We Happened

Chapter Twenty Nine

Rishabh's pov

Nothing lasts forever, it's the perfect saying in my situation. I've realised this a long time ago that certain things in life are meant for us as lessons.   lasting. To teach you things that you might never learn. You need to be thankful everyday that those things happen and they show you who you really are.

It's been two years, two months and twleve days since the letter I received from Radhika. Two years, two months and twleve days of absolutely zero idea of how she is doing. Two years, two months and twleve days of me completely blocking her out of my memories. Two years, two months and twelve days of falling miserably at blocking her and forgetting out memories together. I've tried to just let it go and not think about her but I miss her. Everyday since she has left I've tried to keep her out of my thoughts and everyday, I've been haunted by the thought of how things could have been different if I had just loved her. I keep questioning myself everyday since that day, was my trauma and baggage worth losing her? I always come up short.

Maybe one day we'll meet in a different situation with different thoughts, with a less hectic mind and I could explain her things that I never got a chance to tell her. A part of me wishes I never met her because she reminds me of the good that I didn't know existed. I was never good with people leaving or heartbreaks. I haven't known how to deal with them. I just have a defence mechanism which means simply shuts down that memory lane completely.

I've shut myself down completely. I don't talk to anybody much. I work all the time. I'm mostly in my office at nights also. I don't answer or think or acknowledge anything about Radhika as much as possible. I've isolated myself and that has helped with my anxiety. I've started having panic attacks from the day she left. I thought I was over that dreadful phase of my life but the second I read that letter and then re-read it fifteen more times, I felt my pulse fasten and sweat on my forehead. My thoughts became cloudy and I kept playing the moment again and again in my head like a tape only with different outcomes. It was my first panic attack, and I've had one too many in the past two years.

Therapy has helped and staying away from the name Radhika and everything related has made my life bearable. I wish the situation was normal but it wasn't and I didn't want to make it worse for myself because I'm aware she is never coming back. I have lost her and I'm the only person to blame. If I had made an effort to work on my issues, like I'm doing now, maybe she would have still been there but I don't go down that rabbit hole. The one thing my therapist has insisted I work on is focus on today, where you are today, what you want today, how you are feeling today. That is all I am doing.

The only focus for today is my nephew, Arav. He's Arjun and Pakhi's son who is going to be two soon. He had a temper tantrum over chocolates which is as a good uncle, I drove to the nearest supermarket to get him chocolates.

I was wandering around the corner when I saw a lady walking backwards in the aisle. She was frantically looking for something and coming up empty handed. I couldn't see her face but she looked so familiar. I stood there, waiting for her to turn. I could feel my pulse thicken, anxiety rishing thinking she's who I think she is but I didn't want to jump to any conclusion.

She was about to bump into my cart when a man came into the aisle and shouted "Radhika, Watch out!"

"Oh God! I'm so sorry" the voice was oddly familiar. I came face to face with her. All my worst fears where going to come true right in this supermarket aisle. I didn't expect to see her in my life ever again. I thought this door was closed so tight that it won't be opened anytime soon. The goodbyes were said and I've moved on. But looking at her I realized how much I wanted to see her.

"Radhika" I whispered. I couldn't find my voice. It was so low and timid that it was difficult for me to hear it too. I did not realise how much I have missed her up until this moment. Everything was slipping away.