Journeys of the Heart

#1: It hit her

It hit her like a train. Before she truly realized what had happened, it was too late.

She was numb, closed off from the world that seemed to move faster than she could keep up, leaving her behind to pick up the pieces of her life that were still scattered on the floor. Her heartbeat had slowed down, close to the point where she couldn’t hear it even if she tried. People walked past her without giving her a second glance. It wasn't the slightest bit unusual. Everyone was busy with their lives - minding their own business. Missing the smallest details that could've made a difference. Most people were walking around with a lover, a group of friends, or family, but not this girl. She came alone.
Golden arches decorated the grand steps outside of the mall. A towering Christmas tree had already been set up in front of the front doors, readily prepared for the festive holidays. Though it was not a traditional pine tree with various ornaments hanging from its branches, it was, nevertheless, the highlight of the seasonal decor. Instead, made of metal, with large snowflake-shaped metal slates covering the outer surface of the frame, it bent into the shape of the tree. As tradition, a star was placed at the top of the framework, waiting to shine when night falls. Gather around was a crowd of people; all stopping to take a glance or snap a picture before walking into the building, satisfied. Not truly appreciating the spirit of Christmas. Just admiring the shallow beauty. She was a spectator of all this. Close to the entrance was too hectic and boisterous. Farther down the steps was quieter; it was where she was.

She sat in front of the medium sized man-made water fall, situated in front of the mall as a decoration. Watching and listening to the flow of water that had been circulating for the past two hours had given her a strange sense of peace and serenity, an emotion that had been missing in her life for the past few weeks. It had been her final decision. After walking around in the prestigious mall for over an hour, trying to find someone - anyone, she gave up. She sat there on the wooden bench, waiting.

She wasn’t sure who or what she was waiting for. All she wanted was a miracle to happen. For everything to be fine again. But that, without a doubt, was the understatement of the century.
He gave up. Without a warning, he walked out of her life without a reason as to why he did so. It could’ve been because she didn’t give him enough – because she wasn’t pretty enough – or because she wasn’t good enough in general. No matter what the reason was, it was over. Nothing could change the fact that he had moved on without her. She was left with deep wound. A huge gash in the middle of her fragile heart that would take god knows how much time to stitch back up. The memory was locked in her mind, covered in delicate red velvet. It took only a small trigger to unravel the pain, the pang of rejection. To her, it should’ve been normal. She’d gone through this several times before. How was this any different?

She wanted him to stay. And he agreed to, but just as friends. That was a problem. For their relationship had gone way too far to come back. Their feelings had set sail on a ship, and it was only to go out into the middle of the ocean. There, she was stranded on a row boat. Forced to paddle back to the shore on her own. It could never be the same. He had asked her why they couldn’t still be friends, and at that point, it should’ve been clear, but it was obvious. He didn’t understand.

The sky had turned grey and clouds had accumulated over the city of angels. Rain is coming soon, she thought. Her dad hadn’t called her yet, nor did she think he minded that she had been out for a long time. He knew where she was. She knew the way back home. But she didn’t want to go home. Not now. Going home meant going back; facing the reality she dreaded and tried hard to escape.

A long sigh escaped her dry, pale lips. She knew no one was coming for her, for this is reality and not one of her childish fanfiction stories. All those years reading about that one guy, that last hope, coming to save her, was a lie. Waiting any longer wouldn’t make a difference. As she lost her last sliver of hope, a little girl came up to her, holding a white balloon. Her face showed a look of curiosity and innocence, almost angel-like. It could have been possible she was lost, but it didn’t seem so. A small, warm hand brushed against the teenage girl’s cheek.

The little angel asked, “Why are you crying?” She hadn’t noticed her tears had fallen; for she was too deep in thought.

“I don’t really know,” replied the girl, though that was a lie. She knew exactly why. Using the sleeve of her sweater to dry her cheeks, she turned to the little girl with a sad smile. Small arms reached around her waist, engulfing her in a tiny hug. Genuinely confused, she hugged the strange little girl back. It felt soothing, almost too familiar. She let go and faced the child again.

“I want you to have this,” as her petite fingers uncurled from the string of the balloon, placing it in the palm of the teenager’s hand.

“Hold on to it, until you find your happiness.” With that said, the little girl flashed a bright smile, and happily skipped away. A small laugh escaped the teen’s lips. She hadn’t laughed for quite a while.
Find her happiness. It was a challenge. Staring at the white balloon, she thought long and hard. Until it hit her.

Rain drops started to fall, slowly at first, but soon it became heavier. She grabbed her knapsack and ran towards the skytrain station, just in front of the mall. There, she stood. Watching the continuous rainfall. Though she was soaked to the bone - slightly shivering but still bearable - she smiled to herself.

A sense of relief washed over her; taking in a long breath of fresh air. As if a heavy burden had been lifted. She stood there, not waiting for anything in particular anymore. People walked past her without giving her a second glance. It wasn't the slightest bit unusual. Everyone was busy with their lives - minding their own business. She savored the moment; the moment everyone else looked over. This moment - and every other moment, no matter how small or significant, should be everlasting.

The rain lightened to a drizzle and the sun peaked out from behind the clouds. She gave another good look at the pure white balloon the strange little girl gave her, before letting go of the string. Letting it float up; to travel where the wind would take it. It was free. And, for the first time in a long time, so was she.

As for that wound, only time could tell. Everything had a certain time - a time to start, to end, and to move on. Whether it would be now or soon. It didn’t matter; sooner or later, it will come. Each ending was a new beginning. And maybe. Just maybe. The End is never the end.