Piece by Piece

31

Apr. 3

Dear Corinne,

Today was the funeral. It was in an old country church with stained glass windows and no insulation. I could see my breath- puffs of desperation dissolving into the air. All our humid words froze in the air in front of us and faded. His sister sang Amazing Grace. Someone made a slide show. His big brother gave the eulogy. You were there, too, sitting with a group of other teachers. I was sitting a few pews back from you and saw you drop your head into your hands, and Ms. Little, my science teacher, put her arm around you and you leaned into her. There's something about seeing your teachers break that makes it all the more impossible to stay composed.

Rina and I were holding hands, our fingers entwined, and a tear drop fell from her eye and landed on my thumb. I watched it there, glistening as it slid down to my wrist. My other hand was pressed to my own eyes, and I kept seeing Joel fall... falling... and hit the floor... and my tears became more violent and gripped my body, shaking me.

After the funeral, Collin put his arm around me and lead me to the church hall for the reception. They had all these finger-foods and sandwiches without the crusts, but I didn't eat because I wouldn't have been able to stomach any of it. I stood by the wall for a few moments, my hands around myself, the commotion of the people talking and moving and brushing past me building up behind my eyes until I left.

I walked through the church doors into the cold spring air, and around to the back of the church, letting my tears fall. When I turned the corner, I found Cassie collapsed under a tree, crying and wiping at her eyes with her red hands. I carefully approached her and sat down next to her, bracing myself in case she decided to hit me again. But she didn't. She crumbled into me, her head in my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and stroked her hair.

And we just sat there, the two of us, under a tree with no leaves, surrounded by melting snow, crying.

Life stole it all from us (Life and death and pain and heartbreak).

In one moment we went from perfect and lovely to broken. Maybe in a lifetime we'll be able to say that we've finally healed.

Love,

Leigh