Depression Override

After Tears

The next day I couldn't forgive myself. I felt terrible because of all the fun I had the past night. I didn't deserve to be happy. When I woke up that day, I said to myself, maybe I should just go die, but kept living with the hope that one day, I would deserve to be happy.

It was Friday morning and I was getting dressed to go out for a walk. I thought it was the best solution to help me stop thinking about all the guilt I had on my shoulders. I walked out the house and began to jog a couple minutes later. I started to feel cold drops of water touch my face. I loved running in the rain. It gave me the feeling that I wasn't alone. After 10 minutes of jogging, I took a short 5 minute break. I sat down on the side of the road and stared out at the city. Out from the mountains, you could see everything. I looked to my right and saw a blue haired girl who I assumed was levy, even though she looked too tall. I got up and approached her, tapping on her shoulder. "Hey Levy". The girl turned around and I noticed that she wasn't who I though she was. "Ohh I'm sorry I thought you were someone else" I said trying to be polite after confusing her with Levy.

"Ohh it's okay. My name is Juvia. Juvia Lockser. What's yours?" she said with a smile.

"Lucy. Lucy Heartfilia."

"Come in here you're going to catch a cold" she said pulling me closer into her pink umbrella.

"Thanks but I should get going. I was just taking a small break."

"Wait. Before you go, don't you go to Fairy Tail High?"

"Yeah I do."

"Ohh that's nice. Maybe we could hang out sometime."

"Sure. See ya!" I said starting to jog.

On my way back home I ran into some one else. He was driving in his black Mercedes and pulled over once he saw me.

"Hey Luce!" he said cheerfully.

"Hey Natsu!"

"Come on get in. I'll give you a ride, you look soaking wet."

I got in the car and he started driving towards my house. "So why are you running in the rain?"

"It distracts me."

"Nice. Hey I was wondering, would you like to go somewhere later today?"

"What about right now?"

"Sure. But what about your clothes?"

"I'll change when we get home and then we can go somewhere."

"Ok. Sounds good."

When we got to my house, I went in and quickly changed, then came back out and we left. Somehow, spending time with him also distracted me.

"So where do you wanna go?"

"How about we go for some ice cream and then we go to the park?" I said.

"Sure. Sounds like a good idea."

We drove to the ice cream store and got some ice cream. Then, we headed for the park. When we got there, we sat down on a bench and enjoyed our ice cream. After we had finished our treat, we sat in silence for a minute, then Natsu asked a question that I though he would never ask again.

"So Lucy, is it okay if I ask again why you cried the other day?"

"Well, since you insist" I said not really wanting to talk about...her.

"The reason I cried the other day, was because you said something that reminded a lot of someone I lost."

"Who?"

"...My mother..."

Natsu's eyes went wide as he stared at me and then at the floor.

" One day, she became very ill. So ill, she couldn't move. Not even talk. She would kind of just sleep all day and night. After a week of being in the same state, my father called a doctor, and he said my mother didn't have much time left. I was eavesdropping and overheard him say that. So every single day, I would go into my mother's room and read to her. I read to her when I was scared or feeling lonely. No matter what time it was, I would read to her. Sometimes, I played with my dolls on her carpet to keep her company. At the end of the day, I would always go to her room and tell her what had happened and how my day had been. I started wondering if she even listened to what I told her or read her because she would always have her eyes closed. My dad couldn't take it anymore. He called over a doctor and had him remove everything that was keeping her alive. He couldn't stand seeing her like that. The next day, one of the maids said my mother wanted to see me. I was surprised to hear that because my mom hadn't talked at all. As I entered her room, she turned her head and looked at me. And for the first time in a long time, she smiled. She said 'Come closer sweetie, we need to talk'. I closed the door and ran to her hugging arms. She let go off me and told me something I will never forget. She said:

'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for you. I'm sorry that I couldn't play dolls with you. I'm sorry that I couldn't talk to you. I'm sorry that I couldn't say anything about the wonderful stories you told me every single day. I'm sorry that I couldn't tell you how happy I was to know that your day had been great. And I'm truly sorry, for having you think that I never listened and that I just ignored you. But I did. I listened to every single word you said to me. I was always there and you don't know how bad I wanted to talk to you but I couldn't. Lucy, I am so deeply sorry. I want you to know, that I love you and I will always listen. Even if I'm not here in this world anymore, I will always listen to what you tell me. Because I love you. And I want you to keep on telling me stories, keep on having fun, and especially, I want you to keep on telling me how great your day was. Forever.'

Then, she went into a deep sleep, and I cried and cried on and on for months. She was my mother, my favorite person. My best friend. And on that day, I lost her. And I lost all meaning in life. I became sad, and lonely, and everyone left me, because no one understood my pain. Yesterday, when we bumped into each other at the pharmacy, I was getting antidepressants, because yesterday, was the day my mother died. Then you asked me if I wanted to go to the festival with you. I put back the anti-depressants and left because I knew that spending time with you would distract me. When I'm around you, I'm happy. Natsu, you make me happy."

With tears in my eyes, he grabbed my chin and kissed me on the lips.

Then, came the After Tears. The tears of Joy.