Kiss of death

The voice of angels

The next morning , I'm staring at my phone in awe .There on Tristan's wall was the cutest picture I'd ever seen. The green eyed blonde girl smiling beside him was perfect and they looked so happy. They caption read a simple I miss you and had I not been hurt, I'd have been a mixture of jealousy and joy.

I mean of course as her best friend, I'd  have expected Britney to tell me about Tristan. I guess she carried that one to the grave didn't she? Well let me tell you, it hurt but part of the hurt was because of the guilt. Guilt because of the pang of jealousy I felt at her having Tristan.

Could life be anymore cruel really? I'd been living a fairy tale until that stupid accident. Now everything is falling apart and all I can do is watch and of course cry. I take my phone and listen to Lana Del Rey, but for the first time the tears won't come.

I wait and wait for a way to release it but a calm numbness washes over me. I wait for the panic attack to cease my bones and scar my insides ,but it also leaves me.

I know it's not that big of a deal but I guess combined with everything, its too much. When nothing happens, I decide to go for a swim. I make my way to the back and throw myself in the pool fully clothed. My dark skinny jeans make propelling my self hard and the sleeved crop top weighs on my arms. I give in and stop trying, allowing myself to sink like a rock.

Despite holding my breath, a little water goes up my nose , causing a sharp bite inside my head. I don't try to get out, instead I embrace the pain. At least now I feel something but when I can't hold on anymore , I resurface. I'm not suicidal. After drying off I decide to go to the mall for some fresh air.

I call Maria. "Hey Ava wassup?". She sounds surprised but pleased none the less

"Hey Mar do you want to hang out at the mall or something"

"oh babe I miss you , you know, but I have a date with Chase in about 15 min so I can't" she says sounding really sorry.

" oh okay uhm maybe another time ?!" I mutter.

"Maybe you could join us , we are going to the carnival in Willow Springs"

I perk up at this. I love carnivals, Brand hated them but he took me anyway.

I smile at the memories of the three of us there together.

"Avaaa... are you still here , we will come pick you up in twenty."

" uh cool"  I run in a frenzy to get dressed. I pick out a black umbrella dress and a black sleeveless button up. I pick out a sweater that belonged to Brand to take with if it got cool. Willow is a town an hour away ,so of course I need something to wear.

I pick out a pair of black strap wedges , okay I'm obsessed with black and  I'm kinda in mourning, sue me. I decide since I'm a "widow", I don't need make up to impress anyone, so I'm going a fresh faced plain Jane. As I'm tying my hair up in a high pony tail, I hear Chase's dodge and sprint down the stairs.

Piking up my strap bag on my way out , I lock and sprint to the car.

"Hey you guys..... thanks for taking me with" I say breathlessly

"Its alright Ava , we've missed you" Chase responds with a smile as he pulls out of my driveway.

"Yeah.. I've missed you too Chasey-poo" I coo and Mar laughs at the nickname I gave her boyfriend in kindergarten.  Yeah we all have gone to the same school and known each other our whole lives, our families are pretty close as well.

"Aw come on Ava, I've out grown that name. You're embarrassing me in front of my girl." He mumbles in mock hurt.

"Babe I've always known your name. Remember it was a joint venture between Ava , Brit and I."Mar tells him