Burlap

15 - Pauvre Coeur

I sprinted all the way from Shilling’s office to the cafeteria, only slowing once the double door to the food hall clicked shut behind me. My chest heaved in rapid succession as I scanned the back of the room for the table my ward usually claimed. John, Esther, Lottie and George sat in their normal spots at the round lunch table, chatting between bites of their sandwiches. Except, of course, for Lottie, who played with hers in her hands, making slight indentions with her fingers to make it look smaller, as if she’d eaten some of it when we all knew she hadn’t.

I took a moment to gather my nerves into a somewhat composed state before walking to them and sliding into my seat beside John. He jumped, startled by my sudden appearance, and looked at me with wide eyes for a moment. Did he know Shilling had called me to him? Did he even know we’d been caught? His face scrunched up in confusion at my frazzled state, answering both questions before I could ask.

I smiled and swallowed the nervous lump blocking my airway. A change of subject to his own unasked questions was needed before I had to answer him and alarm everyone else.

“Where’s Marcie?” I asked, feeling guilty for being thankful for her absence, giving me a quick excuse to move his attention elsewhere.

“She’s having an episode. She flipped her switch from happy to sad yesterday and won’t come out of her room,” Esther replied, sympathy thick in her words. “What about Ed? I know he’s come back from wherever he goes already. I saw him in the hallway. He never misses a meal…”

I couldn’t be sure if any of the others saw the way my eyes averted the instant she mentioned my Goliath sized rescuer, but the way John’s shoulders tensed told me he noticed. Guilt rose up in my throat and I caught his gaze, nodding toward the hallway so we could speak in private. Surprise filtered through me when he denied my request, nodding instead toward the entire table.

He wanted me to say it in front of everyone.

Why?

I bit my lip, as the shaking in my limbs started up again. His stance softened as he took my trembling hand under the table, squeezing it for support. I gazed at him, begging him silently to let me tell him privately, but he shook his head again, then inclined it toward Esther, Lottie, and George. The three ward mates watched us, confusion written clear as day all over their faces, with a dose of suspicion dotting the edges of George’s expression.

The deep breath I took burned all the way through my lungs as I prepared myself to be blamed and hated by the people I trusted and had come to care for over the past six months.

“Ed’s in Shilling’s office. Shilling called me in this morning and attacked me. Ed interrupted and bought my way out by telling him he’d talk about his crimes.”

John and George stiffened as Lottie and Esther adopted expressions filled with fear for their ward mate.

“Attacked you, how?” John asked, scanning my body up and down much the same way Ed had when he’d entered Shilling’s office.

Every breath from my lips shook as fear overrode my senses. “He tried to trigger an episode. Or, rather, he tried to force one. If Ed hadn’t come in when he did…”

George cursed, earning a sharp look from Lottie, but he didn’t seem to care. Tension filled the air everyone took in what I revealed.

“He’s targeted you,” Esther mumbled, shaking her beautifully coiffed curls sadly. “He has you in his sights and he’s going to stop at nothing, now, Kate. Shilling wants you on the thirteenth floor.”

The hairs all over my body rose on end, alarm racing through me at warp speed. Robbie’s description of his cousin filled my mind, replacing me with the shell of a man with missing digits and tiny scars, making me panic all the more.