Because I Wasn't Insane Enough Already

Chapter 32

Happy thanksgiving to all o' you! In fact, why are you reading on the internet anyway? OUT WITH YOU, and READ THIS LATER! 

~Emo-san 

 

Warning: Run-on sentences.

"What do you mean, 'he'll be here in a minute'?!" Tsuki shrilled, grabbing my arm and dragging me down a random corridor. I giggled. 

"He probably felt me fighting, and he has this thing where he needs to make sure I'm not dead, like, all the time. So he'll probably come kill whoever--oh." 

"YEAH, OH!" Tsuki tugged hard, and I stumbled forward, into something that wasn't there before. Looking up, I saw Ulquiorra, facing Tsuki. I'd walked into his back. He was standing between us, and he'd already drawn Múrcielago. 

"Nononononono~" I said, stepping in front of him and gingerly pointing his sword's tip away from Tsuki's throat. "She's Tsuki. Um, the friend I got all sad over, 'cause I thought she was dead, but then I got my ass kicked so I went off to fight somebody so I wouldn't have to think about it, but now she's here so she's not dead so yaaaay~!" 

“She’s not an Arrancar,” he replied. I looked briefly to Tsuki before glomping Ulquiorra and making him fall back a few steps.

“But it you kill Tsuki-chan, I’ll be saaaaaaad~” Ulquiorra rolled his eyes and sighed heavily, sheathing his sword. “Thanks, Ulqui!”  He started off toward where Tsuki’s group of people had entered, and she and I followed a bit behind.

“Wow,” Tsuki whispered once we’d made sure Ulquiorra couldn’t hear, “he’s, like, your bitch!”

“Not really,” I whispered back, “It’s just…well, Lily and I think it’s the shirt.”  Tsuki giggled.

“Storme…what should we do about canon? I can’t just let Renji die…” I thought for a moment; all the Arrancar I knew, surely one of them could help me. My hand went to my pocket for my phone. My phone!

“Apacci has my phone!” I shouted, causing Tsuki to start and Ulquiorra to turn around.  

“What?” the two asked at the same time.

“Okay, so when my dye washed out, I had to fight Grimmy for his and I set his tail on fire and put it out with Aizen’s tea and he gave me the dye but then he didn’t have it so he went blonde—and yes, Grimmjow’s blonde—and I took photos with my phone.” The two nodded slowly. “So when I needed a shirt, I bribed Apacci for one of Halibel’s shirts with the photos on my phone but that means Grimmjow’ll be really pissed at me and want the phone, so I just need to get it back from Apacci, and then he’ll owe me and he can go kick Szayel’s ass so you can go save Fruit-boy~!” 

"Um...how are we going to get the phone from Apacci, though? Not exactly like taking candy from a baby; more like a hentai from Nnoitra." I had no idea, but maybe someone else would...

'Don't you dare drag me into this. You deal with it.' 

Thanks, Moeru. I groaned. “I can get the phone,” Ulquiorra said.

“Ohmygod, could you? God, Ulqui, I’d totally love you forever.” He sonidoed away and returned with the phone. “What would I do without you?”

“Run into walls, get killed, fall off a cliff,” he began listing. Tsuki nodded her assent. I rolled my eyes and turned to her.

“Give this to Grimmjow and tell him you’re my friend. And make him go distract Pinky-boy or something. I’ll owe him big time, but it’s worth it. ‘Kay?”

“Kay. Why do I feel like I’m signing my soul over?”

I smiled. “’Cause ya kinda are."