INTROSPECTIVE

Chapter 14

Eva looked out the window. A girl with long braided hair wielding a stick was running after a boy. She was screaming at the top of her lungs, angry tears streaming down her face while the boy was laughing running around in circles that further agitated the girl. A small smile graced seven year old Eva's face as she watched all this. The laughter and even the tears, she craved it all.

Her smile slowly faded as she stared longingly at the padlock on her gate.She felt an ache in her chest and she adjusted her position on the cold staircase from where she was watching 'the world' from.She leaned against her knees as if that would help lessen the ache.

She glanced out the window. They were playing hide and seek now.She wanted that.She wanted it so badly.

Maybe today. Just today.Zawadi would let her go outside and play,wouldn't she?She got up,resolved to go outside and play.

"Just today,"she told herself.

She pattered softly to the kitchen and found Zawadi doing the dishes.

"Auntie,"she pulled out the last syllable sweetly,"could I go out and play?"she uttered politely in Kiswahili.

Zawadi huffed then turned towards Eva.

"You know it's your mother who told me to lock the gate. Go watch TV and wait for your mother to get home."She said flippantly, turning back to the dishes.

Tears threatened to leak out of her eyes.

"Auntie, please,"she muttered in a small voice.

Zawadi just made a sound of disapproval and continued with her business.

The aching in her chest intensified and she broke out in a sob as she began tearingly pleading with Zawadi.

"Please. Auntie........ aki please auntie," she pleaded as she held onto Zawadi's skirt.

But Zawadi remained unmoved and totally unaffected by Eva's tears.

Eva was so desperate. The aching in her chest was so painful. She just wanted it to stop.

She would do anything to make it stop.

The next thing that happened was something that both her and Zawadi could never have anticipated. Years later, Eva honestly still didn't understand what got into her. It was plain crazy that a seven year old like her could even think of that.

She remembered loosening her hold on Zawadi's skirt. At the same time, she quieted down and stopped sobbing. For a brief moment, the aching in her chest disappeared as she snatched the kitchen knife from the cutlery drawer. She turned to face Zawadi and with all the seriousness she could muster, she threatened to take her own life.

There must have been something about the look in her face because that day, that heavy padlock on the gate was unlocked and Eva finally got to step out of the house. All thoughts of knives were forgotten. She just felt so happy. Gosh! If she could have bottled that moment and carried it around for the rest of her life, she would have.

She enjoyed herself thoroughly as she played 'hide and seek', 'police and robbers' amongst other games. She didn't even complain when she was tackled roughly to the ground during the game of 'police and robbers'. And when Zawadi came to call her back home, she left with no qualms.

Eva remembered how nervous she was when her mother arrived home that day. Oh! She was going to get the spanking of her life,she was convinced. After Zawadi had recounted the whole story to her, her mother turned to her and with a deep look of disappointment, she told her,"Si ungejiua basi."You should have killed yourself then.