Piece by Piece

36

Apr. 11

Dear Corinne,

They had a rememberance ceremony for Joel today in the library at lunch. A bunch of kids I hardly know came. Collin spoke about him- so did Olivier and some other kid named Tommy who I don't know but apparently was really close to Joel. They wanted Cassie to speak, but she refused. Then everyone took these paper hearts and wrote memories about Joel on them and put them in a basket for Joel's family.

I couldn't think of what to write. Then, when they were playing a slideshow about him and I realized I was the only one who hadn't placed their heart in the basket, I wrote:

You loved her.

My hand was shaking as I placed my heart amongst all the hearts Joel shattered.

And instead of going back to my seat between Collin and Rina, I walked out of the library into the quiet hallway. They turn the lights off in the upstairs halls durning lunch, so I took to the shadows and pressed my forehead against the cold of a locker, crying into my sleeve.

The library doors opened and you put a hand on my back. I turned and let you wrap your arms around me. And standing there, I realized that I've been missing something all this time- how long has it been since a woman comforted me? (Dad's comforting doesn't count because it isn't included under the definition of comfort). I committed the feeling of being held to memory, then I pulled away, wiping my eyes on my sleeves.

Me: sorry.

You pretended not to notice the wet spot on your shoulder.

You: don't be sorry.

Me: thank you.

You:

Me:

You: Leigh, it's okay to cry.

Me:

Me: I just miss him.

And I never realized it until now, or maybe I just ignored it, but I miss having a mother most of all. And the only reason I am writing this is because I am selfish.

I am selfish,  but I am broken.

Love,

Leigh