This is the Last Time [ BELLDOM AU ] [ COMPLETED ]

2//

Going to therapy was the only reason I would ever leave the house and since I stopped going last year, until now, the voices and images became more frequent and worse. They appeared quickly and would stay with me for hours until I fought back with my own pain. My mum doesn't know about the things that go on in my head, though I have explained to her in the past what I feel and she played it off along with medical doctors as depression.

I can't blame her for not believing me; I didn't think they were real for years. Taking therapy was the only thing that my mother did for me and thought was the best for me to do to control what goes on in my mind. She had dropped me off at the clinic and allowed me to walk home if needed, though I could tell she didn't want me wandering off after the session. Walking inside, I followed the signs pointing to the group therapy and found the room just as it was all beginning.

"Welcome! Take a seat anywhere." Eyes scanned my frail and exhausted frame as I shuffled to a chair closest to the door I entered from and dropped my head to the floor as soon as I sat down. Everyone looked away from me but a pair of eyes kept glancing at me every few seconds and I caught them once staring towards me. "I'd like to do introductions now. State your name and anything that you think is important to you to the whole group."

People of all ages, race, gender, and sexuality stood up and presented themselves to everyone in the room as most of them stammered over their words and some who couldn't find the strength to get out of their seat and talk. When it was my turn I opted to stay seated and explain myself to others as many of them didn't listen or were busy hiding in themselves. While I talked, the same pair of eyes that kept looking to me scanned my face as I glanced away from them.

"It's nice to meet you Matthew," the leader of the therapy said as she smiled brightly to me and looked to the person beside me to introduce next. The eyes laying upon my face had a name but we haven't gotten to them yet so I tried to think of what it could be as I watched their uncomfortable movements and flickering eyes. "And I hope you feel better, Quinn. I think that's everyone, now..."

"Wait," I announced aloud as the young leader looked to me along with everyone else and asked what I needed. The pair of eyes that watched me earlier had looked away and acted like they were hiding from what I had to say. "We-we, uh, forgot him." Pointing out the boy sitting far from the circle of chairs, I glanced to him and saw that he had a hue of red covering his cheeks. The teacher looked over to him, scanning where he sat, and allowed him to speak to us.

"Chris... That's my name and, um, this is my third time here. I guess I like music too." He seemed to be slightly nervous to be presenting himself to the group as his legs bounced against the floor and his hands moved constantly. I waited for the boy to finish to look him over and get a better sense of what he looked like. Chris had soft brown hues and a growing mop of brown hair that curved the lightly tanned skin of his face. "It's nice to see new people here. It's gets lonely with the same old same."

The therapy session seemed to drone on for hours until the bottom of the sun hit the horizon and everyone grew tired without their antidepressants and alertness medicine. I could feel the pinches on my skin coming and going like goosebumps along my spine and up the back of my neck but the voices and figures stayed away as I concentrated on the people around me and Chris most of all. He seemed to be sullen and would keep to himself durning most of the chats though he scanned the room occasionally with wide eyes.

At the end when everyone left, I stayed at the front of the clinic and waited to see if mum would show to pick me up and to keep an eye out for the brunette haired boy. Maybe I could talk to him seeming that we both have an interest in music, but he never walked out of the clinic and I didn't see him trotting home or get into a car. I wondered if he was avoiding people on purpose by the way he didn't speak up to introduce himself or interact with others.

"Honey, what's the matter?" Mother called from the driver seat of her car as I pried my eyes away from the city landscape and looked to her while I went to the passenger side and got in. We rode home in silence as I questioned to myself if this therapy would actually help the restless things in my head.