Synesthesia (REVAMPED)||Phan AU [COMPLETED]

20. Glow.

May 9th, 2012|Dan's POV

Everything is numb. My mind, my body, and my soul.

Was it the colors?

Or was it the fact that I had hurt the person I loved the most?

Phil..

I then think back to my mother. God I miss my mother..

Why did she have to leave?

I suddenly feel like I can't breathe. The emotions and colors are gripping at my throat and pulling me under into the dark abyss. I don't care at that point.

Because I had no reason for existing anymore.

"Dan!" I slowly open my eyes to see a golden glow and PJ, hovering over me. My vision was blurry.

"What the hell happened to you!?" PJ asked, trying to help me up. As he grabs my hand, I yelp out in pain, he quickly releases his grip.

I try to sit up, but once again, it hurts too much. I try my best to remember what happened, then it all clicks.

"I can't, m-move." I mutter, PJ then tries to help me up the best he can. Although it hurt a lot, he managed to get me sitting up and leaning against the wall of the alleyway. It was still raining, but not as hard as it was when I had my interaction with Steven.

"I was trying to find you and I saw you collapsed down here. Did you get mugged or something?" PJ asked, moving a bit of curly fringe that were in my eyes.

"Um, not really.." I then tell PJ the whole story of how Steven set me up and Noel was involved and I got the shit beaten out of me so I wouldn't intervene. His jaw slowly drops as I explain the whole thing.

"Holy shit, I'm so sorry, Dan." He said, putting a hand on my shoulder. I lean into his embrace.

"I-I wanna go see Phil, but I know that he's mad at me. I bet he's even more overwhelmed now that Steven is trying to win his heart back." I said, resting my head on PJ's shoulder.

"No, let's go see Phil right now. We can go show how much of a jerk Steven is so that way this whole thing can be cleared up." PJ says before he stands up and gives me a hand. We slowly get up, the pain was excruciating. PJ is supporting almost my whole body as we made our way down the street to Phil's house. We tried to share an umbrella, but that didn't really work out, so we just decided to walk in the rain. Besides, I was already soaking wet.

"Dan, you can't be walking with your injuries.." PJ said at some point during us walking. I shrugged and told him that it was okay, even though I was cringing in pain between each step I took. However, PJ kept on pushing. 

And then I somehow end up riding PJ's back, him gently holding my legs, my arms weakly wrapped around his neck. PJ was such a caring guy, and I am thankful for him finding me. But I still feel like I deserved what I got. I then rest my head on PJ's back, the crook of his neck. He was so soft and warm, even if we were both soaked. 

We were a few feet from Phil's house when I notice a familiar car in his driveway. Of course, it was Steven's car.

We we're about to go up to his house when we both stopped to see Steven, hugging Phil tightly. My heart stopped.

Phil broke and gave in to him.

He fell into the hands of Steven, again. And it was all because of me.

"Let's just, go home..." PJ mutters as he fixes our position and his grip, I released a sigh. I really wanted to talk to Phil, tell him that Steven is a cruel person. But I knew that it probably wouldn't help, so I just allowed PJ to carry me to his car and drive off.

At that point, I've lost my complete motivation to get Phil back. It was already hard enough for Phil to know that Steven was bad the first time. The second time is probably going to be even harder. Besides, I hurt Phil. Really badly. Even if it was all mainly Steven's fault, I was the one who kissed her back.

"Wait, what 'home' are we going to?" I ask as PJ pulls out of Phil's driveway. 

"We're going to my place, silly!" PJ joked, lightly nudging me with his shoulder. I release a quiet whimper, as I'm still in pain.

"Sorry." I hear him whisper, I then tell him that it's okay. The rest of the drive was quiet, we didn't really have anything to talk about.

We finally arrive at PJ's house, the rain luckily calming down. PJ gets out and walks around to the passenger seat to help me out. PJ and I have only hung out a few times by ourselves, and I've only been to his place once.

Once we stepped inside the quiet home of PJ's, he immediately hauled me to the bathroom to help with my injuries. I take off my shirt so that we can inspect the damage.

"Holy shit.." PJ mumbled, looking at all of the bruises and marks that were left on my stomach. I was in absolute pain for sure, but it wasn't as bad as a few hours ago. 

"Here, put on some of my clothes and you can spend the night here." PJ said, helping me out of the bathroom and onto the couch in his lounge. He then walks away and comes back with some clothes for me to borrow. I am so grateful that PJ is allowing me to stay the night, I really don't want to go to my isolated dorm room.

Luckily the clothes fit snugly, not too big, not too small. It felt good to be in some clean, warm clothes now.

Once I lie back down on the couch, PJ sits at the end of my feet, a look of despair on his face.

"Dammit, Dan. Steven is such a terrible guy. And we're just letting him trick Phil again!" PJ complained, I nodded for him to continue.

"I mean, if we come now to tell Phil how much of a jerk Steven is, he'll probably be too overwhelmed by everything! God, Steven is a sick bastard." PJ muttered before he lied down next to me, I trying my best to make room on his couch.

"He hurt Phil, he hurt you.." PJ whispered, I wrapped my arms around him in comfort. PJ seemed really lost for hope, he doesn't know what to do.

"It's going to be okay." I whisper to him, drawing patterns on his back with my finger. We both then slowly fall asleep to the soothing sounds of the rain.

I then truly realize something.

I never deserved Phil and his warm glow.

(A/N)

Kickthefire anyone? Just kidding, it's platonic ;)

And wow! Two updates in one day! This is dedicated to wordsthatdisappear because she is constantly supporting my story and always keeps me motivated. I love you girly<3

-Zara