes pass. 10 minutes. 20 minutes. 30 minutes. 

Why is he gone for such a long time? She isn't dying or anything. 

I stare back down at my now cold food that I haven't touched since he left. After a while longer, I decide to leave my untouched plate and walk back to our room to see what's going on.

Maybe her condition got worse. Yeah, that's probably it. I should probably go see her. It's just selfish of me to eat dinner without her. Maybe when I see if she's awake, I'll get her a plate of food from the dining hall before she takes her meds. Yeah... that's what a good friend should do.

As I reach the mat in front of our room, I reach for the keys in my pocket. At that moment, I hear laughter through the cracks in the door. His and her's.

So, I guess she's not as sick as I thought.

Palms sweaty. Knees shaking. Thoughts fogging up. Goose bumps running up and down my arms. I insert the key in the keyhole and twist the door knob.

I'll just go in, say hi, grab something, and walk out. No worries. They probably want to be alone together... one on one. That's fine... 

"Oh hey, did you finish eating already? I don't think I'll be eating or going to tonight's bonfire activities. Not really hungry. I think I'll stay here until you get back."

Right... stay here... with her. If that's what you want, then fine. It's fine. 

I glance at the two sitting on her bed. She's dressed in her pajamas ready to go to sleep, even though I know that she won't be sleeping any time soon. He's sitting there by her side. Right where he wants to be. Right where she wants him to be.

"Hello? Did you hear what I said? I won't be--"

Moments later, I'm back outside with my portable charger for my phone. Leaning against the old wooden door for a while, I hear them mention my unusual behavior, but brush it off like it was nothing but dust on their shoulders.

I just slammed the door on them... I couldn't reply... I just couldn't...

Walking to the nearest hammock, I sit there, rocking myself on the tips of my toes. For a while, my whole body feels numb -- lifeless, and then tears begin falling on the ground, seeping into Mother Earth.

I'll be alright. I'll be okay. I don't need anyone else. 

"Hey! You! Why are you alone in the dark? Go back into the dining hall. We'll be starting activities in 10 minutes!"

I nod and let the person walk away into the light of the dining hall. But, I remain in the same place on that old worn out hammock. I shift myself horizontally and lay down staring at the stars shining in the clear sky. Tears still cascading down the sides of my face. I place one of my arms over my eyes, shielding me from the world.

Let me blend into the darkness and fade away into the night. No one will even notice I'm gone. They won't even mind if I'm gone. 

*Flashbacks*

Them walking together to the canteen.

Him holding her bag at school.

She clinging on to his arm near the lockers.

Him putting his arm around her shoulder.

Him walking her to class after the bell rings.

The way they laugh at their inside jokes.

They way they share common interests.

The way he looks at her.

The way she looks at him.

They way they look good together... in every way.

How I'm in the way of everything.

How I decided to fall for someone who fell for someone else.

How I decided to help him get her... willingly.

"I don't like him in that way. We're just friends. I'm not looking for a relationship right now, you know? I just want to be friends."

*End Flashback*

Utter bullshit. Lies. Why did you have to be sick now? Why did he have to go to your room? Why are you all suddenly leaving me alone, again? Am I just a minor character in this love story? Do my feelings not matter? 

What if it were me who got sick? Would you come and take care of me how you're taking care of her? 

*Scoffs* Of course not. You wouldn't even think of coming to the room to check if I'm dead or not.

Do I get a 'Thank you' for helping? No. I get nothing out of this. Except a knife in the chest and in the back. 

I really appreciate it. 

I roll off the hammock and begin to walk away from them. From the light. On to the rocky path, kicking pebbles left and right. Back to the dining hall.

Thanks. For everything.