Wide Awake-a Josh Ramsay Fanfiction

Chapter 15: Defeat

Hanna's POV

I woke up with Josh's arms around mine, wearing one of his shirts which was huge on me and him in boxers next to me. I flip around and kiss his cheek, his blue eyes flutter and open. He giggles and kisses me.

"Good morning beautiful." Josh says as he rests his forehead on mine.
"Good morning handsome." I say and grin. I love the way he says beautiful.
"I don't want to get up." I add and make a pouty kid face.
"Then don't!" Josh says.
"I have work honey." I say and roll out of the covers. Josh follows me and I turn around.
"Hanna?" Josh looks suddenly nervous.
"Yeah?"
"Was last night okay for you? I want to make sure because of everything before..." His voice trailed off.
"Josh, it was amazing." I say and blush wildly.
"I agree." He said as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

His lips collided with mine. His hands moved to my neck and face. I played with his hair.

"How did I ever get a girl like you?" Josh asked as he pulled back.
"I think I should be asking that question!" I said astonished by that.

I then proceeded to having a shower. Josh insisted on picking out the clothes that I will be wearing under my apron at work today, I agreed because he seemed to know style better than I did. When I walked out of the bathroom in a robe and hair in a towel, Josh handed me a pile of clothes that consisted of black high-waisted skinny jeans, a burgundy crop top, combat boots and the necklace he gave me at the movies. I giggled at his amazing fashion skills and grabbed underwear, a bra and socks. I stumbled back into the bathroom, got dressed, did my hair and makeup.

"I gotta go now Josh" I said as I pulled away from our kiss.
"Awwwww" he looked like a sad puppy and I hated it.
"I'm sorry Hun, I'll see you right after work and we can do something fun tonight." I say.
"Okay." He still looks disappointed but I had to refuse the urge of ditching work and staying here with him. I walk out the door and to the coffee shop.

~

After work I see Josh standing outside of the coffee shop with an umbrella. I smile at him and open the door. I choose to jump into his arms which could have ended badly if he hadn't quickly dropped the umbrella to catch me as I wrapped my legs around his waste. It was pouring rain in Vancouver today. I didn't care as I pressed my lips to his. Josh seemed slightly distant and I lowered my feet to the ground and picked up the umbrella.

"Is everything okay?" I ask as I take his hand.
"I'm fine." He says as he looks at the ground, I know something's wrong.
"Josh?" I say as he lets go of my hands and runs away from me.

I drop the umbrella and run after him, barely catching a glimpse of him as he runs into the door of our apartment. I hear a door shut and flinch.

"Josh?" I ask as I hear sobbing from through the door. I sit with my back to the door knowing that all I can do is be there for him. He doesn't answer.

Josh's POV

I plunge myself toward the toilet. What's wrong with me? I haven't thrown anything up in many many years. What triggered this? I feel myself throw up and slump to the ground in defeat. I hear Hanna call for me. I know she only wants to help but I don't know what I need. I notice that I never locked the door and pry myself off the floor enough to flush the toilet.

I think about what could have made me go back to this again. I do remember that for the past few days I have been looking at myself in the mirror in disgust of my bulging stomach. Hanna constantly tells me that I am far too skinny along with everyone else but that's not what I see.

"Hanna?" I whimper, not sure if she hears it.

I hear the door knob turn and Hanna walks in and sobs. I know I'm hurting her, I should have just sucked it up like I always do but this time was different, it was too much and I had to let it all go. Hanna sits down next to me and wraps her arms around my shaking body. I hide my face in her shoulder and feel the tears pour out. Hanna pulls me in tighter.