This Is My Life

21

Guilt burdened me as I sat alone at the back of the bus. I couldn't help but feel guilty for leaving her there. She had been so nice to me and even gave me a place to sleep. The more I thought about it the worse I felt, but I knew that I would feel even worse if she got caught hanging around me. I tried to convince myself that that leaving was best. 

It was a long trip from wherever I was to Ottawa. There were still a few hours to go and I wished I had something to keep me busy, then maybe I wouldn't feel so bad. 

I dozed off a few times, but never for long. I kept having a weird feeling that I was being watched. Even while I was awake the strange feeling of someone watching me kept creeping up, although no one around me seemed to be paying any attention to me.

The bus stopped to let more people on from another terminal and a huge pile of people crowded onto the bus, but one person stood out to me. 

Behind the huge crowd I saw Darla, pushing her way past everyone to come sit with me at the back of the bus. Her expression looked scolding and hurt, and the guilt came back.

"Why did you leave without even saying anything?" The hurt was written all over her face, it made me feel even worse. Why had she followed me?

"I'm sorry. I just felt so bad. I didn't want to weigh you down. I also didn't want you to interject, and try and stop me, so I didn't say anything. I need to keep moving though." I didn't quite meet Darl's eyes, and I think she noticed there was more to the story. 

"Are you in some kind of trouble..?" She gently and calmly asked. 

"Well I ran away from home, and I wasn't really supposed to leave..."

All Darla said to that was "oh", then there was a long silence. I wasn't sure what to say. 

Finally I broke the silence, "You can't stay hanging around me though, I'm bad news. You could get into trouble." 

"Nonsense. We just won't get caught." She winked at me and it made me feel good to know that she didn't care. I wasn't going to have to go through this alone. 

"So where are we off too?" Darla asked, staring out the window. 

"Ottawa for now." 

After that we didn't say much the rest of the trip. We sat, looking out the window until we arrived. I was feeling confident and happy though. I was getting away, and I could do it with a friend. I thought everything would be smooth sailing from here on out. I was going to have to move around a bit first, but it wouldn't take long for the police to stop looking for me. I wasn't that important, and I hadn't even done anything wrong, they just wanted to make sure I wasn't in any danger from anyone, and being this far away I wasn't.

"Hun, let's go, we are at the station." 

I was so caught up in thought I hadn't noticed that the bus was already at the station and almost completely empty. 

"You seemed deep in thought. Are you okay? Did you want to go back?"

I hadn't said much all through our supper at the hotel. Everything seemed good, but I couldn't help but have a nagging feeling like I was forgetting something or missing something. I decided I would open up and talk to Darla about it. 

I explained to her about how I was feeling. It was easy to talk to her, and I told her about how happy I was with leaving, and being away from all those people. I also told her about the nagging feeling that I had in the back of my mind. I wanted to know what she thought it was it about.

"I think you want to go back. A part of you doesn't want to run away from your problems." 

Her statement made a lot of sense, but I knew a bigger part of me didn't want to go back. I may not want to run for the rest of my life, but I sure didn't want to go back. 

That night, we stayed in a smaller, lower class motel. It was best to not be out in the open either. Darla saw the news report when it was on TV again. Surprisingly, she didn't seemed shocked, or angry. She did mention that the picture they were showing in the news report looked nothing like me now. 

"It was a good idea to change your hair. It made a big difference." 

I was happy that she thought that. I thought now I'd be okay to walk around unnoticed. 

After being in Ottawa for about a week, I was getting pretty comfortable with everything. I was beginning to fell like I didn't have to worry about anything. I didn't recognize anyone here, and they didn't recognize me.

One day while walking down the street, I ran straight into a person. I quickly apologized expecting the other person to do the same. Instead they just stared me down. Then I heard it. The thing I was hoping to avoid. 

"I think I have seen you before. You look familiar." I automatically froze in my spot. I think I knew why they thought I looked familiar. Mason Matthews. We were best friends in public school, then he moved away. He was the only person to talk to me when no one else would.  

"I don't know who you are, I'm sorry. I think you have me confused with someone else." After saying this I nearly ran out of sight. 

It was amazing to see him again. We were best friends and I had always had a crush on him, but when he moved away we never kept in touch. I couldn't really have people knowing who I am when my face was plastered on newspapers, and news stations.

I hid around the corner, and couldn't help but look back at him. It tugged at my heart a little. I wasn't expecting to see anyone I knew, let alone him. After he walked away, looking confused, I rushed back to the motel.

Darla had gone out so it was just me in the room, until I heard a knock on the door. Assuming it was house keeping, I opened it. 

There standing in front of me was not housekeeping though.