autism . frerard

Ch.9

I begged Gerard to just shove me out the front door or throw me through the window. I figured he would. I thought he would let me get soaked and swear to me to never tell anyone. I expected him to beat the living shit out of me that I knew his biggest secret. But he didn't do any of those things. If I tried to pull away he'd hold me tighter and if I tried saying something he'd shush me and run and hand over my back.

"Gerard, I should go," I started, lifting me head up to look at him, desperately wanting to meet his eyes, to now that they glowed with a happiness again. For just a minute, I wish they would.

"Please," He whined, squeezing my small frame against him. I casted my gaze down against his chest and relaxed back into his arms.

"I want to stay but it'd be right for me to go. My parents already hate me enough." God, I can only imagine the fighting the two of them would go through, and the complaints and fake happy gestures towards me.

"You'll be okay," He softly cooed into my ear, his hot breath tickling my neck and running down my back, making me squirm slightly.

"Okay; I trust you," I simply said, curling into his chest and trying to relax my legs that were each on the side of him.

He kissed my forehead and ran a hand through my hair soothingly. Everything was so calm and nice, I didn't have a chance to let the thought of my parents drag me down. I wish that things could stay like this. I wish I could stay cuddled up into Gerard's arms and that I could hold him, keeping him safe. That's all I've ever really wanted.

I closed my eyes and breathed in his calming sent. I lightly held onto his shirt and nuzzled my face into his shoulder, letting sleep overcome me.

×××

I wasn't suprised when I woke up- Gerard's door still locked, and him offering to walk me home. I had slowly gotten changed and the walk towards my my house was awkward and silent. A nervous tension of what Gerard's parents would have done if they found us, and what my parents would do if they found out I had a boyfriend. I slightly feared they would catch me walking down the sidewalk with Gerard by my side.

"I'll talk to you tonight," Gerard mumbled, kissing my forehead, knocking me out of my luring thoughts.

"I don't want you to leave," I said quietly as he stopped me on the porch. I really didnt, I've been alone for a long time in my life to where any time I think about being alone I curl up into a ball and cry. I especially hated it when Gerard had to leave because he's the one whos shaped me up so much and changed my life for the better; I hated having to imagine a world without Gerard Way- so bland and lifeless. He deserves more... deserves better.

"I know, Baby, I know," He sighed out as he ran a hand through my hair and kissed my cheek. "But I have to."

"Please, Gee. Try not to get hurt-" I felt my eyes start to tear up, but he quickly interupted me.

"Hey, hey, hey, I'm gonna try and find some help today, okay?" He said, voice eager as he took a drag from his cigarette and flicked it away.

I nodded and hugged him tightly before he started leaving.

He smiled as he turned around and started walking away. I tried to walk back inside but I couldn't until Gerard was out of sight. Once he was, I sighed and unlocked the door, expecting my parents to run at me and start shouting threats.

But when I opened the door, none of those things happened (the lights weren't even on). I slowly walked inside and took notice of the note on the side table that I wasn't even interested in enough to read. Not wanting to read my parents lousy excuses in a form of pity. So instead I wasted my day watching my favorite monster movies and talking to myself. Trapped alone by myself, with just my thoughts, the possibilities were endless.