Depression Override

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I couldn't understand. Why me? Why did I have to go through all this. It just didn't seem fair. Why couldn't someone else suffer like this. I used to be the happiest person in the world, and now all I want is to just...be alone...forever...but I know she doesn't want that. She wants me to be happy but I'm not. Heaven was a place on earth with her and now that she is not here...its hell. This is a god dream. This is everything. This is everything. I'm trying to keep my faith. But I'm looking for more. Somewhere I can feel safe. And end my holy war. But it's not easy when you're all alone. I want to look for hope, but it's all gone. Nowhere to find. It just left. Not there no more.

Today. It was today. The day she left. The day that affirmed that she was never going to come back. That made my pain and sadness even worse. I couldn't take it anymore. Walking down the sidewalk quietly, freezing with the cold wind, and all alone. I was heading to the pharmacy. They had all types of helpers there. But if you had too many, you could become addicted. It was bad to become addicted. Because then, you could be in danger, but that's what everybody wanted these days. To die.

I stepped into the warmth of the pharmacy. I started looking for anti-depressants. It's not like they helped a lot, but they distracted me and kept me from thinking. As I was looking through the shelves for the right pills, I ran into someone. I was surprised to see Natsu looking for pills.

"Hey" I said a bit shyly.

"Ohh hey there Lucy."

"What you looking for?"

"Aspirin. My mom had a headache and we ran out so. Ohh they're right here" he said grabbing the bottle. "What are you looking for?

I hid the bottle with anti-depressants behind my back. I didn't want him to see that I had issues and was mentally in pain. "Ohh nothing. Soo-"

"Lucy I just want to let you know that I think you're very pretty and I wanted to ask you if you wanna go to the carnival later today?" he said rubbing his neck with his hand and looking down at the floor.

I was wide eyed. No one had said anything like that to me in a long time. I always had a serious face on and never smiled. I didn't think I was pretty, so why did he?

"Thank you. No one's called me pretty in a long time."

He looked up with grin on his Pretty face. Pretty hurts.

"I don't believe that".

At first I didn't know what he meant, but after giving it a second thought, I knew exactly what he was saying. It was so nice I almost smiled. I was pretty sure I blushed. I looked down shyly." And about the date, sure.

"Well then I guess I'll see you tonight, Lucy" he said walking to the cashier.

"Wait!" I said trying to catch up to him. "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" he asked confused.

"Doing all this. Coffee date, going to the carnival, telling me I'm pretty. Why?" I asked holding his muscular arm and looking into his onyx eyes.

"Because I want to get to know you. I want us to become friends. I want to know more about you" he said with a smile.

"Ohh" was all I said while I let go of his arm.

I went home thinking about all the things that he had said back at the pharmacy. I know I should have said no but a part of me didn't let me. It's like that part took over, and controlled my mind. And the worst is, I didn't even realize until now. Because Now I had time to think. Something in me was changing but I didn't know what it was.

As soon as I got home I changed into something a bit nicer. In other words, all I did was put on a scarf and a beanie. Skinny jeans, hoodie, beanie, and a scarf didn't sound too bad. I waited, and waited. After a while I started to wonder if he was actually going to show up, but after 35 minutes, he finally showed up at my house. We left to the carnival and I couldn't stop thinking if this was the right choice. If it was okay to let go of my walls for a bit. To actually have some fun today. Did I even deserve to have fun? Would she be okay with this? I didn't know.

When we drove into the parking lot, the whole place was covered with children and their parents, and smiles, and laughter, and happiness. It felt kind of nice to be surrounded by this type of vibe. I hadn't felt this in...forever. But somehow being with Natsu, he brought a little bit of that feeling back, and every time we got together, that feeling came more and more. I wondered if that feeling would ever be full. Then, maybe, just maybe...I could be happy.

We got out the car and walked towards the entrance. Natsu took out his wallet and paid for me even though I told him a brought money and could pay for myself. On the other side of the fence, there were games, rides, food stands, kids crying because their ice cream had fallen to the floor, and couples, having fun and laughing with each other. As I was looking off, I felt an arm hug me from the side. I turned to Natsu and saw him looking at me.

"Come on. Let's have some fun shall we?"

"Yeah. Why not" I said.

We played some games and ate pie, and ice cream, and caramelized apples.. I had so much fun I even smiled and laughed a bit. But just a bit. After  while of resting and finishing up what we had been eating, we decided to get on the ferris wheel. It even had a name.

The Fairy's Tail.

We gave the guy two tickets and got into one of the carts. The ferris wheel started to elevate slowly. I looked out into the distance. The wind against my skin felt so good. It was chili and dark. This made me think about that night. The night it all changed. Just thinking about it made me want to cry. I could feel my eyes getting watery so I just stopped thinking. I let out a small sigh, and suddenly, I felt something soft and warm hit my cheek. I touched my cheek in surprise as i turned to look at Natsu.

"What was that for?" I asked confused.

"I just thought your day could use a little brightening" he said shrugging, staring into my brown orbs.

"Thank you" I said getting closer to him and putting my head on his shoulder.

He put his head on mine, And there we were. Looking out at the moon in the distance. Together.

When we got off we went and played some more games, but this time...I smiled. And I laughed. And I had fun. And for once, the loneliness left. An hour passed by and we had to leave. It was 11:00 PM. Natsu took me home and I spent the rest of the night thinking about the type of affection he had given me. A kiss? That was something new.