Of Books and Angel Wings

I used to talk too much

I used to talk too much.

If you know me nowadays this is probably hard to believe.

But once upon a time, my words were always in capital letters

They spilled out of me like a waterfall

A deluge of comments and ideas and plans for the future.

I had so many things to share with you.

I used to talk too much

My voice high and trilling

Fighting for space over boys shouting

And other girls who didn't have to fight to be heard.

I used to talk too much

My body bouncing

Like I had so much energy held between my skin

So many ideas to show the world

That I would implode if I just didn't let it out.

I used to talk too much

And then the other voices got louder.

They told me to be quiet.

I was annoying.

I was too much.

Too excitable.

Too loud.

I needed too many things from them.

My voice began to shrink

My words becoming more sparing

And then I stopped really speaking at all

It happened so slowly

I was in the middle of it before I knew it had begun

My words became invisible ink on the page

My thoughts on a frequency I could never share.

I grew silent.

I stepped back behind the walls of polite civility 

and watched the world beyond them.

Some tried to come to me.

Felt they deserved my company.

But no one ever got close enough to hear me screaming,

Held back by walls and barriers

That they put there in the first place.

Now they ask me

--have the audacity to not know

Why are you so quiet?

Why don't you talk?

What happened to make you this way?

And I smile

And make excuses.

Never telling them the truth.

I used to talk too much

And then I didn't

And it was all because of you.