If It's Easy.

CHAPTER VII

My mother had been cheating. Or at least, that was the accusation. My mother. She was definitely Superwoman in my eyes and could do absolutely no wrong. Apparently, the night Ronald came home, in a battered rage he'd gotten into a fight with a man who worked at the bank with mom, who'd sworn they'd been having a year long affair. At first I wasn't positive if it was true or not. I was sure that, Ronald got into that confrontation because it looked like someone had beat his ass. I'd found out after hearing their argument the last night. I was ease dropping at their bedroom door. The only other time I could remember Ronald accusing my mother of cheating was when they first got married. I was way younger then and he just want use to having someone as beautiful as my mom. So, he'd accuse get of cheating almost everyday, eventually it stopped. Even then he hadn't come in smashing shit up like a mad man. One thing was for certain, my mother was changing right before my eyes.

A lot of things that'd happen in those days that left my mind to wonder. Who was I? What did I want? Who did I want? Was it wrong of me to still feel a little love towards Stuart, however little it might've been. He was the first boy I ever really liked. Then there was Prince, who had me keeping secrets from my family. The guilt was eating at me bad. I knew how excited Dre would be to record in an actual studio. The fact that Dre had introduced the guy to Prince just made me feel even worse. Conflicted, I was. Life was a rollercoaster. A rollercoaster, that was hard adjusting to. Was it worth me suffering through? Many times, I contemplated just dropping everyone and living my life drama free.

"If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you're not worthy. ... Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

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1977

The rest of the summer of 1976 went by in a haze. It was the first time I can remember being truly happy with someone, for the most part. It was the first time, I really felt like I was cared for genuinely and not sought after for my body. The most we'd done was talk about sex, but Prince had never pressured me for anything. That alone was the biggest change from my time with Stuart. I began preparing for my senior year more than anything. While Prince would attempt to give me pointers on what to expect. Life was good, with the exception of some unexpected turns. Prince never left my side, I assumed that was because he'd seen much worse.

Then school started, and the stress became real. My mom was constantly on my back about college. Even though she hadn't went. That was when she and Ronald weren't going at it. The arguing was constant. You would think I'd be happy since I was close to getting what I wanted, Ronald out of the house. But, I wasn't all of their arguing only made things worse.

Everyday Prince would call me about some new person he'd met that was going to help jump start his career. It was always his career. Each time he called I felt more and more like a traitor. Our arguments became more often, because he hadn't kept his word to tell the band. It became harder for me to even look the other guys in the eye. Evidently, things were going pretty damn well for him, because he seemed very happy lately. The thing I told myself to make me feel better was that he deserved some happiness to. With everything he'd been through. When he'd be on his way to New York or California to do more demos, he'd told the band, he was just going to see his sister, Lorraine. Which was only half true because she and her husband did live in New York, New York. Still, I couldn't help but think that the other band members, who were also completely dedicated deserved to share the experience. It was already bad enough when it was just studio time, then eventually there was talk of him getting a record deal I was happy for him but...