We Happened

Chapter Twenty One

Radhika's pov

It's been three days I'm living with Mom. I hadn't heard anything from Rishabh and it kind of relief. It is difficult to forget things he said but today is better than the other days. I'm so glad that my dad left for some urgent work out of town and my mom called me to spend some time with her. I needed this break to be away from Rishabh and settle my mind. It was working since spending time with Mom made me relaxed.

I was sitting in the living watching TV when I heard someone open the door. I got up ran to the door to see who it was and I was shocked to see him standing there and he was equally shocked. It was evident he didn't know I was here and my dad didn't seem happy looking at me. Leaving me at the door he went straight inside and I followed him. 

"Where is your mom?" My dad asked in a cold voice.

"She isn't home" 

"What the hell are doing here?"

"I came to visit mom for some days before going back"

"The same mother on who you walked out of last time with that boy? The same mother who you didn't inform about your visit to the city?"

"I-I-"

Before I could say something I was interupted again "Did you not know this is my house? You're the one who claims how much you hate me and hate being around in this house? Why are you here then? You've disappointment us so much that it is beyond discussion."

"Why are you so mean to me? What did I ever do to you? What did I do now? I'm just here for my mom, because of my mom. I never did anything wrong to you. Why the hell would be such a jerk to me?" I was furious. I was furious with men trying to overpower me this entire week.

"You were born that's what you did to me" he yelled at top of his lungs. "I wanted to be a father. I wanted a kid and you took it away from me. You wanted all the attention that your mother couldn't bear the thought of dividing her attention with anybody else. You took it away. You took my chance of being a family. I look at you and I see what I've lost. I lost so much because of you. Yoh ruined my life."   He took another deep breath "I've never wanted you. How much I wish I didn't have to call you my daughter. How much of happiness you've taken away from me just like that. I cannot forgive you for all the times you made my life miserable and alone" By the time he stopped talking I was already in tears. I knew he didn't want me but I didn't know he hated me so much. Every single word was like throwing rocks at me to hurt me as much as he can.

I saw him looking into my eyes with pure disgust and my heart clench at how much can someone hate me when I haven't even done anything. 

"If this is how you were going to be a father I'm so glad my mom never wanted a child with you. If my father was anything like you, I'm happy he died because somebody like you,  doesnt deserve to be a father" I couldn't stand the sight of disgust anymore. It was a decision my mom took not me. I was just a kid who didn't had a dad and wanted his mother more than usual. It wasn't my fault. Finally, after all these years I realised. I've been beating myself up for no reason. It wasn't my fault. I need to stop feeling guilty.

He took a step forward and glared me "You disgraceful-" and raised his hand to hit me when a voice stopped him. I knew that voice and although I was still mad at him, knowing that he was here gave me some kind of comfort.

"I think Mr. Ahuja this is where you should stop"

"What are you doing here? And how date you enter my house?" My dad screamed at Rishabh.

"The door was opened. I didn't mean to interfere because it isn't my place to but I won't just stand and let you insult Radhika when I know how much more she's worth. I haven't known her for a very long time still her kindness is so overwhelming in a good way. I can't believe what I saw in just few days you, you couldn't notice in years. You had her all this along and trust me she would've made you the world's happiest dad if you would've given her a chance. In any other senario, I would've beaten you to death for raising a hand on her but I wouldn't do it to you because Radhika wouldn't want me to" he looked at me and his eyes soften "You're lucky and even though you cannot see it, just like you, she would do anything for your wife. You need to grow out of this and realized that this isn't forever and you won't be able to blame her forever. Someday you'll have to accept that all this while you did had a family but you were so screwed up to recognize it."

I stood there, numb processing everything he just said to my dad. I didn't know how to feel anymore. It was exhausting and I couldn't do it anymore.

He stood in front of me "I think we should just leave. Get your stuff we'll leave this place" I was too tired to think what was the best thing to do but leaving was easy and I wanted to do something easy so I nodded and walked to get my stuff.

When I came out with my stuff, my Dad was still standing in the same position. I didn't know what was going through his mind but I didn't care anymore. Even looking at him made me sick.

I took a Post-It note and stick it on fridge letting my mom know that I'm leaving. I stood at the gate when Rishabh ran in again. I followed him to see what was he doing.

"And also if you ever try to hurt her again verbally or physically. I swear to God even Radhika won't be able to stop me" his tone made chills ran down my spine. My dad looked at me but I couldn't keep looking at him without hurting.

I just turned and left with Rishabh. I didn't know what was happening in my life. It felt like battle I wasn't aware of yet I've fight. The ride back was silent. I felt suffocated. It felt that I need to get out, breath some air, sort my overriding thoughts and calm myself.

"Are you okay?" Worry evident in his voice

"Stop the car" I whispered. I couldn't get words out of my mouth.

"What?"

"Stop the car. Now. Just-just stop it. I need to breath"

He stopped the car by the side of the road and I stepped out immediately. I sat on the sidewalks and took deep breaths. After a while I held my head in my hands and sighed. This wasn't what I wanted. I don't want to go through this. It is painful and awful.

I felt someone's presence beside me and I know who it was. I didn't open my eyes to look at him. I didn't had the strength to deal with him right now.

"I know the last thing you want right now is listen to my stupid apology but if I don't say what I want to, I'll just die in my guilt. I know it isn't fair how you didn't get a chance to explain but I'm taking one but this what you're as a person-"

I looked at him "A doormat?"

"What? No. You're the bigger person always. You've this heart which has so much purity. I've never come across someone as selfless as you're and maybe that's why I'm always screwing it up because I don't know how to deal with a person who likes me just the way I am and doesn't complain. I wasn't lying when I said your kindness overwhelms me and at the same time it scares me because I don't know what I've done to deserve it. I'm just terrified by the thought that one day you'll know how undeserving I am and you'll stop making efforts on our friendship. I'm terrified by the thought of losing a friend like you because trust me I've never had any. That's why when I saw you with that guy that day it scared me that I might lose you and I panicked. I just said those things out of my fear of getting hurt. I didn't mean anything. None of those terrible things were true. You're the most sorted person I've come across and I don't know how I'm worthy of your friendship but I'm glad we could be friends. I don't know if you can forgive me or not but I just want you to atleast consider the idea of forgiving me because I really miss being friends with you."

I had no words in return. I kept listening but in return had nothing to say. He did sounded sincere and honest and I appreciate that but I was tired of getting hurt by men I care about. I was feeling as if I'm getting steamroll by them.

I wanted to say alot of things to him that I thought of all these days when I was away from him. I had so much to tell him and all these questions which I had, everything kind of just disappeared from my mind.

For the first time in a very long time I felt numb. I couldn't feel anything in particular. I couldn't think of forgiveness. I couldn't feel my anger. I just felt so numb that it was scary.

I looked at him and his eyes were hopeful but it felt like my heart has just stopped feeling anything. I just leaned in and put my head on his shoulder. It was the only thing I could do or think of doing. He wrapped his arm around me. I thought it would make me feel something but it didn't. I felt betrayed and lost.

He said alot of nice things today. He even defended me but when the situation was worst, he was also the one who abandoned me. I kept thinking one thing what is my worth to him?