INTROSPECTIVE

Chapter 6

Louis slowly staggered into his house.His foot was aching terribly and he badly wanted to drop and on the floor and lay there.But he had been gone for too long and he needed to check up on her.

Limping to the sitting room where he had last left her,he felt regret for letting the anger get the best of him and for leaving her in the state that she was in.He found his mother's lying form missing and all the alcohol bottles gone.

"Is there a problem,Mkubwa?"

Louis turned around and sighed in relief.It was Lina,the housekeeper.It was Saturday and she often came on Saturdays.

"Where is my mother?"

"She's in her room.Don't worry I took care of her.She's currently resting,"she replied in perfect Kiswahili that was often associated with her countrymen.

"Thank you."He replied with real sincerity.

He began limping towards his mother,past Lina who dared not to say a word as she had learned a long time ago that Louis was a person who kept very much to himself and did not appreciate any nosy questions even if they were asked with nothing but good intentions.

"Not a word to my mother about this,"he instructed before he was out of her hearing range.An instruction that was completely unnecessary as Lina knew all too well that he would say that the minute she spotted him in the sitting room.

He took a deep breath before entering his mother's bedroom,which was the guest bedroom on the ground floor ever since the death of Louis' father. Since then,she had refused to sleep in the master bedroom as it caused her too much grief to be reminded constantly of him.She could barely stand even the sight of his cufflinks.Yet,she stubbornly refused to get rid of his things much less move them.It was as if one day she expected him to walk back into the house like it was in the old times and that life would go back to noraml.But Louis knew that there was nothing really normal about their family even when his father was alive.But of course, his mothet chose not to remember.Or maybe she did remember but she chose to ignore it.After all,you're only supposed to remember the good about the dead, right?

He opened the door soundlessly and peeked in.He didn't want to wake her.He was afraid that she'd be disaapointed in him for leaving her.Hearing her soft snores,he felt considerably more confident and he walked in.She was lying on her back,facing upwards.Louis stared at his mother.She always looked so peaceful when she was asleep.Unlike when he slept,sleep seemed to be a welcome respite for his mother from the harsh realities of her life.Sometimes,she would even smile.Louis was sure that she was dreaming of his father and that's why she was always smiling in her sleep.A smile that would disappear once she was awake.It saddened him that she could never find anything to smile about in real life.

"Lau,"she called out groggily with her eyes still closed.Her voice was so hoarse and that caused the guilt to dig deeper into him.

"Ahhh, Lau Lau Lau,"she pronounced his name in her mother tongue accent."You know you can never sneak up on me.I told you already your mother has super hearing."

Louis sighed.He hated when she called him that especially in that voice.It meant that she was thinking about her brother.She had named him after her brother.He had passed away a few years back.She often used the same nickname she had for her brother on Louis.She always thought that Louis liked the little nickname and he let her think so for her own sake.

"You know you look so much like him.You even act like him."she spoke with a little twinkle in her eye."You talk like him.Act like him.Always so self-possessed."

"Mom.Let's not talk about him."

"Such a fine combination of your uncle and father.Always taking care of me.Always...always cleaning up my mess....over and over again."

Her voice broke at that point.Unable to hold in the emotion,she began sobbing.

Louis held his mother which only seemed to make her cry harder.

"I couldn't he...lp it.Yesterday was our anniversary....It was so...hard.So..I...I took them both."She was wailing now and Louis held her tighter feeling even more guilty than he did before.He shouldn't have left her.He shouldn't have let the anger get to him like that.But he had been angry, he knew what she had done.She had mixed her anti-depressants with alcohol again.After she had promised him in tears only two days before that she would never do something like that again when he had discovered her dark deed.Still,he had left her in a terrible state - lying on the floor,lonely and grief-stricken.If Lina hadn't come today she'd still be there.

"I'm so sorry.I should have been here.I'm here and I'm not leaving."he whispered hoarsely his own emotion choking his words.

And he stayed true to his word and held her until she calmed down and fell back to dreams of her husband in her peaceful sleep.Yet he stayed a little longer the guilt having grounded him on the side of her bed,watching her smile in her sleep.

By now his foot was aching unbearably.He stooped down to massage it,hoping to ease the pain a little bit.And that's when he saw it.That little photo lying underneath the bed.He bent to pick it, already knowing what photo to expect.Suprisingly,they were actually two photos.And as expected the first one was a photo of his father.Tall and imposing with those eyes that Louis had inherited.His golden brown skin seemingly glowing in the pleasant lighting.He was wearing a fitting white shirt that made him look younger than he really was.Louis studied the photo,remembering exactly why his father was wearing that shirt. And immediately the voices came back.

How could you?

Why?

But this time he didn't let his mind linger on those thoughts and he threw down the photo immediately as if the action would make the thoughts vanish from his mind.

The second photo got a completely different reaction from him.He was shocked by the what he saw on the second photo.Was he seeing right?It was an ultrasound photo and at the back of the photo,clearly inscribed in his mother 's handwriting were the following words:
6 weeks.Welcome to mommy little Kit.

Shocked,Louis stared at his mother as the realisation of what he had just found out tugged at his heart.

Hello,good people.Well,that was quite a discovery for Louis.Let's see where it leads as we read on.

Mkubwa in this context means boss.Like Lina considers Louis to be her employer that's why she's calling him that.(Kiswahili word by the way)

Well that's all for foreign words today.The song is:Great Escape by Pink.please listen to the song.

Enjoy the chapter.Vote,comment and critique.I would really like to hear from you.